Come sit on ME and whisper sweet somethings in to my "*&$", while I study the many legal benefits of marriage to you "my honey" HIM. (We do live in Massachusetts don't we?).

Uncle.

Drudge Exclusive! "Maureen Dowd" and "Paul Krugman" are one and the same!

Square peg, round hole.

"Nice pants."

With anti-sodomy laws being declared unconstitutional, Texas residents have had to resort to more draconian counter-measures.

SWF...Thin, Red Head, Grate Ass. Seeks SWM.

...nude knitting is all the rage, doncha know...

Queer Eye gone bad.

Maybe you can close the barn door after all the horses have run.

Recall of Schwarzenegger in place, an anorexic Sharon Osbourne declares her candidacy for replacement governor of California.

Ah yes, she was a nice red haired, freckled, Irish girl, by the name of Patti.

Patti O'Furniture.

---

it's like some weirdo Aqaunet time-travel nightmare.

Arnold's posing in the nude again.

Britney: (sniff, sniff) With these two beside me in the OTB Caption Contest, no one will think I have big boobs. (Waaah!)

3 people faking crying

Three Species. One Planet.

Three people just after being confronted by Larry Flynt, who said, "I have nude pictures of you that I am going to publish."

Clinton's number comes up and she wins at BINGO. Kerry was one number away ... again.
In an unrelated incident, Spears, poor baby, finds out Madonna gave her herpes. "Herpes! I've got herpes!"

Pictures revealed immediately after The Great Karnak pronounces..."Blood, Sweat, and Tears."

The poker game. Clinton "I'm in." Kerry "Fold." Spears "I'm folding at the river."

Just a vote for Bouhaki, here. That's perfect.

A crook, a looser and a slut

Three reactions to an undercover socialist plot to overthrow the government. Brittany's crying because she has NO idea what a socialist is, but she's pretty sure it's a bad thing 'cuz Madonna said so.

Dumb and Dumber and Dumberer"

Hillary Clinton gives the "Come hither, baby!" look at Bill Clinton who has always admired the perpetually furrowed brow of John Kerry who shared "peace fries" and ketchup with Teresa Heinz who gave the commencement speech at the tearful graduation of Britney Spears who shares a place among the 200 Greatest Pop Culture Icons with Kevin Bacon.

Adversity builds characters.

MISTAKES: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

Newsbreak - Hillary Clinton and John Kerry announced today that they are the unwitting biological parents of Britney Spears.

I was telling Mr. Davis that her nice round buttocks felt so ...

Um, where are Gray's hands???

"My new plan for California state government handouts?...Well, You can wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which one fills up faster."

"Gray, when you do this, you must grab it hard and say something meaningful like, 'Darling, I want to be the groper of all the people.'"

"Both ex-Govanah Davis und I agree... ve are sick and tired of ze caption contests mit me as ze subject! Get some new pictures, Joyner, or I vill crush you between my pectorals!"

Caution Norbi. Threats of violence = bad tactic. Don't recommend gibes either.

Is all hope of caption meta-contest lost?

I reached for Gray's balls like this, and came up empty!

"I can't believe it, Now I'm being recalled."

Ain't that thar Governor Reject and Governor Abject?

"Und now I am discovering zee budget is bigger than anything I have ever groped!"

"Vat iss Daviss smilink about? He von't be baaaack!"

The new governor rocks the house with his air accordion.

---

Rumsfeld illustrates the length of a "long, hard slog."

(Sorry, it's the first thing that came to mind.)

The acorn I had implanted into my chin?

It's about this big.

"The average presidential lie starts small and grows into a long, hard slog."

I only leaked my own memo this much.

"I am shocked! ... Sort of."

"Am I THIS close to coming down there and kicking your butt all over this briefing room? Yes, I am. Would you like to rephrase your question? Of course you would."

"Saddam?... Missed him by that much!"

(reminiscent of Don Adams in Get Smart)

We have it on good intelligence that a close "member" of Saddam's "inner circle" is only this long.

"No, bananas are usually a bit longer than that, so it must be that I'm happy to see you." (Really bad taste. Sorry)

How much do I care about your opinion, Helen Thomas? Not quite this much.

Rumsfeld surprises the Pentagon press gallery with an invitation to participate in the kickoff for National Prostate Awareness week.

"Why won't this administration sign anti-Spam legislation to support the war against bulk emailers? Well... You figure it out."

"I'm not going to tell you which President is to blame for the rise of global terrorism, but his last name starts with the letter . . . 'C'!"

Alright, you media bastards. Who took my moon pie?

Thousands more troops for Iraq? Look at a map. The place is only this big.

Send more troops to Iraq? Look at a map. The place is only this big.

"I am crushing your head"

"I have lost this much of my mojo."

We've found this much WMD.

"How much can you believe of OTB? This much."

Just a pinch between your cheek and gum...

hln

"Secretary Rumsfeld. Just how big are Chortle's chances of winning the Outsidethebeltway Caption Contest after challenging James' credibility with his caption?"

Chortle got a chortle out of that.

"How big is my alien Implant? About this size."

"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things we know we don't know. And this represents how much I think you happen to know."

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

(I can't take credit for this as it is an old quote, but I just realized that it would go with just about any picture of Rummy)

"Sometimes a little bombing goes a long way."

"And the winner of the Outsidethebeltway Caption Contest is ... anybody want to venture a little guess? Not even a teeny weeny guess?"

size of a democrats brain

I swear that kidney stone was THIS big.

"I smash your head!"

Don Rumsfled misses the winning flick in his second round match in the Bud Light Flickball Championship.