* Comon, Honey, lean this way.... further, further.... those canNOT be REAL.....

* I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back to you

* Why did we waste money on these expensive binoculars? I mean, why couldn't we just get closer?

"If I find out who painted the eyepieces with shoe polish, they are gonna get a tazering that they will never forget."

You're right, Ted, they're WAY bigger when you look through the small end.

Hold on just one more minute, buddy. I know we've been out here for 4 days but tell me it's not worth it seein' that hot wife of his come runnin' out of the crowd to congratulate him.

Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my -

/obscure Caddyshack reference

"DDouble VVision"

"Check it out - Tiger's putting a Titleist, right? But he teed off with a Top-Flite!"

"Ywah! And look - doesn't his caddy look a lot like Odd Job?"

Jim and Joe reconnoiter for the Deer Park SWAT team prepping to take out arrest Ben Fugglestein for Unlawful Attendance of a Golf Tournament Without a Ticket.

Jim: How is Wie doing today?

Joe: We's just fine. What's with the black jokes?

Jim: What? Wie's not black, she's Asian.

Joe: Who's Asian?

Jim: Not Hu, WIE.

Joe: We is Asian?

Jim: Yeah, Hu too.

Joe: Hutu? There you go with the damn black jokes again. I so don't get you.

Jim: Never heard of her. What, is she Czech or something?

Joe: I'm gonna be sick . . .

Sizzling hot Elin was there to attract a crowd for Tiger's British Open title presentation.

"all I was say was that everyone else can see it fine without the binoculars"

"Nope, no illegals, wmds or hizbollah over there. Trans fatty acids though, that place is loaded!"

Yep, he's got a camera all right.

"Yes, I think you're right. I can alllllmost make out the edge of Kerry's Presidential hopes fading over the horizon . . . . "

Glorg and Klorg thought the humans would not see them if they covered the edges of their eyestalks, but they were mistaken.

"This is the good part where Paris straddles the car saying, 'C'mon Big Boy.'"

Swang

Tiger is the best golfer in the world and he gets to go home with her? Life is not fair.

You know what they say about guys with big binoculars don't you?

Watchers watching watchers. It makes for a full employment economy.

These new Sauron brand binoculars work for crap.

I've got a full battery charge and half a mind to use it. Let's go.

Spec Ops.

Kos and Armando scout out locations for the next Ned Lamont ad.

Looking for love in all the wrong places...

Billy and Buzz maintain their eternal vigil against the Varmint Cong.

"Pete, we are looking at history."

"I'm thinking this is definitely 'herstory'."

"The Flat Ass Gang Is Getting Ready To Invade."

Mashie And Muligan Putter Around."