"been fartin' in nuke suits very long?"

Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman, testing a new brand of UCD (urine control device)gets back from a 7,500mile non stop test.

This safe-sex thing has gotten way out of hand.

"Yeah. It's not the heat - - it's the humidity that gets you."

Photographic negatives recently found buried in the NASA archives prove that the moon landing was faked.

To everyone's relief, Rosie O'Donnell and Sean Penn don self-contained bullsh*t apparatuses.

TEHRAN? I THINK YOU PASSED IT.

She was right - - men ARE from Mars.

"Y'know, it's just impossible to get an even tan in these things."

* Intel Inside

* When you see these two guys entering your office, you're likely to get the rest of the day off.

* Eventually, the BBQ place's food became too hot to deal with.

* What hump?

Rosie's got the #1 talk show and Hillary is the President, of Mars where they were banished shortly after America woke up.

Blogospheric civility inspectors

Against the wishes of the Bush Administration, Speaker Pelosi and Tom Lantos get ready to meet with the dictator of Mars.

"And you ... always with the left turn at Albuquerque ... why if you didn't have that face shield on I'd ... "

Bill and Hillary's romantic getaway vacation.

"Honey, do I look fat in this?"

Now that the war is over we can drill here.

Paparazzi stake out the site for Paris Hilton's next 'accidental' up skirt flash.

While I agree that politics is a dirty business, it just isn't right to make both the voter and the candidates wear the hazard suits.

I just don't get performance art. Is the one on the left supposed to be Hamas or the one on the right?

How embarrassing is it when two people show up to a Clinton intimate get together wearing the same thing.

Do they have this in a brighter color? I just don't feel dorky enough in the dark green.

Funny meeting you here.

Dammit Tracy, what's with you and the gorram beans!?!

(firefly reference)

1) Why yes I do feel a little nappy in here, but I lost my hoe a few miles back.

2) Downtown Tehran 100 years in the future after the 1st, and only, Nuclear War, which they lost decisively.

3) Why yes I do have some Grey Poupon in here.

Hey, Michael Richards, Dom Imus here.

(Correction)
Hey, Michael Richards, Don Imus here.

Marcotte and McEwan await further fallout.

* "Toxic waste sample?" - "Nope, cafeteria coffee."

* You Glow, Girl!!!

* OK, right here is where we'll put the sign: "Nuclear Radiation Area -- Prefaded genes only"

*BYOFRPG. Bring your own Flame Retardent Protective Gear

* "We use the Geiger-Muller method to check for radiation," Tom countered.

* Since the world moved to alternative fuels, the Toll booth operator's uniforms have changed somewhat.

* Iranian swimsuit competition

Tom: Nancy....
Nancy: Yes Tom?
Tom: Do we really have to wear these to make sure we don't offend them????
Nancy: Shut-up Tom, I'm running the show now

Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson prepare for entering into the presence of Don Imus.

Barack Obama and John Edwards are dismayed that the new clothes they bought for the FoxNews presidential debate make them virtually indistinguishable.

"Hey, I got an itch back there! Do you mind"

"Yes."

"Why the extra space? I use it to smuggle illegal aliens back to the States."

"Yeah, no jobs on Mars."

"Okay, we'll plant the first tree here for a carbon offset."

"Uh, carbon ain't my problem, buddy. Methane is."

"It doesn't have to be a fancy nightclub. A small tavern, say like Cheers. Face it. The Moon is a black hole."

How did you inflate your suit?

No, I said "Crappy Threaded Hose!"

"Identify yourself!"
"Negative! You will identify first!"

As long as they can tell the difference, that's all that matters.

"Oh God, I've got to vent this thing again!"

"The Taco Bell?"

"Yes, damnit, the Taco Bell!"

Teletubbies for the Post-Nuclear Age

Gesundheit!!

A romantic afternoon stroll. On Mars.

#1: Can you believe both Rudy Giullani and John McCain is paying James Joyner to run adds on his site?
#2: Nope. I doubt they are getting their money's worth out of it, and I hope Rodney Dill doesn't get a cut posting just twice a week. (See sidebars) :D

"Johnson, if you say "Look sir . . . droids!" one more time I swear to God I'll . . "

Remember when you said, "Not even if I was the last man on Earth"...

"I think these suits make us look 'Hefty' ".

"We're here in Siberia with Imus."

A scene from the new movie fantastic voyage 2: the brain of a liberal-"good God man are you getting the same readings that I am.... can't be, but I think my instrument must my be broken, let me see yours.....nope, it reads like mine, air and donkeypoo.....Strange".

"Whew, World War 3 is over. Just the two of us guys left. Wanna watch Brokeback Mountain?"

It ain't easy being green.

Calvin Klein's perfume commercials remain as obscure as ever.