"Quick, help me cover up my compassionate conservative campaign themes for 2004 before the media sees them!"

Trying to relive his youth, President Bush “walks like an Egyptian.”

Look out, here comes the Congressional Black Caucas. You are about to officially declared "not black enough" by the CBC...

"Mr. President, take dancing lessons. Nobody does The Fly anymore."

Quick hide. Here comes my white southern base.

Quick!! hand me the 2 iron. Oops! you're not my caddie !?!

President Bush demonstrates his Texas two-step style that has most recently come in handy keeping him ahead of a missing WMD debacle.

Let me show you how to do the "robot". If Tony Blair can do it, you can too!

Emboldened by the apparent success of his
"Bring 'Em On" statement, President Bush
attempts to "throw down" with Helen Thomas, yelling.
"Draw MoFo"

"you put your left foot in, you pull your left foot out, you put your left foot in, and you shake it all about.."

"Ok, seal off the area. We have achieved our goal. Posters. Big promotion. Acting like it really matters. Time now to renege on our financial commitment and champion a new cause."

"Hey man, put your arms down, there's people tryin' to breathe around here.

Darryl Strawberry, once again having escaped from rehab, is foiled from making his getaway by an alert President Bush.

I just can't ignore the obvious:

It's fun to stay at the
Y
*M*
CA.

C'mon all together now!

"Mr. President, we think it was the act of disgruntled Democrats again. The RESPECT one lip syncs to the Aretha Franklin song. The CARING one is your remarks from the swinging baby's mouth in a rap song with your voice. 'Ay yo trip boo, da bling bling measure of true compassion is da boo-yaa results. Don't you know, bama, me a generous and caring cave boy. I axe you, chickenhead, is our children learning? Yo, we be geese. Chill!'"

Kudos to Timmer for Y *M *C *A.

See! It’s so much easier without a Segway!

"Yep, I was a crossing guard as a kid. See?"

Another example of Bush's efforts to hold back minorities from getting ahead in the USA.

Mortie Siedelmann, the funniest actuary in the Five Boroughs, delivers some memorable one-liners about life expectancy charts as a warmup to his speech in front of the Greater New York Life Insurance Brokers Association (GNYLIBA).

Facing tough Congressional scrutiny over the direction of the economy, the Jedi master was quoted as saying, "Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future."

OK, Barney. . .er, I mean, Congressman Frank. Yes, I'm evading the question. I am DOWN with evasion, man. DOWN WITH IT. It is what I do best.

"Ok, I've got good news and bad news."

"The good news is that due to my brilliant financial finagling less of you will be sodomized by the economy this month."

"The bad news is that its YOUR turn."

"I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're heading towards a second Great Depression. The good news is that I'll be dead in a month so I don't give a fuck."

(Audience participation caption)

Not normally reknowned for eloquence in speaking skills Greenspan "wowed" the audience on a plethora of topics spanning the gamut of Economy to Proctology.

(Audience participation part - you match to bolded word the picture that matches it best for you)

"Yeah, it's called AOL Journal. Andrea signed me up. You just write whatever and click a button and there it is, for all the world to read. I think this is going to be HUGE! Probably increase Tech Capital Expenditures by ONE MILLION PERCENT!"

"And after I smack you down congressman, I am going to mash your face in the ground, and grind it till you cry uncle. "
Greenspan thoughts while listening to a Congressman acting knowledgable on about macroeconomics.

Rate cuts there will be, um hmmmmm,
for the dark side is weakening, it is...
Trust in the 'Force' young Dubya for in you strong it flows... yes...

"Allow me to share with you my favorite song lyric.

'Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh yesterday came suddenly ...'

And that's that."

Make your own Stock Broker Decision Maker
1. Print out pictures of Greenspan.
2. Cut out 2" circle of each picture.
3. Paste 1 picture on each side of 2" diameter cardboard disk.
4. flip disk
5. If you see happy face buy buy buy
6. If you see prune face sell sell sell
7. Repeat 4-6 as long as funds last.
8. If you get here you're broke, better vote for
...A Democrat to bail your ass out.

Lennon reacts with disgust as John Kerry tells him for the third time he served in Vietnam.

Beatle John Lennon ties to flee a crowd of fans but is followed by an unidentified man of French origin.

"Hey, will you sign my copy of 'Catcher in the Rye'?" (audience groans)

This isn't a caption, but a question:

Has Kerry always had that unibrow? I'm thinking he must have that waxed these days.

Somewhat off topic... I could not remember Mark David Chapman's name so googled "shot John Lennon"

After following the first link I learned that Lennon was killed by a conspiracy between Nixon, Ronald Reagan and Stephan King....

I wonder if Aaron Brown knows about this.

"Mr. Lennon, I'm a big fan. Can I help you get through the airport with that great big bag of dirty laundry?"
"Sod off, kid, that's my wife you're talking about."

Hopeful democrats scored a coup this week when they released this photo, claiming that Kerry was really the 5th Beatle.

"Hey, that's not Paul, it's some French guy! SECURITY!"
"Wait, don't arrest me - I'm a Vietnam Vet!"

John Lennon angrily reacts to the news that Maharishi Mahesh Yogi sent only a low level assistant to meet him.

Oops, crap!--the one above about the Maharishi is mine. Forgot to fill in all my information. The Maharishi sends his regards.

Imagine there's no WMD's....It's easy if you try!

John Lennon and the mysterious 6th Beatle.

Strangly enough, the gentleman on the right was explaining that the key to wedded bliss is to marry a complete and utter maniac.

"This bloke dislikes our bumper sticker,
'Honk if you love peace and quiet.'
He says Yoko, he and I should get in bed
and have a Bed-In For Peace.
Anybody know this guy?"

After years of being set upon by angry fans that accused her of breaking up the Beatles, Yoko Ono took to wearing complicated disguises when traveling with John in public.

Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues and you know it don't come easy...

Ringo Starr

In a dream sequence John Lennon revealed to Senator Kerry: who really was behind the plot to JFK, what is really hidden in Roswell NM, Area 51, and where Saddam hid the Weapons of Mass Destruction. Upon being awaken, Kerry could only keep muttering-
"The Walrus is Paul....The Walrus is Paul..."

Statistics show that two out of three people become famous.

I vote for Rachel Edith's entry, I saw nothing innately funny about this picture, but I think she hit the nail on the head.

Rachel's rocks! But here's my try:

Kerry and Lennon at a Howard (the Duck) Dean meetup.

Hey, did you know my friend here is a Vietnam Vet?

John and Yoko, before her corrective surgery

Hey Ringo, tip the delivery boy would you?

Long sought after proof that in a prior life, before facial-hair corrective surgery, Senator Ted Kennedy served as a body-guard to the Great One.

heh! This one ain't gonna be pretty.

Paul

(not a caption as much as a prediction)

That’s right, suckers. Keep betting on when I’m gonna go . . .

"Sure Bush 43, go ahead. Try on my papal cap. In exchange, maybe you could ask the band to play 'Hail to the Chief' for me."

In a surprise announcement today ABC announced that they would be replacing John Madden on Monday Night Football with the Pope, citing a need for greater youth appeal and a more energetic delivery. When questioned on this announcement the Pontiff's only response was "Lisa Guerrero? legs this tall and RRRRRrrrr...."

"I've got rhythm.
Who could ask for anything more?"

Reporter - "What did you think about the animal rights activists in Pamplona who stripped naked to protest the running of the bulls?"

Pope - "Very cheeky."

"I'm not dead YET! Hah!"

You're thinking, "Did he say five rosaries or six?" Go ahead punk, make my day.

"I know I'm drooling, okay? We just got a new batch of nuns!" :)

After administering one too many blessings, the pontiff revealed today that his arm is now frozen permanently in a raised position. There has been no confirmation of reports that this has forced the Pope to bless everything that crosses his path.

"Sold, to the man in the tall hat."

Don't worry boys...the "private wrestling" lessons will continue as soon as things calm down in America.

Newcomer accepts accolades as he wins the World Series of Poker at Binions in Las Vegas. His prior experience was to play poker online 12 hours a day.

"Hellooo Ladies! I'll see _you_ after Mass."

"So what if the blogger community, in general, supports sodomy, gay marriage, and abortion....
...Bring 'Em On!!!

Yao Ming bows down to kiss the Pope's ring finger.
(Oops!, forgot to pan back)

GOOD NIGHT, Mrs. Calabash--wherever you are!

"Did you hear that the Vatican is freezing flavored holy water and selling the product as 'Popesicles'?

The difference between me and your boss?
I only expect you to kiss my ring.

Well everybody, it's been fun. Thank you and good night."

"I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

(Note: My daughter just won tickets to Eminem this coming week-end in Detroit. I'm not sure if congratulations or condolences are in order, but I had to enter this as a caption)

Channeling Pope Pius XII

"You'll love my new Bobblehead Pope.
Oh and remember, you can get the
Pope-On-A-Rope-Soap for your bath.
Go to AllThingsPapal.com."

After three days of trying to hail a taxi from the balcony, His Holiness concluded that Islam was an unforgiveable heresy and signed the order authorizing a new round of Crusades.

"Your Holiness, you'll want to wave to Tucker Carlson on the right. And on the left is James Carville."

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: HIS HOLINESS AND CHARLTON HESTON. (You decide who is actually depicted above. .. )

Finally tiring of the formal rigidity of the traditional Mass, the Holy Father attempts to start the Wave.

I was like, good gracious Mass bodacious
Rightacious, tryin to show grace and
Lookin for the right time for Vatican 3 (you know)
Lookin for the right time to change beliefs
Then (um) I ain't leavin (yet), please believin (um)
Me and the rest of my heathens (please!)
You know we all Righteous with reason
Rome, roof top, birds I feedin (like Francis)
No deceivin, nothin up my sleeve, no teasin

I said...it's gettin' catholic here
You betta' say your ros(ary)

"The vacation across the Pond went well. We pretended to be Canadian to be better accepted. We saw everything. The highlight, well, the highlight took place in the Vatican when Henry high-fived the Pope."

"Dammit, I hate being the bishop in human chess. I haven't moved in 2 hours!"

"Not to complain, but there are problems with playing on the Pope's baseball team.
The uniforms, for one.
Having to play indoors for another.
To say nothing about the Pope's pitching."

Groups celebrated Lawrence vs. Texas in a number of different ways.

The Democratic candidates for President show that they really can support each other, no matter who wins. Although, Howard Dean did not appreciate the others conning him into the "position of honor".

"Boys, this is not what I meant when I said I wanted to try it doggie style."

The Reverend Jessie Jackson showcases the solidarity of the Democratic Presidential candidates in a little number called "Affirmative Action Support On Parade".

If dogs governed themselves, this is what logrolling would look like.

"The Siegfried & Roy wedding went exceedingly well. Great entertainment. Lovely happening. Many tears, not the least of which were mine when I was scratched by an impatient champagne-seeking begal tiger."

LOL. Also bengal. Maybe it was a bagel eating bengal tiger.

A bugle blowing burqa bearing bagel eating bengal tiger, at that...

I heard it was a champagne seeking binge drinker bloodthirsty bugbear bugle blowing burqa bearing bagel eating best man bengal tiger.

And next on Stupid Pet Tricks, "Dogs in a Conga Line"...

The MoveOn PAC poll proves that Democratic hopefuls can differentiate themselves: Top runners line up outside the barrel, write-ins rest inside. Graham, Moseley Braun, Lieberman, Sharpton, Gore and Clinton (both inside the barrel) are the invisible ones.

P.S. I don’t think .BMP images are supported by Macintosh browsers . . . it doesn’t show up inline on mine.

Daniel,

Weird. You'd think the Mac folks would learn to make a browser by now, no? The web has only been around like 11 years. . . .

I offer this only as a historical explanation. I have no axe to grind. 8^)

BMP is the Windows extension for the Microsoft™ Windows© Bit-mapped graphics file format. The web standards since Mosaic have been .gif and .jpg, with .png joining the line-up in the late 90s. Do any non-Windows browsers support it? My Linux machine is in the other room, but I don’t think it reads .BMPs natively either.

And, yeah, there’s the rub of being a minority again . . .

And if my failing memory serves, in the beginning, even .jpg files needed an external viewer. But I remember how much better it was than, e.g., Gopher. It’s hard to believe how far we’ve come since then.

Okay, some of the Mac browsers, and some of the Linux browsers seem to be okay with .BMPs

I just don’t normally use them. Did’t mean to be a pain.

Daniel: Not a problem. It was just the format of the file I downloaded is all.

Generally, the Mac equivalent of a right-click will offer the option of 'copy image', at which point it can then be pasted into a graphics-app for viewing.

The Siegfried & Roy wedding went exceedingly well. Great entertainment. Lovely happening. Many tears, not the least of which were mine when I was scratched by an impatient Democratic champagne-seeking binge-drinker logrolling bloodthirsty bugbear bugle-blowing burqa-bearing bagel-eating best man right-clicking bengal tiger using a Mac that did not support .BMPs who liked browsers doggie style.*

*mostly plagiarized

Even after marshalling the efforts of the Supremes, Sandra Day O'Connor could not escape one essential fact.

She was an old dog, and this was a new trick.

(Mostly lifted from an old farside by Gary Larsen)

Rodney,

Oh, well done...

Scientists have discovered that certain Arctic canines regulate environmental flatulence by rolling the most egregious offenders over the tops of high cliffs.

For Mamma Bear, thanks. I don’ normally complain so much, but I have brain damage, and sometimes I get wrapped up in minor issues. My apologies.

Monica resisted the urge to lift her tail.

Andrew Sullivan(center)and friends on a roll.