Paris: "Like, the other day I was totally into like a hybrid solution to our energy problem where we drill in safe places where there is no oil while spending totally huge amounts of money on "green" stuff. I think i'm still for that...wha-EVERRRR. Today, i'd like to talk about under inflated breasts..."

Paris: "Hi, i'm like Paris Hilton and today i'd like to tell you how to get your hard earned money to work for you."

That's hot (because it burns when I pee).

* That's why I'm joining Bill Clinton's call for Monogamy!

* We'll have dinner at sex...Uh SIX!! SIX!!!

* If this tell you she has a headache you're REALLY in trouble

* Barack, you didn't hire her as a consultant, did you?

* The only advantage she has is that everyone lies about how great it was.

* Sex...sex sex sex...where were we?

No, sooo how you doin?

Fer sure. I am going to run for Vice president.

"I'm for McCain on Monday Wednesday and Friday. I advance the military, leave no child behind, brand my own justice and promote triple witching days.

I'm for Obama on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. I reduce poverty and injustice, promote international cooperation, advance human achievement and get an abortion."

Today is Sunday, my day of faith-based initiatives."

"Dearest Voter,
Many of you are already aware of my positions on the ..um issues. Yes, I have been seen to change positions but I dont consider this like flopping. Let it be known that like I have been told that I can do quite well at the polls."

While the bathing suit looks nice Paris, I don't think the term 'off shore drilling' means what you think it means.

Why would people listen to someone with so little real world experience, such a thin resume of accomplishments, whose only talents seems to be publicity seeking and self promotion. And don't even get me started on Paris.

Come and see the racism inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, Didn't you?

"I'm Paris Hilton and I know several positions. I mean I HAVE positions..."

"Hello. I'm Paris Hilton and today I'm wearing my "Get Out The Vote" dress from my new Fall collection."

"How do you do. I'm Paris Hilton, standing in for Keith Olbermann..."

"Hi, I'm Paris Hilton and I'm here to talk something I'm well aquainted with: VD."

"You must be this big (spreads hands wide apart) to ride this ride."

"While my only qualifications are one that you'd find in an adult film star, I'm firm in my positions. Or maybe I like firm positions? I dunno, but I'm really a fan of firm."

"Sure, I've got the intellectual capacity of Cabbage Patch doll and the sex appeal of a $10 hooker, but the size of my trust fund means that you should listen to me."

"You will notice that I'm in favor of proper inflation. Just look at my breasts!"

"So let me be clear: Drill now. Drill deeper. Drill harder. Drill fasterfasterfasterfasterohgodohgodohOHGOD!!!!...
I'm Paris Hilton and I approved this message. I'm going to approve it again as soon as I catch my breath."

* Me? I'm voting for Kermit. He's the GREEN candidate. Right?

* Sign on the wall, just out of frame to the left: "Days since last Scandal: 0"

* She was well known for her wildly varied positions on each of the candidates. "Yes, I'm politically active", she whispered tartly.

New evidence shows the culprit in the pool chair herpes pandemic.

"By the time you see this, my boyfriend will already have the clap."

As you can plainly see, the other chairs are filled with Paris' profoundest thoughts.

What will Popeye say when he sees me dressed like this??

Is a little "Olive Oyl" good for a tan?

My policy on drilling? Stock up on Valtrex!

Hi, this is Paris. MoveOn.org has just put me in charge of air quality and that's why I am the proud leader of "Airheads for Obama".

Americans everywhere struggled to understand the difference between Libertarians and the newly-formed Libertine Party.

HELP..i can't get out of this STUPID lounger because the heel of this STUPID shoe is stuck in the STUPID crack!!

"So, like, speaking of offshore drilling, does anybody else totally smell Astro Glyde?"

Drill here.

Damnit, who keeps photoshoping bottoms on me!?!?!?

Paris: "Heh...pool shoes...rymes with iodine bath"

Paris: "In lieu of recent events uncovered by our steadfast journalists in the media, I would like to go on record and say I do NOT support John Edwards drilling plans"

I'm Paris Hilton. And you're not.

Just when you thought it was safe to turn da innernets back on .....

John Edwards isn't the father of my baby. The old wrinkled white guy is!

Just say no to celebutantes.

I'm Paris Hilton .... and I aprroved this muhsahwz.

Now in smellovision!

"Potentially bad tanlines or not, I'm going in someone's cabinet. The scriptwriters told me that's hot."

"For Vice President? Well, Johnny McCain is reviewing my credentials.