Gentlemen: I bring to you the real result of too many years of callously dumping pvc's into our atmosphere! Astro-skin! And it doesn't rust and is impervious to sunburn!

After a long series of changes in uniforms, due to offending sensitivities of various special interest groups, the Neutral Nothings show off their new uniforms.

The first all white, hip hop trio, make their debut at the "Apollo Theater"

Merck, the well known pharmacutical manufacturer shows off its new "wonder shield" condom for safe sex!

Frustrated by 25 years of being denied recognition by the Academy Awards, George Lucas calls in the troops.

* This is not the opera singer you're looking for. He can go about his business. Move along.

* Darth Vader, pictured here with his bodyguards, before he developed his breathing problem.

* The "Three Tenors" show expanded a bit over the years

* President Clinton did have a rather chummy relationship with the BATF.

* STAR WARS: The Empire Dresses up; the Director's Cut...

* The Empire: Taking over, and looking damned good doing it!!

* Hi. We're from a Galaxy far, far away. Where's your bathroom?

* (Recruiting poster) The few, the proud, the Force sensative....

* Your average Denny's at 3am....

* Rocky Horror Picture Show audience members.....

* Hey, Storm Troopers get married, too....

* Unable to get the bartender's aattention, Darth tries using the force to get a refill

* In later years, Darth Vader was forced to take up another career... as a lounge singer. Here, he's shown with his 'posse'. Word, yo!

Trooper TK-124 (on right) holds a gun to Lucas:

TK-124: You WILL NOT make any more sucky ass movies or I will blast a hole in your back the size of a grapefruit. If you know what is good for you and your family you will leave the writing and directing to someone who is competent.

Uh, I thought we were all going to dress up for this. Thanks a lot, jackass.

At a press conference today, George Lucas sipped the warm blood of an inept Industrial Light & Magic intern and announced he is dispatching his imperial storm troopers Halloween night to patrol the streets and forcibly exact royalties from children wearing non-licensed Star War costumes. He did exempt children in homemade Jar Jar Binks costumes from fees and added that someday, the misunderstood amphibian would be one of his most loved creations.

In this file photo, George Lucas, seeking to portray himself as Darth Vader, annouces that filming on Star Wars: Episode I has completed.

Guards for The Oxymoron Black And White Ball, a Korean event excluding anyone black or white.

"When George Lucas is drunk, he doesn't see pink elephants. But he wishes he does."

The short list of potential Supreme Court nominees submitted by Andy Card, upon hearing that Harriet Miers had withrawn.

Graying hair? Balding? Paunchy? Wish to appear larger in the codpiece? Join the Army. Look good. Wear the new uniform with pride.

Hi, I'm George. And this is my brother Daryl, and my other brother Daryl and my other brother Daryl.

"Sometimes," Lucas says, "you have to go to war with the army you've got." Boots on the Ground -- JarJar's understudy -- had not informed him that his army was an Army of Three and a Gun of One.

"There's nothing to see here. He's not the multi-billionaire ruiner of now-grown kids dreams aching for the fruition of a fondly remembered series. He can go."

"This is the perfect cover," said Lucas. "I travel with these (cough) 'storm troopers' and everyone thinks I'm promoting my movies. Little do they know that under the costume they are really chorus girls. It's perfect!"

Cue imperial theme music,

President Bush sent his new supreme court nominee to capital hill today with more than just words. In an effort to ensure that nothing derails this nomination, new handlers accompanied the nominee. When faced with any tough questions, the nominee would reply "these aren't the drones you are looking for" and the handlers would quickly move the questioner out of the room.

DRUDGEBREAKING: Queer Eye for the Imperial Storm Trooper claims a 25% longterm success rate. developing . . .

Lucas: "I'm not the director you are looking for."

Right Stormtrooper: "He's not the director we're looking for."

Lucas: "Go on your way."

Right Stormtrooper: "We should go on our way."

(First two Stormtroopers begin to leave)
Last Stormtrooper: Whips out his balster and mows them all down. "I always hated that part, it made us look like pansies."

Security at Skywalker Ranch.

Lucas felt he needed a little backup while announcing the new trilogy: The Jar Jar Years.

So Madonna can you point out your stalker in this line-up? Well it was dark but I think he is the one with the gun.

"Okay, Mr. Lucas, fine - I'm the bitch and he's the butch. Just ask us to read the vows, okay?"

* Never trust a man wearing a regimental tie with a tux.

* Oh goody-Another uranium P36 Explosive Space Modulator

* New show: It’s the Empire, Sailor Moon

* This space unintentionally left blank.

* And the score at the half, Deep Space 9, The Empire, 105

* So, you’re being haunted by Jedi Knights? Who ya gonna call?

* The party was a smashing success; They went through 20 cases of Adebran Brandy, and BBQ’d at least a cargo hold full of Ewok.

* You might be a Redneck Empire storm trouper if you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

* RRWARARRHHG!! No, Chewy, you’ve already HAD your picture on OTB, remember?

VOICE ON LOUDSPEAKER: "Execute Order 66!"
LUCAS: "Damnit anyway, Fitzgerald! I warned you not to indict Rove!"

The Emperors Clone is unveiled.

"Remove the corpse, RCX-0916 ... now, would anyone else like to criticize the quality of my screenplays?"

Winner of the Most Boring-Ass OTB Caption Contest Photo award.

"But Allah, where are the other 67 virgins?"

"Don't look now but here comes Jar Jar Binks with Big Bird (who probably has the bird flu)."

George Lucas is called in to help prep Supreme Court nominees for tough Senate Judiciary Committee questioning.