"Go ahead, Dubya. We dare ya!"

Ummm no, you don't have to raise your hand to go to the bathroom here.

"OK who in the h3ll made the OTB server go down this morning?"

Beware The Madcap Troika

Intercom: Ok, Who farted?!

How much is 3 + 2 ?

How much is 3 + 2 ?

Well sir it's a pen, but that is beside the point.

Excuse me, my translator has been singing REO Speedwagon songs for the past hour.

"Condi asked who did it, Bolton looked at me and that's when I says, I says, 'The smeller is the feller.' She blamed the left wing conspiracy. Johnnie named Gore, Kerry and Hillary. And that's how we got the giggles. Sorry Mister UN man."

Condi: Like, omigod, his butt is sooooo big!
The Bolt: I don't look at shit like that, ma'am
Condi: Neither Do I, I was just saying... I looooove how he does that?
The Bolt: Does What?
Condi: Don't you think he's sexy when he raises his hand like that. It's so....grrrrr

* Things have gotten a little different since they started showing up at these government auctions.

* Just what the hell have I gotta do to get their attention, in here?

* Comon, Kofi... Pick me! Pick ME!

"You know, I'd sign this warrant asking me to step down from the office of Secretary General and allow the investigators to search through my private files, but I don't have a pen on me at the moment..."

President punk’d by fake interpreter Bill Murray who translates Kofi’s welcome to new delegates as “who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end?”

I have to do #1 and #2 so that makes it a three-finger bathroom call, right?

Speaker: So for the White House's skit for the Year-End Gala, who's in charge of that?

Bush: I am Ma'm.

Speaker: And your title and topic

Bolton and Condi laughing in the background

Bush: We're going to mock the Democrats, and it's titled The Three Stooges go to Washington.

"How many here voted for John Kerry for President?"

"It has been moved and seconded to adopted a resolution calling on ZZTop to shave off their beards and get real jobs. All in favor...?"

President Bush responds to a taunt from John Bolton by flashing a little-known "Skull & Bones" obscene gesture.

"Dang it, I never could get the hang of that Spock salute!"

OK, I'll ask a second time (serious responses only this time) who truly believes that Islamic moderates will one day take back their religion?

Bush: I hereby appoint Miss Piggy as US Representative to the UN Council on Islamic Relations.

Condi: Oh, no, he di-in't!

Bolton: *SNORK!*

He who smelt it, dealt it.

"Uh yeah, Kofi, I was just wonderin'. Who's the sour bitch that's sittin' behind Condi and The Bolt that ain't laughin' at my hairlip joke about Ted Kennedy and a "boat wide"?

I'll bid $500,000 for that signed original of Kerry's Form 180!

Okay folks, who owns the little dog that just crapped on Senator Kennedy's shoes?

Who ordered the Fajitas for the box lunch?

All those who wear briefs....

Ok, who's going to lead off the share and tell?

Anybody know who's wearing the "kick me" sign?

Did anybody get under 30% on their Geography Test?

Can anyone here spell potato?

Sorry about your indictment Mr Delay.
Did anyone else have a bad week?

I, George W., do solemnly swear to use this here pen to keep on appointing people to positions of global importance -- as long as the appointment pisses off the Dems and makes Californians get all squeaky-voiced.

"Bueller...
Bueller...
Bueller...(sigh)
Bush."

"And if anyone is opposed to transferring control of the Internet to the United Nations, speak now or..."

Oooooooh...Pick me! Pick Me, Kofi. I know this one...What was a conspiracy between you, Chirac, Shroeder and Saddam with bribes funded by the Oil For Food program. Now I'll take Instances of Genocide Ignored by the UN for $800.

Condi-- (speaking under buck teeth) "Would somebody please tell Georgie he doesn't have to raise his hand? He's the President."

KOFI ANNAN: "Okay which one of you wise-asses swapped my tuna sandwich for a can of 10W40 and an envelope full of Iraqi Dinars?"

Who here thinks the U.N. is a complete waste of time and money?

Voice offstage: "How can we make Bolton's mustache darker and more manly? Anybody got an idea?"

Mr. President, you don't use the pinky, you use the pointer finger and then say: "Kofi, read between the lines."

John Bolton and Condi Rice share a chuckle at the expense of the Boss after Bolton put a post-it note on the President's back saying, "Who's your daddy?"

President Bush demonstates how he holds his pen
as he prepares to do his Bob Dole impersonation.

Dubya: "Fascinate, I have nine buttons but I can only fasten eight"

Excuse me, how do I dial up "Tex-ish" on this translator thingy?

After Kofi Annan announced the next item on the agenda was the declaration "John Bolton is a mean mother", the delegates signified their votes of "aye" with a show of hands.

"Kofi, Condi and John are picking on me."

Five points from the Carlyle Group for being insufferable know-it-alls.

Two hours later when Bush suddenly started laughing everyone figured he had finally got the joke.

Shut up you two. I got this one. The strategery is..... uuhh, to simply do what we want until we get caught. Then we, uh, blame 911, wave a bunch of nucueballs around and tell 'em how 'hard' it is..... If that doesn't work, I put on a pair of second hand leather work gloves, get make-up to spritz some sweat on me, and I make a cut with a chainsaw....