And as soon as I'm sworn in this very office will be turned over to the homeless.

Are there any groupies hanging around since the Clinton days, George?

Say George, can you get me a flight suit like you wore on that carrier for my presidential wardrobe?

Yes George, were going to call my first 100 days, "Scamelot!"

You say that stain on the carpet is from the Clinton era?

It's time to "moveon" George. The other George is taking over now.

There isn't much room here for those Kenya dancers I'm bringing over.

"Birth certificate?" Not you too George.

And the Lincoln bedroom will be known as the "People's wing...."

Yes Obama, I can assure you that those pillars out front aren't made of foam.

Yale punts to Harvard.

Michelle wants a secret passageway and pink curtains.

But of course Mr. President .... what is spoken here, stays here.

Actually ... the only person from the Clinton administration we're not bringing back, is Bill (yes Mr. President, we do spell change a little different in Chicago, we sure do).

If you could be out by Friday? That would really help my guys out ..... they wanna get started on the scaffolds. By the way Mr. President, how much do you weigh?

Bush-so you want to know where the secret location is, and if can you drop Biden off there now?

Bush-Ya I'm all for alternative energy, you know saw grass and such, but let me give you a little tip Barakie, I tried one of them there hybrids, and they ain't worth a sh-t!

Well first .... with some of the money left over from the $700 million, we're going to add a fourth floor. That way we'll have room for my mother-in-law. And Maureen Dowd, Andrew Sullivan, Keith Olberman, Louis Farrakhan, George Clooney, Jesse Jackson, Dennis Kucinich, Code Pink, George Soros, and the PFLP.

Michelle thinks we should then change the name to the Rainbow Room. Me ... I'm kinda partial to Barryville.

What do you think G' Dub?

No ... really George, go ahead and pull my finger.

Nice flowers Mr. President, Who sent them to you?

To paraphrase the Late Great Johnny Cash!...

Well, the one on the right was on the left
And the one on the left was In the middle
And no one in the middle was on the right
and the guy in the rear?

...
But political incompatibility led to their downfall...
And as the audience watched deliriously
They had a free-for-all!!

Did you know NFL games could end in a tie?

And, Oh, by the way Barrack; the Chitterlings and Collards are delivered every Tuesday afternoon.

And, No, the Lincoln Bedroom is not large enough to have Chris Matthews and his staff from MSNBC to move in to.

And, as for the choice of dogs, there no such breed as a Bush-Whacker.

Yes, you are right, soldiers are more effective if you let them use real bullets.

No, the United Nations was not here first, and we, as US citizens, did not decide to come here and become squatters.

And again, there are Fifty states...

Learning at the feet of the master.

Obama: "I'm thinking peach rather than beige."

Bush: "Yeah, that'd work. Just avoid that rainbow stripy thing."

W: "No, Barack, I don't think 'Pimp My Office' is a good way to reach your constituents."

Barack: "Maybe I should talk Michelle into being on 'Hell's Kitchen.'"

Obama: So tell me- how's the fried chicken in this place?

Obama: Dammit, George! They made me go around and enter by the back door!

Obama: The Clintons tell me that I can get $395 a night for the Lincoln bedroom. Whaddya think?

Repeat after me. Nu-cle-ar.

Seriously, enjoy the love affair with the press as long as you can, because honestly...I don't think they're going to give you almost nine months before they attack. Might be the only time Joe Biden's ever been right about anything.

...on a lighter note, I had a kick-ass Bose system installed in the walls here, you won't BELIEVE the clarity and bass response.

Dubya: "Meh."

"That Nicholas Cage movie, it's all true."

"I'm sorry, Mr. President -- I know the financial crisis has made it difficult to get a mortgage, but you really do need to be out of here by January 20."

Someday, son, this will all be yours.

"I'll give you six months before Keith Olbermann calls you the worst person in the world."

Hope and change.

Hope and change.

"Don't mess with Texas."

"Are you threatening me?"

"You owe your election to me more than anyone else on earth. Don't forget it."

Obama: Say can I get a bottle of Ripple?

Dubya: Huh?

* World's worst Dating video, number 44

* Barry, about that horse's head....

Hey, Barry, please try to keep yer malt liquor on the doily! Laura makes an effort, ya know?

I'm impressed, George; you chose a pale beige rug for The Oval Office. I guess you weren't worried about any stains. Tee hee hee.

No, really, Barack...."From the ghost of Abigail Adams doing her laundry in the East Room to the spirit of Dolley Madison overlooking the Rose Garden, the White House has its own legend of ghost stories that have been passed down over the years."

You might as well learn to bowl, Barack. With an economic crisis hanging over your head, you won't be able to replace the lanes with a basketball court just yet.

Read my lips, "Scottish Terrier." The press is in your back pocket now, Barry, but the honeymoon is shortlived.

Geez, Barry, forget Cheney shooting wildly. You made it open season on First Ladies with that seance remark.

The Chef got beans and Texas BBQ down real good; but tell Michelle I can't say how he does with Pistachio Arugula Pesto.

Don't taze me bro ....

Dubya: "Tell Joe Biden that Dick Cheney is dying to show him his shotgun collection".

No George, we don't have to switch. I'll try to explain it one more time. See, I am actually LEFT of you as the people see us. It is only from our perspective that I am RIGHT of you - it's called 'stage right'. But that is not how the people view us. See, when we are in FRONT of the people, they see us ... oh, never mind.

Say, where do you keep the aspirin in here?

What took them so long to replace Grossman with Orton........?

Yup ... uh huh, the keys to the United States fed-rall gubment. Are indeed in a drawer in that desk, right thar ..... Are you sure you gotta license?

Bush - "So, did you ever hear the one about the Blonde who ..."

Obama - "Actually, I plan to replace these lamps with a matching set of the fishnet stocking leg lamps from A Christmas Story."

Obama: Well, George, you know I can't admit it publicly, but-yeah--Olbermann is an asshat.