"Here's What We Found So Far Sir, D.B. Cooper, The Loch Ness Monster, The Lost City Of Atlantis, And A Short Cut To China, But No Jimmy Hoffa."

Holy Crap Sir!, We found Bills Closet! My GOD!...Look at the Skeletons! Wait, theres another one and its marked.....Hillary.

Haunted by bad memories, Ted Kennedy breaks ground on his 'Fill the Chappaquiddick' campaign.

We found a big safe with Al Capone's name on it. Geraldo Rivera is on the way to host a special on Fox News Network: "Al Capone's Vault 2: There Must be Something In This One."

Dateline Milford - - Based on dramatic new evidence unearthed today at the Hidden Dreams horse farm, the FBI has charged former farm owner Rolland McMaster with conspiracy to commit murder of a railroad tie. McMaster's attorney responded by calling the FBI's case "a sleeper."

"Take the extra dirt down to New Orleans, Henson and Marno, tell that girlfriend of yours to jot down your work cell phone number and bury it in her back yard ... right friggin' now."

Well, no sign of Jimmy Hoffa, but it looks like you could have located another stop on the Underground Railroad.

Party leaders continue the search for a Democrat who might win in 2008.

Hastert protested the FBI's violation of the separation between the living and the dead.

(guy on his cell phone) Hello? . . . Y'have to yell buddy, I'm right near the excavator. . . . What? . . . Straw . . . berries . . .near the little red shed? . . . What the hell are you talking about strawberries? Who is this!? . . . Hello? Hello? . . . Ah, damn batteries . . .

I don't want to sound rude, ma'am, but we're down six feet of sifted dirt and we gotta get the track back together so the 3:20 can come through this afternoon. I really think you gotta start lookin' elsewhere 'cause I don't think you dropped your wedding ring out here.

Yessir it takes 7 guys standing around watching Ted Kennedy's septic tank being replaced, to make sure any incriminating evidence is removed.

....but we did get the senator's basement dug! anybody else need us to search on their property?

Agents Maxwell Smart and 99 discover Jimmy Hoffa trapped under the Cone of Silence.

Teamsters workers take another coffee break before continuing to search for their boss.

Guy on Phone: Yes Mr. Moore the police are here digging up the back 40 with a backhoe looking for 85 Million Dollars!! They have a court order from that suit you lost against Sergeant Moore.

Al Gore continuing his Junk Science Tour (coming to a town near you). He just keeps digging his own hole deeper, soon it'll be considered a strip mine.

"Well while you're thinking, think me up a cup of coffee and a chocolate donut with some of those little sprinkles on top, will you?"

Listen, if you dig up Jimmy Carter one more time, you're history, buster! We're looking for Jimmy HOFFA!

After kissing Today goodbye, (The sweetness and the sorrow. Wish me luck, the same to you.) Katie Couric (yellow) in her new role as Woman Anchor (Hear me roar!) has vowed to find Jimmy Hoffa. Each week, CBS will feature a new excavation as suggested by sentient mobsters. Sang Couric, "I drove all night to get to you. Is that alright? I drove all night."

Having locating the body in a sealed capsule containing a Davey Jones cassette and a hula hoop, they quickly bury it again with a Brittney Spears CD and Simon Cowell.

"Maybe we should've followed our first hunch and checked the freezer first."

"Yes, Mr. Vice President, we made it look like we're after Hoffa's body and they're buying it. The 6-6-6 hideout will be ready Monday night. Trust me sir, no Devil will find you here."

Donald Rumsfield looks for his lost keys...

1) "Hey, I haven't heard anything from Nanci Pelosi for a few hours...anyone know where she went?"
"Hehehe! Good one Karl!"

2) Burying The Evidence - Just one of many perks to being in upper level managment...or the cop taking the bribe.

Ground is broken for the Jeb Bush Presidential Library. Always thinking ahead.

First rule of getting out of holes, when you're in one stop digging.

"You know if we do find oil here the Dems will just make us stop and declare it a wildlife refuge."

And here we have a photo of a typical federal project to find a congressman's lost car keys.

"We're digging here to find Hoffa? Funny, it doesn't look like the endzone at Giants Stadium."

"Eureka! We just broke through to the earth's mantle --- at this rate, we should reach Dan Rather's credibility sometime before lunch tomorrow!"

"When Poo Is After You, Call Rothchild's Septic Sucking Services."