The effects of global warming on Santa were a sad sight to behold.

Santa Claus: "Sad?! A sad sight?! Stephen, you are such a freakin' liberal! Have you ever had to live in -120 degree weather 51 weeks and 6 days out of the year?! In fact, SUV's for everyone this year! HO! HO! HO!"

dammit.. steVen

"WHOA, Dancer, WHOA, Dasher, WHOA, Prancer and Blitzen! WHOA, Comet ...."

Santa's brief stint as an exibition water skier in the off season just didn't pan out.

Ho Ho Ouch ohhh

ESPN Presents the X-mas Games

While Santa continued to cut the wages of the Toy Making Elves and out-sourced more toy manufacturing to China every year, he never did f**k with the Sleigh Maintenance Guild again.

Weekend At Santa's

* Ah, that old "Slippery Slope" argument again.

* What passes for waterskiing at the North Pole

Why southerners will never understand northerners: You take a jolly old elf and drag him through ice cold water and consider that entertainment.

The "Carriage turns into a Pumpkin at Midnight" spell appears to have gone awry, crossing continents and mythos...

Santa was not satisified by the lack of speed to which FEMA organized his escape. Bushitler and Roveco would get no new toys this flooded year.

Ho Ho Holy Shcnike

Santa decided on alternate transportation for his deliveries to Hawaii.

“WHOA, Dancer, WHOA, Dasher, WHOA, Prancer and Blitzen! WHOA, Comet ….”

You win, Anderson.

Don't faint, okay? ;-)

Across the thick crick
A slick trick did St. Nick.
But it made him real sick
When he realized quite quick
That cold dick was not a good schtick.

In heaven's name why are you walking away
Hang on to your love
In heaven's name why do you play these games
Hang on to your love

I yelled to my reindeer
"Take the speed up a notch"
Then to the water I fell
exposing my crotch.
-Twas the Night Before the Night Before Christmas

The modern day Santa Claus, based from both the North and South Poles, provides further visual evidence that the Bi-Polar should not be allowed to fly.

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Right down Santa Claus Lane.

Vixen, Blitzen, all his reindeer
Pulling on the reins.

What a beautiful sight.
Jump in bed and cover up your head,
Because Santa Claus comes tonight.

Those fancy-pants elfs could equip me with a wetsuit, but could they of whipped up some skis at least? NOooooOOOooooo.

Tim Allen did not approve of this script change in Santa Clause 3.

Santa after falling off the sleigh: "Faster, Faster, their are gators in these waters!"

McG:

You win, Anderson.

Don’t faint, okay? ;-)

Sorry, I only win Supreme-Court-related captions. It's that "legal humor" class I took in law school.

* When the septic tank backed up into the yard, Chris felt he had to make the best of a bad situation.

* Painting; Santa Waterskis. Paint on Canvas, by I.C. Waters, 1972.

* The cause of death was not injuries due to waterskiing as originally thought. Police reported the Elf to have a Junglebell lodged in his throat.

* Oh, NO! The LIST!

* Whoa!! Santa is doing the forbidden dance!

* Santa finally got the elves to row faster

* Daddy! Santa missed and landed in the cesspool agin!!! Git the boat!!

* (Obligitory Trek:) Shaka, when the sewers backed up.

* (Extra Credit Trek:) Odo in disguise on Founder's Lake in the Annual Trek Christmas Show

* (Obligitory Python:) See the loveli lakes

Dec. 24, 2005: Santa's visit to New Orleans turned out to be a little more eventful than in past years.

As the infiltration went from bad to worse, Bond was now positive that Q-Branch were still pretty pissed at him...

Try as he might to improve his Holiday Q-rating, Santa just can't figure out the "walking on water" gig.

The elves hated it when Rudolph would get wasted on Red Bull and vodka...

"Well, so much for aftermarket sleigh hitches."

Ho ho, tis usually Mrs. Claus who is wet.

"A discovery today reveals the perpetrators of crop circle formations. Perhaps most amazing was the unexpected involvement of Santa Claus."

Santa was forced to investigate alternative means of transportation after PETA had his reindeer removed on animal cruelty concerns.

Snow damnit! I said I liked snow skiing! Aaaarrrggghhhhh!

Kris Kringle's Ski Katastrophe Kancels Kristmas Holiday Season

It's the prophecy!

Oooh, that's going to leave a snark.

Dang it! I should have known it when they said the lift tickets were only 20 bucks!

And today Santa, Humpty Dumpty and Mario Lemieux had their genes combined at the River Seine in Paris.

All captions aside, there has to be something seriously wrong with this picture. Look at the angle of the rope (is he being pulled by a plane?) and the fact that there isn't ripple one in the "water".

Ricky Martin gets some real Ay Ay Ay after showing up singing Ay Ay Ay, It's Christmas.