What Maureen Dowd sees when Bush and Cheney appear on-screen.

Rodham 2008

What did you just say!!!!? 'HEAVEN HELP US'..

I know it's hot as hell down here, you still can't buy a air conditioner.

L'Oreal. Because you're worth it.

Heheheh.... the election went according to our plan...

"CURSES, Igor! All the carnage and horror in Iraq will come to an end ... for now, there is the IRAQ STUDY GROUP REPORT!"

John Kerry and Nancy Pelosi are learning the hard way that the effects of botox are short-lived.

Hillary and Bill put on their Sunday best to meet Chelsea's new boyfriend.

Helen Thomas and David Gregory meet daily to discuss their questions for Tony Snow's White House Press conferences.

"Be careful, Gorf - - if someone hits you in the head while your eyes are crossed, they'll stay that way forever."

"Hey man, you've got some innards stuck between your front teeth."

Hugo Chavez Dreams

Move over Arafat, Castro is coming.

Okay, let's get ready for the new recruits, the way things are on the surface, count on a huge number this time.

Alright, who put angel food cake in my lunch box?

"Give us a moment. Let us calm down and get over the initial shock of this, dear."

Time passes.

"Ok, the official press statement will be, 'The vice president and Mrs. Cheney are looking forward with eager anticipation to the arrival of their sixth grandchild.'"

"Honey, did you remember to bring the wine, you know I hate showing up empty handed?"

"Gates Confirmed as Defense Secretary, 95-2"

James Baker and Lee Hamilton offer their summary of the ISG report to assembled media.

All right, we're finally back in the majority. I was getting tired of wearing those smiley faces for the last 12 years.

"I told you to shut up about it! But no, you had to go and publicly bad mouth Putin. Now, look at us!!!"

"Come January, Steny Hoyer has us on a 5 day work week here in the House."
"Preposterous. The horror!"

"THE BUSH CAPER"
......by
HUGO CHAVEZ

Bush: "When (Hugo Chavez) get down here"...
Rumsfield: "Yes? What then boss"?
Bush: "Make sure he gets dehorned, dehorn him" !
Rumsfield: "Ha Ha Ha. sure boss done deal.
Bush: "Then take all that oil&drug money and feed the starving he has left for dead in Venezuela!"
Rumfield: "Yep, Yep, okay.. good god boss!, are you running for president?
Bush:-) Hum-mm...)-:}

Denizens of hell sent to scare Michael Richards away from the Festivus celebrations.

The Christian Coalition sees two attendees at the Democratic National Convention.

Britney Spears and Paris Hilton go over their evening agenda.

The negotiators from Syria (left) and Iran (right) met with members of the Iraqi Study Group today to go over ways to reduce violence in Iraq.

How some teenagers view their parents.

Some day I'm going to be free of your fascist rules, I'm going to move out and have a coll place with my friends were I can party all night and no one will make me clean my room. But until then, can I have a new PlayStation 3 for Christmas.

The longer congressional work week was not met with favor by either the party with erect horns nor the party with laid back horns.

A year ago the longhorn fans were cheering their team, now they are turning vicious.

Politics as usual.

Me so horny, me make boom-boom long time with you.

In Washington today, Senators John McCain and Hillary Clinton both denied that their stands against some of the more controversial recommendations of the ISG were politically motivated.

Such actions just seems to be part of their temperament.

After many delays, Microsoft Vista, previously codenamed "Longhorn" has been released. Microsoft promises that it will be the most user-friendly version ever.

"Ouch, another paper cut. Dang, I hate it when that happens."

"Those wimps complaining about global warming ought to come down and spend a few millenia in Hades..."

"Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?"

Now that's a bad hair day.

Uh, Candygram.

Merrily we carol along:

"Good King Wenceslaus ripped out his lungs and feasted on Stephen..."

"Slay bells ring, are you listenin'?
In the lane, blood is glistenin'.
A terrible sight, were scarin' tonight,
Walking in a winter horrorland."

"Lost souls roasting on an open fire..."

"Kill, they told me, pa rum-pa-pum-pum..."

In NBC's live version of "The Year Without A Santa Claus", Heatmiser's costume proved to be more than a little daunting for the younger children.

Paul McCartney to Heather Mills
"Don't bother me. Do you want to know a secret? You never give me your money. I should have known better. HELP! Please, please me. Let it be. The end."

Hi, I'm Vlad.
...and I'm Boris.
We used to be with the KGB and will be your servers tonight.
May we start you off with a cocktail?

DeVito And Clooney Have A Night On The Town.

"Ha! Ha! I can't wait to see the look on Hermione's face, Harry!"

Arafat (on right): "Helen Thomas? I didn't know you'd died and come to hell."
Helen: "I haven't died, I just come here for the senior discount on the friday fisk fry. Now get the F--- outta my way."

Bob Knight sweetly advises his team.

Fresh off of their stomach churning Lamisil commercial, creators showcase their new Midol spokesmen: Horny and Bitchy.

You want a christmas bonus? What the hell did you do to earn one?

Igor, GET ME A NEW SPAM BLOCKER. I just got an email from Mark Foley!!!!

"So, Gates, we'll let Rumsfeld bid adieu and then leave it to the majority party in Congress to formulate Iraqi policy. I like that word, formulate. You like that word?"

"Face it, Tony. Karl Rove's Magic, Cheney's Marksmanship, Consumer Confidence, Rummy, Abramoff, Katrina, Foley, Iraq. All this sh*t went to hell in a handcart."