Tell me honestly, Alan. Ayn Rand had perky breasts, right?

The President's fingers fumbled as he couldn't believe his dumb luck: that he was pinning the Medal of Freedom on his childhood hero, Mr. Greenjeans.

If you don't turn your back to the cameras, this paper clip should do just fine. That's what I use on the borders too!

I got this medal from John Kerry on a bet in "04" Wear it with pride!

...and with a bit of luck you can have Paul Volker's job at the U.N. Oil for Food investigation.

Now, once again Alan, tell me how to balance my checkbook.

As soon as I get this pin out Alan, you can use it to break the housing bubble!

President Bush finally recognizes the achievments of the "Six Flags guy"

Honetsly, Alan... You're a MESS.... I can't take you ANYwhere, anymore.

Alan - "If Alito falls through, I'm available."

How does Andrea like the combover?

"....and so, as I was saying George, the best part of the job is that, someone actually pays me to count all that money supply.

So Al, is it a ribbon or a medal?

"You know Alan, in the west the leaves are turning in the mountains as the roots of the trees burrow deep into the warm earth. Say ... have you read Libby's The Apprentice?"

"I told you I would take it back if you quit...how the *#$%(#*)$ does this come apart??!!"

"Greenie, you did a heck of a job."

Greenspan - "I was hoping for the Nobel, Baby Bush."

Algernon assists Chauncey Gardener with his tie.

Greenspan: "Ohhhh yesss! Once those two Carolina cheerleader babes get a load of this, they'll be on me like mold on cheese!"

"Greenie, you're doing a heck of a job."

Speaking of all these White House leaks...sorry about the rug George.

Alan, I gotta know, are those manzierre thingies this hard to put on?

Now, if the economy has fallen and it can't get up, you just press the button on the pendant and it will lower interest rates by 0.5% automatically.

"Goll durn it Darth Fedius, won't ya teach me the dark side..."

Little did Greenspan know that he would sleep with the fishes that night, since Bush had spotted the wire Greenspan was wearing, and Bush was an expert with the garotte.

GGGGGggggggaaaacccckkkk ! You're Chokin' MMMMmmmmmeeeeeeee !

Get outta my face, punk!

Honestly Alan, I just cannot tell which side is uglier.

I think I can hide the "Made in China" label Alan with this ribbon...if I can just pin it....there it is!

* Alan is the Gold medalist in the Free-style Conclusion-Jumping Event.

* It gets better, folks. Alan just told me, he is the winner of the 2017 Psychic of the Year award! Isn't that great?

* Don Pardo, tell Alan what this week's prizes are.

* Ya know, ya coulda told me your Depends underwear was fastened to your collar BEFORE we got into this Alan.... thanks a pile!

* Personally, I'd have taken what was behind door number two, Alan.

* Forever after, financial scholars argued about the meaning of that dry smile on his face as he left the award cerimony.

* This is Bob. Bob's doing well... with a new swelling of pride.

Who knew that the pacemaker batteries were in the neck?

I would like to join Spinnicks and Rachel Edith in saying,

"Greenie, you did and you're doing a heck of a job."

Although throwback president outfits were recently banned, bling-bling is still optional on White House reception days.

Ironically, Greenspan was being honored not for his service as Fed Chairman, but for his work in helping the victims of autoerotic asphyxiation.

That's strange... feels like there's some sort of thin wire inside the grrk -- *thunk*

Unbeknownst to Greenspan, Bush tapes the ever-classic "Kick Me" sign to his back.

Greenspan channels Ali to frustrate George with a rope-a-dope strategy.

Thsnk you Alan for raising interest rates every quarter for the last three years. But then what would Andrea talk about if the economy were any stronger?

So tell me Alan, just between us, why do they call Andrea "Hot Lips?"

Now, how does this damn claspinator thing work?

Sniff, sniff. "Greenie, are you wearing Screw
Cologne?"