* Thank you sir!!!! May I have another?

"Bad Dobby, bad."

Global
War
On
Tiles

Hell week with Chinese special forces training includes the trainee ending each meal with a fortune brick.

The Elite Chinese Brick Breaking Team performs for reporters.

Bob really didn't know what he was getting into when he got a job in the "Quaity Control" division of Chairman Mao's Brick Co.

Pie Iesu Domine, Dona Eis Requiem

The Chinese Military's version of "Don't ask, Don't tell."

China's peacekeeping force for Lebanon prepared for "hitting its head against a brick wall," misled by the most common metaphor for Mideast regional diplomacy.

"Democrats piss me off. Ceramic tiles too."

That's going to leave a mark.

The Chinese Special Anti-Anti-Brick Breaking Squad demonstrates its unique capabilities in preventing the preservation of bricks.

"What if he's got a pointed stick?"

The democratic party continues to brainstorm for an effective answer to the GOP edge on national security.

"Mom always told me to use my head."

Guy at attention: "Oh sure. I break my hand and have to wear this lousy cast for six weeks while Comrade Chin will just need an aspirin and a good night sleep to get better."

The debate on whether China will be the next big conventional army threat to the US continues...within the Chinese army.

Oh for the good old days under Mao when self criticism just required you to admit all the wrongs you had done.

Daschele pointed to China's anti-terrorist training as being a much more reasonable approach than the Bush administration, "Look what it did for me."

I will not make fun of Keith Olbermann. I will not make fun of ....

Question: How do you counter terrorists who are crazy enough to blow themselves up killing their own people?
Answer: Show them you are even more nuts.

Leaked details of Clinton's anti-terror plan, show that it wasn't quite ready for prime time.

Capitalism can take strange turns in China, where they were filming commercials for the Chinese introduction of V-8.

How to find an enemy armed with a brick? First, disarm you opponent.

China instituted some temporary short term fixes while trying to cope with their dentist shortage. The demonstration seen here, was presented in response to many who had asked: 'what are we supposed to do with the bandaid?'.

The for-profit branch of the Red Army goes back to the drawing board after only minimal testing of their new terracotta facial tissues.

The attempt to shore up the Chinese brick-making industry by giving them the army hat contract was doomed from the beginning.

1) Jackass 3 - Chinese Invasion

2) After failing to break the board, he was ashamed to have to step down to the easier clay tile.

HASSAAAAAN CHOP!

After viewing the film, celebrity Charlie Sheen remarked: "Yeah, but there's no way a man's head can break ceramic tiles. No way. The only logical explanation is a controlled demolition."

"...and after the introduction of Viagra to China, the brick layers had a much easier time as well."

Hey, isn't that contrary to Article 3 of the Geneva Convention?

Hey, isn’t that contrary to Article 3 of the Geneva Convention? Oh, he's not a terrorist. Never mind.

Chin studies his Chinese army issue bible...on the 1st day Mao created utopia....smash head...and on the 2nd day Mao rested.....smash head....on the 3rd day........

No, I ordered a #34.

1) "Head-On apply directly to the forehead!" Commercial reject #13.

2) "I could'a had a V8" (too bad this doesn't print Chinese....)

3) A Chinese Private who successfully passed the IQ enterance exam.

4) His prize for breaking the tile? Spiffy white gloves like his comrade.

I bring you the 15! (Achoo!!) 10! 10! commandments!

Bless you!

Chinese World Cup Practice

Why China's next-generation "bunker buster" technology doesn't really scare us.

"We are out of rations. We Chinese love to eat monkey brains. We are out of monkeys. Huan here is going to help us find out if human brains are anywhere near as tasty. Ok, begin Huan."

According to the Chinese Army field manual, China is superior to Japan in very way, including over the top game shows!

Hurk smash!

"Yea, it's a great trick, but I can only do it once."

"Guns. Guns. When do we get guns?"

Chairman Mao says: Political power flows from a bruised and bleeding forehead.

This is your brain (right). This is your brain on drugs (left). Any questions?

"Sir! This tile failed to be sufficiently motivated to join in the People's revolutionary fight against the hegemony of the reactionary American capitalist running pig-dogs! Sir!"

And all the other tiles think to themselves, "Why does he hate us?"

A member of the Shingle Roofers Local #24 demonstrates how wrong it is to assume that roofing tiles can last for hundreds of years.

"I said I'd do anything to be featured in an OTB Caption Contest!"

1. Moses: Ah, God; we're down to our last two tablets. You think I could eliminate the ritual bow?

2. Personally I prefer the lighter clays of the Yangtse.

3. You sure this is how they cure acne in America?

4. You had to leave the blush in the kiln.

In the Chinese version of Hogan's Heroes, Colonel Huan Clink gets Sergeant Ping Schultz to try anything.

Iye Jesu dominae, dona et es requiem...*THWACK*

What? Wrong kind of monk?

"No No No No No! Is English idiom. Goes to your head. Means you are feeling the Tsing Tao beer we had for lunch."

Werr, escuse my Ratin!

"Pie Iesu Domine. Dona eis Lequiem." *THWACK!*

After demonstrating his ability to destroy stone with his head, Sergeant Chao went on the pulverize the 3/4 scale human model, pictured at right, using only his mind.

Oops. "...went on to pulverize the 3/4 scale..."

Feed me, FEED ME....

"Follow the policy or you will have your brain bashed in. Nobody wants to bash in your brain so you will have to do it yourself. Show them."

As Ex-Rep. Foley says, "Desperate situations call for desperate measures."

Sir, cant we buy that tile cutter I told you about?