Greetings, earthlings!

"Please, no pictures. Your flashbulbs will melt my face."

The question was, "How many kids will be sleeping in your bed tonight?"

Ok, I won't sleep with them anymore, but can I have five minutes alone with them?

LOW: "The glove didn't fit, you must acquit!"

LOWER: "Meet my NEW sex partner... lefty."

LOWER STILL: "Little boys are like M&Ms, they melt in your mouth, not in your hands..."

"Have you seen my glove?"

or

"And with this hand I . . ."

We have five million for Sir Elton John's bones, upon his death, from the man under the parasol. Do I hear five-two?

"Janet Arvizo is not my lover
She’s just a woman who claims that I touched her son
But it was all just harmless fun
She says I touched her son, but I don't care 'cause I have won."

"Do you have any idea where this hand has been?"

announcer: "Michael Jackson, after winning the big trial what are you going to do?"

MJ: "I am going to Diseny World... with a bunch of 10 year old boys"

I'm going to K-mart...I hear that boy pants are now half off.

This red bracelet is to remind me not to sleep with little boys.

"I promise to return to my first and favorite obsession ... plastic surgery, putting little boys on the back burner for now."

Now Jacko will compliment his Beatles catalog with selections from the Elton John collection, notably "Don't let the son go down on me."

Jackson's version, due out in the fall, is expected to change the title to "Don't let your son go down on me."

Yo bartender...one Jesus Juice, no ice.

Michael Jackson indicates just how much time is left in his fifteen minutes of fame.

Dang, his hand is paler than mine, and I was born white.

"If you've gotten away with humping little boys, raise your hand."

Huh? I am not a bum, I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things. My friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? O.k. It was never for easy for me. I was born a poor black child.

How is Jocko like Mervyn's?

Both have boys pants half off...

"Just Beat it"

"Billy's Jeans got my love"

"Tom Sneddon is a bad man, soo bad his grandson needs to be spanked."

"Look no hair!"

"Please, please... no more questions. I'm tired and I still have to go to bankruptcy court."

I am not a crook.

Reporter: Mr. Jackson, how many boys will fit in your bed......

"The stigmata prove I was unjustly prosec... hey!!"

Despite the protests of African American leaders, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art unveils its new "modern-day King Tut" exhibit.

My next CD...
VASELINE.
Thank U,
I love U.

Michael Jackson happily sang his soon-to-be released CD:
"Five little boys jumping on my bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
His Mama called Snedden but he just said,
'Don't tell ME about boys in his bed!'"

Stop, Hammer time!

[Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog] "Hey, Michael, on a scale of one to ten, how old is your ex-boyfriend?" [/Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog].

Hands up, who wants to meet me at Chuck E. Cheese's to celebrate my acquittal?

"I am not the droid you're looking for....."