"...ever since the McCain anti-torture bill passed, we've had to resort to other methods of interrogation. Senators, let me explain to you how we force detainees to play Naked Twister..."

J.

The Department of Homeland Security has added another classification to the color-coded alert system: Plaid Poodle.

This new alert level will be used only when there is a credible, specific threat of some nimrod tie-dyeing their dog.

* How the tax code was devised; Incomes are shown on this pie chart, and the tax rates are shown on this dog chart.

Today, in an effort to promote better terror awareness to children, the Dept. of Homeland Security unvieled "Doodle, the Threat Alert Poodle".

* (First frame) This is your brain.
(Second frame) This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?

The U.S. government, acknowledging that the threat level is different throughout different areas of the country, have turned to creative means. The "Threat Poodle" shows that the current threat alert for Hawaii and U.S. territories as seen on the legs is yellow, red for the Northeast, and blue for flyover country.

The new liberal mascot whose name happens to be "Crayola" was chosen over 400 other non-human friends because she was felt to best represent the multicultural creed/

Mr. Johnson, a staunch republican demonstrates the liberal method of choosing the lie de jour.

Left Picture:
Tel Aviv Twister - "Yassin's right foot red, Rantisi's left hand yellow, Arafat's ass in Gaza, I believe it's still your turn PM Sharon."

Behold, the Terror-doodle

Technicolor dog sold separately.

Monsieur, monsieur, my need to poop is now at threat condition red!

"Senator, even your dog is a yellow-ass bitch. Literally."

The French announced the government's response to the riots today, showing off the new initiative's mascot. Fifi, the multicultural dog, is expected to quell the riots and bring France back to its rightful place as the beacon of all that is good in the world. Fifi will soon be touring the country, making people happy with a wag of her tail and extinguishing burning cars with a lift of her leg. Crtics who questioned the effectiveness of the campaign were dismissed as Anglo-Saxon malcontents who are so reprehensible as to have no place in the fair, enlightened and open multicultural France that Fifi represents.

Unfortunately for Philippe, the realization came much, much too late. Being a foreigner, there was no way he could have imagined the horror that awaited him: yet another round of that old Senate pasttime, "Screw the Pooch".

"We had three issues with this pie chart. There was no purple, we don't like green and the intelligence needed to be animated. As you can see, we have solved everything."

Although their effort at a Terrorist Detection System failed, the Department of Homeland Security has perfected the Gaydar system.

Left: "OK, so we're all agree then on Democratic Terrorist Threat Twister then?"

Right: 2006 Britannica latest definitions. "Snickerdoodle: Arianna Huffington's latest dog hairstyles."

As 'left-hand yellow' came up on the Twister spinner, everyone became uneasy that Ted Kennedy was about to injure someone.

****************************************************

Foo-foo was none-too-pleased as his 86 year-old owner, once again, washed her with a load of colored clothes.

Milton Bradley quickly recalled "Twister: The Poodle Edition!" when they realized the multi-colored floor mat was more durable.

"Okay, kids, listen closely. Your Grandmother and I have decided to do Thanksgiving dinner a little differently this year. So that we don't have any more fights over the drumsticks, everyone takes a spin of this spinner and then gets a hunk of Fifi over there that corresponds to their color. And no crying or you don't get any dessert!"

Naked twister, doggie style.

Sex education should be kept out of our schools.

"We have two international versions. The cultured. And the primitive. Now. Guess which is which in America."

DHS critics see color alert system heading for a tailspin.

* Mommmmmmmmm.... Fifi's been eating the crayons again......

* The funny part was that nobody even noticed Jauque's Grey roots

* (from the I used this last week dept:) SPOCK: Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?

* (Dog show announcer's voice) This breed, we're told was specificly bred for the purpose of chasing the chameleon.

* Sadly, after the advent of Color TV, nobody offered Jean-Luc a serious role again.

* Bozo the clown's early work in pet grooming was to say the least, awkward.

* Mooommmm... Fifi's been into the Skittles again.....

Boy that dog sure has colorful bark!

Pet store owner had to practically give away that dog -kept eating all his parrots!

Would you believe the dog's last owner was color blind?

Sen. Cornhusker from Nebraska shows off the new official crop circles for "06"

"Spectrum the famous dog" escaped from clown school six times in a row.

"Yellow, left hand, rear."

In televised hearings, Congressman Smoot lashed out at what he called "a new and depraved threat to the moral fiber of our great nation": Poodle Twister.

D'oh! FreakyBoy nabbed the Twister idea right before me. I swear I didn't see it.

... and so did Jay Tea. Arrgh...

Pierre the Threat Alert Poodle ultimately proved ineffective at fighting terrorism, leaving McGruff the Crime Dog stretched dangerously thin.

Okay, everybody and his brother did a Twister caption. I should read these things first...

The PC people felt Peace-pooch the dog was more representative of the world of color than Rudolph and have demanded Santa use him to lead the reindeer this ??????mas Eve.

* Well, that ends the arguments about dogs not being able to see color....

* The first attempt at the UBU production company. "Sit, Ubo, sit, GOOD DOG!"

* If you think THAT'S weird, you should see the Fire Hydrants around here.

* The quick brown fox had no idea what to do with this one.

* The dog of Doctor Johnny Fever

* The Dog food testing dog found some rather odd side efefcts from the latest batch