Responding to a question about his latest mountain bike accident, President Bush said: "It was no big deal, just a few cactus needles had to be pulled from my chest."

President Bush, in a brave display of his bi-lingual diplomacy, welcomed the President of Columbia to Crawford, saying: "Mi ranch-o es su ranch-o."

"No, Helen, I have not grown man-boobs."

Us men in America, we wear BLUE shirts like this one. Not those Pink pansy-ass colors like the foreigner to my left has on.

I am indeed excited to have our special guest here today. In fact, I think my nipples are getting hard.

I am proud to welcome President Uribe, whose country's fine products I enjoyed for many years... hold on, my PR guy's waving at me.

"Mick's just pissed that I'm in favor of defending the sanctity of marriage, and he still hopes to marry David Bowie."

Alvaoro: Man he's cute....

"Wait, so you're saying I'm a minority now?"

"Look at me, pay no attention to the people jumping the fence."

At first, President Bush was confused. Only later did he realize the announcer didn't say "Simon says, touch your boobs."

"This new immigration bill will lift _and_ separate illegal foreigners from our shores."

"Whatcha askin' me for? I'm on vacation."

You talkin' to me?

OR

(to borrow from an old Dennis Miller Weekend Update about NYC being minority majority) Now that whites are in the minority in Texas, I'd like to add, I'm sick and tired of being hassled by The Man!

"She has huge ... budget deficits."

"Thank you for the question Helen, and by the way you have a button open. Please fasten it before I get sick!"

Do you really think that Al Gore does a better Macarena than me?

"These portable podiums really come in handy when I want to hold press conferences while walking around the ranch. And to look at y'all, you could really use some aerobic exercise. C'mon, guys, breathe!"

"That ain't no way to treat a lady, my friend!"

Doooo the macarena!

So you like the design of this shirt? I do too. Now that's an intelligent design.

Woops! Excuse me...that genuine Tex-Mex was trying to back-up...kinda hard to get used to again after all the sissified food the White House staff serves up. Does anyone have a Tums?

"Arriba Uribe. I also like to say Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity. That's fun. Ok, is it just me?"

The press stood by in horrified silence as President Bush burst into an impromptu performance of his favorite DiVinyls tune on live TV!

No, Helen, I will NOT join you in a suicide pact.

Pres: "How do I like my steaks? Rare with lots of salt. Ketchup and A-1 are for pussies."

I prefer the "bro" while Cheney likes the "Man-zier".

"I'm dead sexy. Look at my sexy body."

President Uribe waited patiently while President Bush pandered to the anti-American-German Community in Texas with his rendition of the Chickenhawk Dance.

"And I strongly feel that by working together, Mike Lupica and myself can solve the baseball-steroid problem."

"I don't give a rip if I'm not supposed to wear short sleeves after Ramadan. It's my favorite shirt and I ain't taking it off."

"I'm ... too sexy for my shirt..."

"Ok, so I used the term 'womanize' wrongly. And I did think it meant, well you know."

Sensing danger, George Bush ripped open his shirt, revealing that he was in fact SuperPresident, heroic crime fighter.