Now we see here with the male suspect in the superior position over the female suspect that no crime is likely to be in process.

Driver's license? We don't need no stinking driver's licenses.

Somebody didn't get the memo about the uniform of the day.

Just a routine traffic stop. Why are you so nervous.

Picture snapped by illegal alien as he crosses the border.

In the event that the democratic congress votes to withdraw from the border, this driving lesson will teach you how to drive cross country fast enough that you can avoid being crushed by the hordes of 'less than perfectly documented aliens'.

How come these student's aren't on a gun free campus?

"All this for a busted taillight?"

Officer Johnson could tell he was going to have to buy a lot of tickets to the policemen's ball for this one -- and he still hadn't sold his own quota yet.

Minutemen, if you have any questions just use this simple mnemonic; 'If they're white, we do not fight. If they're brown, gun them down.'

Okay, for this exercise, you're going to practice using your rubber dart guns in the event that we continue to lose support from our Government.

"What if he's got a pointed stick?"

"Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco..., cinco? Seis."

"OK, let's take roll call, Rodriguez?"
"Here"
"Juan?"
"Yo"
"Manuel?"
"Present"
"Jesus?"
"Here"
"Sanchez?"
"Yo"
......

I'll do one better:

"OK, let's take roll call, Rodriguez?"
"Here"
"Juan?"
"Yo"
"Manuel?"
"Present"
"Jesus?"
"Here"
"Sanchez?"
"Yo"
"Honez?"
[long pause]
"Honez!!"
[pause]
"Uh, Sarge, do you mean 'Jones'?"

1. "OK. Everyone split up. We can do more damage that way."

2. "One more time, where's Ponch?"

3. "Don't come any closer. This thing is liable to go off!"

First the important stuff. Which one of you ate my donuts?

Erik Estrada on the set of his new reality series "California Border Patrol".

Presuming that's the new global warming tactical unit: "OK, spread out. If a cow farts, shoot it!"

"Good, now that you're up to speed regarding our Shiny White Helmet regulation, I'd like to spend some time going over Opening and Closing Vehicle Tailgates."

"If you see someone running across the border you eat one of these nukular bananas and throw the peel down in front of them to slip on."

"Tackleberry, you got your gun so shut the hell up."

"Ok. Everybody go long. On three. Break."

"Oh, Jesus. Who was in charge of planning? You call THIS a Village People tribute?"

"Why yes, that IS a rubber glove."

"Those are without a doubt the most ridiculous basketball uniforms that I've ever seen."

"This is a car. It goes very, very fast. Please do not start the engine until your driving instructor has left the course."

"Okay, you two get in the front, you two get in the back, you crawl in the hatch and I'll straddle the gearshift. We are SO going to make it to the midnight showing of Rocky Horror in Los Angeles."

"Sure, it's a low budget set. What did you expect for your first porno movie, especially one called Porn in East LA?"

"Ok, Nelson has a point. My behinder is not my favorite feature either. Next group photo will be in silhouette. Anything else?"

1) Location: Anywhere but downtown Los Angeles on May Day.

2) At least they are only going to fly a "Yellow Flag" and not a "White Flag" like the Administration is with regards to Illegal Immigration.

So the INS has been training the Iraqi police? Well, that explains a lot.

"OK, we're gonna share this big banana for lunch. Roddy, I'm warning you. Keep your hand off your weapon."