Since the Gnomish Incursion, Santa has had to outsource his help.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Three orange whips ...

"I'm not cut out to be an elf and make toys. I want to be a dentist."

Naughty. Naughty. Verrrry naughty.

Well, there was the trip to Iraq. That didn't work out because of the damn doll thing and no one told me about the Transformer Movie!

Okay, so it's not me, but that's where all that spy stuff leads.

"Hey Santa! Me make toys for you long time!"

Am I seeing things, or does the one in the middle have an Adam's-apple?

There isn't much ho-ho-hoing for these Santa's this Christmas as Neil Bush decides to stay home to save money so the family can buy and arm that Paraguay compound before the war trials start.

Hoe, Hoe, Hoe

Comfort Santas?

Michelle Malkin and friends give "comfort and aid" to DHS employees before their next mission to randomly arrest people that look like Mexicans.

All I want for Christmas are STDs.

From an infomercial seen on Christmas night. "Welcome to the latest versions of old Christmas favorites, brought to you by Kevin Federline Records!! We have these exciting tracks!

1) Come all yea faithful

2) Jingle Ball rock

3) Rudolph the Red ****ed Reindeer

And the newest songs

14) Show us your Yule Log

15) Lets rock in the New Year!

Gary Hart, Bill Clinton, Bob Packwood and "Duke" Cunningham do Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who gets ho ho who on their Christmas Love Junket.

This season, many stores are offering more holiday-themed Thais.

Ching ching chong Rosie ching ching chong eat chin chong ching ching me ching chong chong ching be'atch!

I give you Merry Christmas for fi' dorrar.

The overabundance of malls in the Phillipines means some are forced to resort to drastic measures to attract Christmas shoppers.

Kid Rock, the new Bob Hope, visits Iraq.

No peeking ... unless you give her $5.

Give the gift that keeps on giving ... an STD.

Hey James, when did your wife get the Santa costume?

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four calling birds.

Hey Steve, I think the one on the left likes you.

Son, I know you think you are too old to sit on Santa's lap, but trust me on this one.

What can you say about a bar where the scotch is older than the hostess.

Sometimes you want to go
Where every body knows your name
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name

... assuming your name is John.

Santa Claus debuts his new adult toy line.

Festive Ho's

What the North Pole would be like if Hugh Hefner was Santa...

Okay, I'm fit to be ....Thai'd

Yule Thai's

Wow, now I know where to go for my next Christmas sex tour with my Republican buddies. I heard Viagra is pretty damn cheap in Phuket!

Hey dere, Ludolf...I'll make more than your nose grow.

I wasn't gonna, but there are just too many.

Our party was RUINED! All we needed was those wrestling midgets....damn those sex slave union strikes!

Girl on left (thinking): Hmmm, that photographer is cute, maybe I should pull a Britney on him, hee hee.

Son, I know you think you are too old to sit on Santa's lap, but trust me on this one.

Heh. These Santa's sit on *your* lap.

For $5, you get a picture too.

After a slow Christmas, Santa was forced to outsource his Nevada "ranch" hands to make ends meet.

"Clismas in Cambodia"

I can't believe Santa left no tip

"Hm, let's see. Did her, did her, that one's a guy, did her. Dang, either I need to find another bar, or lower my standards even further, or just go home. And ain't no way I'm goin' home to Hillary."

It was a good night. There was much money to be made. But Alyssa said she would be glad to be the one to pull the device that would hang Saddam.

...so there were these three elves in a bar...

"Think ho, ho, ho -- start your New Year with a bang!" -- Velvet Jones

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, SYPHILIS!

Like John Edwards says, there are two America's -- one with attractive young women wearing revealing Santa's elves costumes, and one without attractive young women wearing revealing Santa's elves costumes.

Suddenly, Joghn Kerry bursts through the door and shouts, "Reporting for booty!"

Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but inside is so delightful, and since we've no place to go, let it ho, let it ho, let it ho.

Miracle on 7th Avenue

"I'll put your eye out."

We three queens of Orient are baring gifts...

On the first lay of Christmas my true love gave to me two hundred-dollar bills, a five, a ten, and a twenty.

North Pole Dancing.

Piece on earth.

(For those of you who may have watched Ray raynor on WGN in Chicago those many years years ago) ... "And Santa is busy with his happy tasks, he trusts his ladies and never looks back. Oh-li-oh-lady oh-lady-i-oh, I'm Hardrock, I'm Coco, I'm Jo."

"Every time you hear a bell, an Angel gets her bling."

"Come, they told me, pa rump-pa-pump-pump..."

"I wish it could be Christmas every day..."

"Do they know it's Christmastime at all?"

"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen..."

"No I was asking directions for the place, Bangkok."

Charles Austin: All of a sudden I feel like Cuddly Duddley.

Lordy this photo brings me back to the ol' days of going on F*&k junkets with the other perverts in teh Grand Old (sex) Party, especially the Kathoey in the middle. It was so much fun to go on these trips knowing that stupid Fundies voted for us and funded our origies too, heh :}

Nope, no virgin birth in here.

Red and white costumes, little blue pills--have a patriotic holiday!

"Me so ho-ho-horny."