Short of cash, Hillary pawns her congressional trophies on eBay.

From the "Balls of Montazuma"...

This is 2008, these will replace the 'Lucky Rabbits Foot'.

Well, we used to sell 'em to hang on the back of pickup trucks, ya see. We hadda do SOMETHING with 'em...

Ain't Nothin' Like A Bag Of Nuts With A Cold Drink

With the Tibetan snow leopard nearing extinction, unscrupulous Chinese manufacturers are beginning to buy black market polar bear testicles for their novelty items.

that's why G*d made vodka

With Christmas just a round the corner, why not show your favorite PETA member, just how much you really care. Call 1-800-Nads-4-nuts ....

Third grade elementary school teacher Tony Williams, was able to cut down on the number of requests for bathroom breaks. Using his new bathroom keychain.

It's Miller Time!

No thanks .... I'll open it myself.

Got milk?

Don't know what to take with you to Burning Man this year?

A new line of vibrators with the optional "Chastity Belt" bypass system.

The inventor got the idea when, after arriving at the beach and discovering that they forgot a bottle opener, heard his friend exclaim, "Ah NUTS!"

Hmmm, attach a butane lighter and it could be marketed as "Nuts and Butts"

* Beernuts.

* THESE coconuts migrate!!!

* That's not a bottle opener... You've got two nuts and you're bangin' em together!!!

* Beer nuts are $2.29, but these nuts are under an opener.

* That opener isn't nuts... it's CRAZY!!!!

* The Hillary castration tool, model one.

* Spaceballs, the bottle opener.

* "Prepare for . . . LUDICROUS SPEED!" (No, I have no idea, either.)

* Don't these just remind you of those cute sippy birds?

* The answer to whatever happned to all those IBM Mouse balls.

Church keys-San Francisco style.

Bruce accepted the Australian marketing award for "Most innovative approach for selling formerly discarded product at a high margin"

Hey Bruce, quit fondling the bottle opener and bring me my beer.

Sheila was very disappointed when she found that Bruce didn't match up to his bottle opener.

I always wondered by Brokeback Mountain did so well in Australia.

They are expected to sell especially well at the DNC to people who want a pair but don't have the backbone to grow a pair themselves.

The really sad part is to watch them release the little joeys out into the wild after harvesting.

With a donation of just $200 to NOW, you receive this premium gift.

Sure it will start conversations at parties. I just don't want to be part of conversations like that.

Looking to accessorize her husband's wardrobe for the tough campaign ahead, Michele finds just what Barack needs while leafing through the J. Peterman Spring/Summer catalog.

Female kangaroos are tougher than I thought.

I know what I'll be stuffing Christmas stockings with this year.

Outback oysters.

Yeah, it works great, but every time I open a beer there's this little voice in my head that says, "Now, cough."

(Courtesy of the Asylum Street Spankers, probably Wammo if I had to guess.)

Scrotum, scrotum,
It's my wrinkly, crinkly bag of skin.
Scrotum, scrotum,
It's the thing I keep my testes in.
Well it's wrinkly and it's crinkly and it's covered with hair,
And I don't know what I'd do if it was not there.
Oh, scrotum, scrotum,
It's my wrinkly, crinkly bag of skin.

"Yes, ma'am, they're in aisle three just below the kangaroo corkscrews and bottle stoppers."

Now we know why they had to tie the kangaroo down.

Now we know why they had to tie the kangaroo down, sport.

Outback: No jewels, just right.

In the immortal words of General McAuliffe, "Nuts!"

Objets d' art used as stunt doubles in the movie "Brokeback Mountain, part Deux."

"I was fine opening my beer with it but I got the heebie-jeebies using the matching silverware."

Sometimes, having some of "the hair of the dog that bit you" is taken to the extreme.

Hey look, it doesn't have "Made in China" stamped on it.

"Perhaps," the marketing director said, "rebranding Colei Cola would help sales a bit."

From a stack of rejected Cream album covers.

(Correction: Man this is embarrassing. Please delete the previous entry if you can. Thanks.)

From a stack of rejected Pink Floyd album covers.

Uh, ok, what do you have on tap?

(Correction: Man this is embarrassing. Please delete the previous entry if you can. Thanks.)

From a stack of rejected Pink Floyd album covers.

For some reason I was thinking yo meant 'Blind Faith"

* So, what happened to the bears these were attached to?

* The bartender got left holding the bag

* The funny part is, my dog won't lick the bottle opener.

* The product of Russian inventor Ooja Nikabolokov.

* Yes, these are real moth balls. You should see the MOTH.

* Why they fnally outlawed picket fences in Rippem, Iowa.

* Just think; If it was a lighter, we could all yell "GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!"

* The concession stand at the Rugby match.

* All the way home, the invaders wondered why they were not taken seriously.

Kangaroo cull begins in Australia: No kidding.

Previously having misplaced his, Barack takes no chances .... and stocks up before the election.

"Heh, you must have hated those kangaroo's"
(Dudley Moore/Arthur reset)

Not even gonna try.
Can't top charles austin with his ...

Now we know why they had to tie the kangaroo down.

Still laughing.

eBay ... shop victoriously!

And the campaign to make kangaroos a dry species is well underway.

Q: Why are you holding your balls in your hand?
A: Because I can.

While the new bottle openers proved to be great stocking stuffers, they had a tendency to make bottles foam over if handled too much.

Ouch, that left a mark.

Goes without saying, you'll need a set of balls to open your can of whoop ass.

DNC handbook, page two .... be sure to have an opener on hand, for your daily can of worms.

"The one on the far right was Leroy. He had this funny habit of hiccuping periodically so this is an excellent end for him."

Can you open her?