It worked once, why not again?

"Worst. Slumber. Party. Ever."

After 82 debates, and a hung convention, Dean and Kerry decide who will be the presidential nominee by seeing who can last the longest without going to the bathroom.

Kerry to Gephardt: "I thought rock beat everything! That Howie Dean always wins!"

Dean: "Nope! Paper covers rock, you Washington insiders don't know squat!" and then starts dancing and singing: "Go Howard! Go Howard! Go Howard!"

Mindful of the electoral success of a former body builder turned politician, Democratic Presidential hopefuls practice bicep curls and clean and jerk, in preparation for the 2004 "Air Mr. Universe" title.

When chosing from potential suitors, Dick Gephardt always says, "I'm from Missouri. You've got to show me."

"Push 'em back, push 'em back, waaaaaay back! GO DEMS!"

Well at least I may have better muscles than them Republicans, but not bigger brains. (Laughs) But on the other hand, they may have bigger muscles and bigger brains!

"Must...increase...testoterone...levels..."

And now, for the Impressions portion of our show...

Gebphart: &nbsp "Y'all must believe, that I have only lusted in my heart for the Oval Office..."

Kerry: &nbsp "S'Ok?... S'Allright.

Dean: &nbsp "I'm a Lumber Jack, and I'm OK!..."

Dean -- "Look at me! My pale blue shirt is darker than both of your pale blue shirts. By the way, did I mention that George Bush has me a bit peeved?"

Kerry -- "No way! My pale blue shirt is definitely darker than your pale blue shirt, Howie. And Dick, your pale blue shirt just looks darker when viewed against your stealth eyebrows. Look how dark the sleeve of this pale blue shirt is! Now when I was in Vietnam, the VC wore these pale blue pajamas . . ."

Gephardt -- "Are you both high? My pale blue shirt is way darker than both of your pale blue shirts! Your pale blue shirts are miserable failures compared to my pale blue shirt! I am the only candidate out here with a plan to provide pale blue shirts to union families . . ."

You can figure it out Kerry - Just rotate your fist.

"Three pretty maids from school are we! Filled to the brim with girlish glee!"

Kerry: "Dick, that's the world's smallest record player playing "My Heart Bleeds for you"

Gep: "Waaaazzzzup!"

Dean: "I can bench press all you guys!"

His bluff called by an ecstatic Gephardt, John Kerry contemplates fisting an obviously aroused Howard Dean.

Dick Gephardt looks on as Howard Dean celebrates after hiding John Kerry's joystick.

(look back at the pic)

Kerry: How come Howard Dean gets to answer all the questions? I can't get this damned buzzer to work!

~~~~or~~~~

Gephardt: God, that Howard Dean is a kick!

Kerry: Geppy, I thought you and me was friends!

Gephardt: I need to work on the smile muscles.
Kerry: Do I look like Ahnuld yet?
Dean: If I get bigger tits, I'll lock the trannie vote.

Gephardt: How do you plan to win John?

Kerry: If anyone disagrees with me I take this fist and shove it up their ass.

Dean: Um... Alrighty then! I'm just going for a little walk (mutter)far away from you freaks!

"You are two wild and crazy guys!"
"Wanna see my impression of Bob Dole?
"Arnold's success as a politician came after his success as a body builder, so here goes nothing"

[offscreen voice:] Bachelor Number One, can you show the audience *your* Lou Ferrigno impression?

CNN's newest TV program: The New Three Stooges,
with John Kerry as Moe, Dick Gephardt as Larry, and Howard Dean as Curly.

And your preferred method of launching a pre-emptive missile would be ?....

And your preferred method of launching a pre-emptive missile would be ?....

Suddenly anticipating a much more difficult time campaigning in California with the ascension of Arnold, the "boys" brace themselves for the San Francisco bath house circuit.

In a truly revealing moment at the Democratic debate last Thursday, after being asked a question about National Security, Howard Dean - D VT, breaks into song to garner the Homosexual vote:

Dean: "I feel pretty...
"Oh so pretty...
"I feel pretty and witty and gay...."

While John Kerry - D MA, not to be outdone, challenges Dick Gephardt-D MO to a 'Thumb War' for " ...all the marbles..."

And Mr Gephardt, in an astounding display of ADD/ADHD, was heard giggling with glee and muttering, "Hey John, did ya hear Howie? He said Gay, tee hee, tee hee. Ooh, ooh...and my name's Dick, tee hee, tee hee..."

Richard Gephardt enjoys a laugh as John Kerry and Howard Dean demonstrate their masturbation techniques.

What has two thumbs and loves BJ's in the Oval Office?

Dean: This Guy!
Kerrey: Two thumbs?
Gephardt: Teehee.

Wait til you see MY Cabbage Patch!

Gephardt: I LOVE Rock 'Em-Sock 'Em Robots!

Aside from Al Sharpton ...
"The basic problems here.
(1) Jocular, not a jock.
(2) Got no game.
(3) Can't dance."

Dean: "And I was THIS close to her neck, and I said "Rarr!" and she jumped, startled...

Kerry: "Gusto!"

Gephardt sneers: "Heh, what's a she?"

hln

In the contest to see who can keep their hands off their privates the longest, we have a clear winner! As a reward, he may now touch himself.

"My triplets advanced individually. Dickie laughs a lot and unfailingly writes excellent concession speeches. Johnny has always had great hair. Of course, I'd ask Howie to close the door when he'd sing along to his favorite song."

No matter how many times they practiced, Dick would always break out laughing when it was his turn to chime in to "Row, row, row, your boat."

Gephardt gets the last laugh when his plan to slip laxatives in leaders Kerry and Dean's drink comes to an explosive conclusion.

Gephardt: "Thinking of yourself as the 'Terminator' and being one are two different things"

Beat them Republicans? Why, soitenly!! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!!!

On TV one night sat our three Dems,
There to argue and show off their memes.
Which one grinned like a cat?
Which one girned as he sat?
And which hand has the five M&Ms?

Dick Gephardt, John Kerry, and Howard Dean break into an impromptu rendition of Journey's "Separate Ways" during a VH1 news special.

Caption:
Dick Gephardt looks on in amusement as John Kerry explains how Tiger Woods stole his fist-pumping motion ("This is how I did it in 'Nam"), and Howard Dean flaccidly attempts to "raise the roof" at the Democratic Presidential Debates held October 9th in Phoenix, AZ.

Gephardt: "So, Howie, what are we wearing tomorrow?"

Kerry: "Are you guys SURE Bob Dole holds the pencil in THIS hand?"

To celebrate the comprehensive diversity of the Democratic presidential front-runners, John Kerry wears a red tie.

DEAN: "The choice is higher taxes and a return to fiscal responsibility or, reckless tax cuts with detrimental fiscal ramifications!"
KERRY: "The choice is higher taxes and a return to fiscal responsibility or ... higher taxes and a return to fiscal responsibility or ... There is no or"
GEPHARDT: "The choice is me, or TweedleDee and TweedleDum here.

DG: "Guys, I don't think that's what Arnold meant by 'pumping up' Sacramento!"

"A dick, a stick, and a hick"

(Pronouncement from The Great Karnak, prior
to viewing the OTB Caption Contest photo)

Kerry: "If I am the Democratic Party candidate I will crush George Bush's balls like grapes, just like this."
Dean: "If I am the Democratic Party candidate I will pull George Bush's balls apart, then crush them like grapes."
Gephardt: "Gee... I like grapes."

Gephardt says, "Dean, it's rock, paper, scissors. Nice try, but two rocks simply don't win!"

Kerry can't watch as the Boston Red Sox ... well, you know. Just another milestone in the Curse of the Bambino timeline.

Kerry: "Hey, pull my thumb!"

Gephardt: "Ha! Nice try. I been around, ya know..."

Dean: BRAAAAAAAP!
Boy howdy, no more mexican food and beer for me!

In a disastrous public flirtation with the 1980's club move, The Running Man, presidential hopefuls today proved with near-scientific accuracy that white men can't dance.

One of the gatherings that some Republicans, in retrospect, would refer to as "Munchkinland prior to the arrival of the Wicked Witch." It was more commonly referred to as the Democratic Primaries before Hillary announced her candidacy.

One of the gatherings that some Republicans, in retrospect, would refer to as "Munchkinland prior to the arrival of the Wicked Witch." It was more commonly referred to as the Democratic Primaries before Hillary announced her candidacy.

Hans & Franz (Kerry & Dean): "We're gonna pump YOU up."
Gephardt: Now THAT's funny!

He's ready, Dick. Don't worry. I'll find your gerbil.

John Kerry was utterly astonished as his fist started making sexually explicit comments about Howard "the duck" Dean. Dick Gephardt could only smile as he realized that all those hours of practicing ventriloquism were finally paying off.

The hypnotist was exceptional. The first guy laughed just like a hyena. The second guy started to recite Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. And the third guy was dancing the Funky Chicken. Everybody loved it!

Play that funky music white boy...

Dean : "Yes John, opposable thumbs. Another advantage over the neo-cons!"

In the moments after the brawl at the recent debate, John Kerry experiments with the mysterious fist technology employed by Howard Dean to punch out Wesley Clark. Meanwhile, some Dick still has the chuckles from Al Sharpton's earlier audience-mooning antics.

Deaf, dumb, and stupid.

None of the above.

83% of Americans shown this picture could not identify any person pictured.

The DEM championship charade team, demonstrating:
The Sum of All Fears!

5 seconds afterward...shaggy and scooby unmask the three so called politicians to reveal, yes, the three stooges! Stooges: and we would've gotten away with it to if it hadn't been for you medeling kids. nok nok

5 seconds afterward...shaggy and scooby unmask the three so called politicians to reveal, yes, the three stooges! Stooges: and we would've gotten away with it to if it hadn't been for you medeling kids. nok nok

" Doesn't matter how you hold it as long as it's whacked, with BIGuns it takes TWO fists!"

Worst. Renaissance. Festival. Ever.

A challenge to illusionist David Blaine: Top this!

Some of the interrogation mechanism's now available through John Ashcroft's Patriot Act are just a tad over the edge.

Pres: Hey Karl! C'mere! I wanna show you what I'm gonna do to the guy who leaked that name to Novak!

Owwo! Ow obowt a wiwwle elp ere? pweze?

1) What do you mean, I'm supposed to swallow the sword? Where's the challenge in that?

or

2) Hey! Whah wher u ick at ing!

"Look at me! I'm Sandra Dee!"

[ok, yeah, it makes no sense whatsoever.]

I dub thee Sir Thpbtbtbtbtbtbt.

Thinking it would be the deciding factor in getting an editorial job with the LA Times, this aspiriring scribe still messed up when trying to fork his own tongue.

Roy was not the first member of the Horn family to have things go awry in the entertainment business. Little known cousin, Bobby, was the first Horn family member to suffer accidental injury while entertaining. Bobby's lack manual dexterity did not allow him the keen edge required to successfully perform as a knife juggler. (apparently he also had problems with fly fishing). Thus the public was deprived of ever seeing Siegfried and Roy and Bobby perform together.

Roy was not the first member of the Horn family to have things go awry in the entertainment business. Little known cousin, Bobby, was the first Horn family member to suffer accidental injury while entertaining. Bobby's lack of manual dexterity did not allow him the keen edge required to successfully perform as a knife juggler. (apparently he also had problems with fly fishing). Thus the public was deprived of ever seeing Siegfried and Roy and Bobby perform together.

(oops missed a word)

A new paradigm for falling on your sword. (White House officials take note)

He'd always been a little kooky. But Rhonda knew this was ample grounds for divorce.

Kids in tropical countries used to miss out on the fun of freezing your tongue to a pole, but not anymore.

Swordplay and Zen. It is here that swordplay becomes an art. Even gubernatorial candidates and the governor-elect in California know to pass on this art form.

"Introduce me! Ohhhhh, I just love his puppy dog eyes. I can ignore all the rest, and let's face it, the jewelry and sword stuff is a bit over the top. But those eyes. Those puppy dog eyes!"

"Oooooops."

I can say no more.

Man, oh man, am I glad I missed my nose.

That could have hurt!