Errr, I'm so mad. His limo took my spot again.

There's three of us and two of them. We can take 'em, I'm sure.

Damn, did I miss the red tie memo! Somebodies head is going to roll for this. mpw

Rock. Rock.

OK, pick the hand with the keys to my "secret location".

Check the biceps; I've been working out with Aaaaaarnold.

Sure, sure, the President received the Peace prize BUT I think I'm gonna get the War prize for fighting with the GOP since 1973.

Then he banged his hands on the massive desk and declared: "Saturday Night Live is programma non grata."

I fart in your general direction, you empty-headed wiper of other people's bottoms!

Joe, have you ever heard the one about how jerking off gives you hairy palms?

Yup, I really did beat Palin up during the debates.

Biden doesn't quite understand why they all call him "punchy".

Joe Biden caught milking the giant cow

Biden: Why is everybody kicking me?

Javier: Heh Heh, I put a kick me sign on Joe's back.

Biden - "The three of them will get hit with it in a second just watch their faces. The best part of this job is that they have to pretend not to hear it."

Fiber ... it does a body good.

... so I wiped the sand out of my eyes, signed up for Charles Atlas' course and just look at the results.

Biden - "I hope that was just gas and not misplaced confidence."

This sheriff don't need guns.

Biden - "Barack said we are lifting don't ask, don't tell - so go ahead tell them its mine."

Biden - "When I told Barack to stimulate the economy, I told him we were going to have give it the gas."

Joe seemed clean and articulate to his fellow world leaders...until he crapped himself trying to show off "Mike & Ike".

Biden - "So we are all in the Situation Room, Barack is to my left, going over McChrystal's recommendations and then I hear the number of troops he wants so I do one these moves, and it wasn't gas. Talk about your WTF moments."

"Dancing With The Stars called so I buffed up a little to look good in my sleeveless, open-front shirt."

Dammit, I told them all to wear black, but I forgot about the red tie syndrome. Dammit again!

"IIIII...FART!!!.. in your general direction."

Biden vs. Holyfield, 2009!!! sunday Sunday SUNDAY!! BE THERE!!

Biden: How's my Dole impression...?

"You had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte."*

*You're So Vain ~ Carly Simon

Botox Treatments - $1,000 per month.
Hair Plugs - $15,000.
Having State Department lackeys deal with your Depends - Priceless.

{singing, from The Wizard of Oz}
Yeah, it's sad, believe me, Missy,
When you're born to be a sissy,
Without the vim and verve.
But I could show my prowess,
Be a lion, not a "mowess,"
If I only had the nerve.

We must
we must
we must improve our bust
The bigger the better
the tighter the sweater
We must
we must
we must improve our bust.

My other right hand?