We're down to just two finalists in the "Please think of me as the next John F. Kennedy" contest.

And unlike John McCain who hid in Vietnam all those years, I'm willing to take the bold step and go to Cambodia for Christmas.

And the reason my halo is missing is that evil racist George W. McCain would rather put it around Halliburton.

I have already instructed the NEA to put Saul Alinsky's marvelous training course into our new school legislation titled,"No Conservative Left"

...And yes America, I am proud to accept the Democratic nomination. I will, with the help of AmTrack, make an effort to visit each and every American that I can. As long as you stop calling it the 'Soul Train'.

"Change": For Kerry it precipitated his downfall; only time will tell if serves as a winner for Obama.

And another thing .... that John McCain eats tiny little babies for breakfast. Bet ya didn't know that?

The Ascent of Democratic Presidential Candidates.

I voted for Kodos.

"Poets, priests and poiticians
Have words to thank for their positions.
Words that scream for your submission
And no ones jamming their transmission.
Cuz when their eloquence escapes you
Their logic ties you up and rapes you."

"De do do do, de da da da is all I want to say to you!"

... and there are no swift boats in MY closet.

Losers

Obama: And I'm gonna take your money and give it to this man behind me!

"Unlike the spouses of McCain and Kerry, my wife is poor, something I hope to remedy come November."

As my Secretary Of Da Fence, he will organize the Bureau Of Medal Pitchin'.

Treebeard pretended to everyone else at the moot that he could understand what the young human was saying, but in fact, the words all blurred in his long woody ears like sap exposed on a cold winter morning.

Kerry thought bubble: "Once you go Ba-rack, you never go back...giggle"

Yes! I will surrender-- any place, any time and with NO preconditions!

"...and if I had ANY military records, I wouldn't release them either.

* A ase of the Blindly Stupid leading the blindly ambitious.

* (thought bubble: Kerry=VP...Kerry=VP...Kerry=VP...Kerry=VP...Kerry=VP...Kerry=VP...Kerry=VP...Kerry=VP...)

* (Thought Bubble) "If only that Suntan stuff I used hadn't gone orange, I could've looked like Him")

" . . . and unlike my opponent, Senator Kerry and I married beautiful, polite women who love this country!"

Kerry under his breath: "well, this is looking good for our side. A clean, well dressed, well spoken black man and...sh*T!, the hair...HE NEEDS MORE PRESIDENTIAL HAIR"

Kerry thought:"Brotha wears mad threads reminiscent of Jengis Khan..."

A donkey and rocking pony show.

... furthermore the honest, hard-working men and women of America won't have to shell out $300 for one of my haircuts.

You are probably asking yourselves why I would take the advice of a loser. Frankly, I'm wondering about that too.

Kerry: "hat's off, the man can flat out speak well, great orator...BUT...$5 says he looks like a black sperm in a NASA suit"

Kerry: "heh, since "they" don't go into water we don't have to worry about him getting busted looking like a dork while windsurfing"

Kerry: "Boy, these angry black man speeches really put a tear in my eyes...I...uh-oh...I feel faint...LEARCH IS GOING DOWN M-E-D-I-C!!"

Kerry on my wayward son...

Senator Kerry struggles to remember where he'd heard that before as Senator Obama says, "We have to destroy this country in order to save it!"

John Kerry wistfully wonders why John Edward couldn't have been born a poor black child, especially considering he's such a jerk.

Kerry: "OOOOH, goody, he does impersonations too. That's one mean Malcom X"

Barack: "And (dramatic pause) if (dramatic pause) I am elected President of the United states, I will (dramatic pause) join....A WHITE CHURCH FROM THE BURBS!!!."

Barack: "Damn straight!, in 2004 when running for the Senate I said I wouldn't fund the war. But that was before I was for it"
Kerry: "oh sh*t"

The Whacko Kid applauds as the new sheriff delivers a stirring eulogy for Hedley Lamarr.

A twinge of concern passes through John Kerry's consciousness as he listens to Senator Obama declare, "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

Kerry thought bubble: At least it didn't take me 16 months to beat a girl.

"A lot of Republicans call me a one-trick pony. Well, there's only one horse in this Party and it's . . . oh, he's right behind me, isn't he?"

While Obama makes an historic acceptance speech...

Kerry hears from his hidden earpiece: "The Washington National's take a commanding lead over the Chicago Cubs late in the fouth inning..."

"... and I will hurt the next man that scares me by making a loud noise clapping noise behind my back."

The first campaign commercial by the McCain for President '08 committee has been released.

And I don't wear no G*d d*mn American flag lapel pin neither (oh hey, wait a minute .... what week is this?).

You got the DVD beeyotch? ... Huh? Well do ya (punk)?

[All characterizations in this motion picture are fictional. Any resemblance to any persons living or dead, are purely coinkydink].

Kerry thought bubble: "he's all that and then some....but his handlers can't hunt ducks like mine..so there"

The "I have a nightmare" speech

Waffles ... you wanna talk waffles? I'll show you waffles, you ain't seen nuthin yet!.

John Kerry caught in an awkward moment of deciding to clap after not clapping, or deciding not to clap after clapping. Maintaining the viability of a future candidacy is such a tremendous burden for a nuanced man.

"Chocolate rations will be increased to twenty grams per week."

Chicken 'n waffles

If you vote for me, Susan Sarandon won't hafta move to Canada. Please do it for the children of Hollywood!

In the Heat of the Late Afternoon.

OT - Can Democrats nominate anyone who didn't go to Harvard or Yale? The party really does seem to be turning into a narrowminded, self-selecting, incestuous little cabal.

Lakers or Celtics!?! I'm not going to tell you again, leave my wife out of this!

"And with nothing more than the touch of my magic finger I will ..."

Senator Obama leads his followers in the Two Minutes Hate.

Na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-Hillary, goodbye