Obama's running mate inspects the color guard at the Democratic convention.

Penguin: "wha...NO I cannot dance like the penguin in the movie...a-hole"

Penguin: "HEY...did you just spit your gum on my wing????"

Penguin: "GOOD LORD men...you look like Gene Simmons in civil war garb"

Are you happy to see me or is that a tuna fish sandwich I smell in your pocket?

Unexpected military benefits of global warming as marine recruitment soars !!

Introducing our latest recruit. Also seeking cats, pigs and ferrets. Huge sign-on bonus to pet owners.

"Alright... who said, 'Yeti Sports Anyone?'"

"That's him, but I won't seek a paternity test."

"Where are you from, son?"
"Madison City, Missouri, sir!"
"....Never heard of it."

Buoyed by the success of "March of the Penguins",
Luc Jacquet starts casting for a movie version of "The Nutcracker" to be out before Christmas.

After the invasion from Antarctica, the Emperor inspects his captors.

Stand straight or it's the "fish slapping dance" for you soldier!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMKCLyhBBwI

* Scene from the rather strange remake of "An Officer and a Gentleman".

* "Oh, intercourse the penguin!"

* Linux comes to the British Military

* Look at this, Herbie... a lawn dart with legs!

* YES! no,no,no,no,no, Yes! no,no,no,no,no, Yes! no,no,Yes no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,YES! (Head bobs, birdlike, as the soldiers leave) I LOVE quick time Harch..... (OK, 50 points: What movie was that from?)

* "Quick! Throw me a mackeral!"

* "Come along, my little booboochitos."

I know what to do if the emperor has no clothes, but this is 'above my pay grade'.

This is what happens when you rigorously enforce the 'don't ask - don't tell' policy, drill sergeants of other species.

You eyeballin' me boy?

I know the idea of having a penguin as being the colonel-in-chief of the King's guards seems ridiculous. But compare the Kings guards track record to the secret service and you have to wonder if they aren't on to something.

Do you see how sloppy that line is? It's not that I am prejudiced against penguins. Some of my best friends are penguins. But he is just not up to the job.

Penguin: Clean that bird poop off your show soldier.
Soldier: What bird poop?
Penguin: Give me a minute. I had a bread and cheese fondue last night.

Suspicions were raised about the new Colonel-in-chief when it was discovered he had a distinct Scottish accent.

1. " What's that on your uniform?! A pledge pin?! Drop and give me twenty!"

2. I may be short but let me tell you, Yoda isn't the only badass short guy out there.

3. Thanks for the fish, soldier!

4. I like to move it, move it, move it.

Penguin: "SOLDIER...do I amuse you?..you think i'm funny?, how, like a clown?"

Penguin: "..aaats right BITCHES....full Bird Colonel"

Penguin: "That cwazy wabbit is in here somepwace!"

Penguin: "...and you'll stand here until someone returns the fish oil!"

Penguin: "What we've got here is a failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach."

Penguin: "Alright! Who said nuns look just like penguins?"

"I was born an Emperor Penguin! Napoleon was a wannabe and a late starter!"

"What's that on your uniform? A pledge penguin? Drop and give me twenty!"

"Uncle Arctic! Who said that?"

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT!!!!!
You want a transfer to the Seals?

. . . and when Pvt. Pengy was selected to catch the bayoneted rifle from Cpl. Stevens, well, that's when the boys knew it was "grillin' night."

p.s.

OK, 50 points: What movie was that from?

Mel Brooks' History of the World Part I. ("He's up! . . . And gone!")

Sheesh! He takes this "Emperor" Penguin thing a bit too seriously, don't you think?

Eyes . . RIGHT - - AND DOWN JUST A BIT!

"That's right soldier, NEVER leave your wingman. I happen to take that very seriously."

Mabel's right. All humans DO look alike.

Laugh now, but when the ice melts and the oceans rise, you'll wish you had paid attention to what I'm telling ya.

Penguin thought bubble: "It has to be Intelligent Design. There's no way evolution could have made that many mistakes."

Penguin to soldier: "If this were California, I'd marry you."

Penguin thought bubble: "I bet they taste like chicken."

I bet they never make a documentary called "The 'Position of Attention' of the Penguins."

Chest up. Gut in. Head Straight. (I've always wanted to do this.)

* Just think of it as a leather bird.

* (Bleep)...... he's a full Bird Coronel!!

* Does he swim south for the winter?

* Data, after he became the Bird

* At this point in the proceedings, the military band struck up their own rendition of "Free Bird"

Maybe that should be Freeze bird

Penguin: Yes, I've heard every "Surfin' Bird" joke before.

Penguin thought bubble: "The other kids only have tin soldiers."

Penguin thought bubble: "Damn it's hot out here on the drill field. They ought to hold these inspections closer to the officer's club."

Maybe that should be Freeze bird

Arrgh.... that one got by me.
Got any Mackerel?

Grounded from flight status by evolution, penguins still make excellent infantry officers.

Penguin: "Oh yeah, wise guy, well your pecker can't catch fish."

"Kippers. Have you seen my kippers?"

Penguin: "NOPE, not Biden, just read it on OTB"

Penguin: "WTF?!?!?...did you just call me Pingu??...NOOOOOK NOOK!"

Soldiers: "Colonel Olav, me and the mates was wundrin..which came first, the penguin or the egg?"

Colonel Olav: "whether..uh..uhh..you’re looking at it from a theological perspective or a...uhhh...uhhh...scientific perspective, answering that question with...uhh...specificity ....is..uhh...above my pay grade"

Penguin thought bubble: "That must be their winter plumage."

Solder: Seriously dude, the last guy who laughed is swimming with the, er, fishes.

Penguin: Nope, couldn't be assigned to the US where they wear decent duds. Had to mess with my web site designer and get sent here.

Penguin: And you thought global warming wasn't serious- the freaking polar bears are working the MGM in Vegas!

.... and they said I wasn't qualified to be Commander in Chief.

Who's got the fishy? You got the fishy .... one of ya's gotta have a kipper for your ole bud Nils?

Ya think this Speedo makes me look short?

So Phelps has got medals, big deal. Let's see him outrace a polar bear ... underwater, under ice.

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? Well I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to?

Soldier, I'll have you know that I fought in Waddle Canal.

"Listen up, Doughboys. The new uniform is the gray tuxedo. Fittings are tomorrow.'I shall return.' 'Remember the Maine!' 'You must do your damdest and win.'"

"I sure hope you boys like fish."