Jay, I want to take this opportunity to tell America that Chrissy Matthews and I are getting married.

Listen carefully folks - can you hear the space ship coming?

So I said to Sarah, while waiting for the debates, "nice hair, is that done with plugs too?

I told Obama, "God sakes man" there are only 54 states...."

Just think Jay, if Obamba passes away or something, I get JFK's little black book.

I know New Jersey Jay and if you look it up on my office map -it's only about this big.

The walls of my soon-to-be "undisclosed location" are this thick and I'm told they'll even have some extra padding for my protection.

V.P. elect: "Ladies and gentlemen...mark my words...January 21st will be a test for our young President.....and I predict it will be this big"

Jay: "Now, VP elect Biden, I hear you do a real mean impersonation of the robot from Lost in Space..can you do a little bit for us?"

Now look, the Gaza strip is only this wide. There is not much left, and the Palestinians deserve a place to call home too. Don't you think the Israeli's have taken enough!

"Look, Joe Six-Pack was named after me. I used to have a frumpy look. I exude backwater dingbat. I pander and sloganeer and drop-my-g's. And watch this honey! I can pageant-walk while wearin' my lipstick on a pig hockey mom smile." (wink)*

*Help from HuffPo

Leno announces his replacement

Tonight, for the first time on TV, Walter performs without Jeff Dunham!!!

Biden does the same "stand up" routine for 35 years.

Poor old Joe, he managed to stand, but his arms were still stuck in the armrest position!

That's right Joe, Your almost there! Now just bend your knees and you'll be seated!

After working with Obama on the campaign,I can hardly walk and here's why!!

"Your ass must be this wide to fill the Secretary of State position."

Biden demonstrates his ability to do the humpty-dance.

Biden: "I can shimmy like my sister, Kate"

Chuck, stand up, Chuck, let 'em see you. Oh, God love you, what am I talking about?

I can't believe I did that again. Everybody stand up.

Viagra, baby.

Jay rather emphatically suggests that Joe keep his day job.

Joe: "Can you believe it, I'm the President of the United frickin States."
Jay: "That's not funny Joe. Now sit down before I call security."

Two guys who don't know when to gracefully leave.

VP: Aaaand that's why he's the president and I'm just the little vice-president.

In an effort to connect with today's generation, VP-elect Biden breaks out in The Macarena.

Unaware that he has dropped his Hula Hoop, Biden continues on, making an utter fool of himself once again.

Five, Five, Five Dollar Footlong!

I am what they call, "a Super Liberal"

Biden: "Leon Panetta? I think it was just a mistake. Am I right?"

Once you go black, you never go back. No, seriously, it was this big... And people say I didn't work hard to become VP.