Hillaryyyyyyy...come on, calm down, you know I'm kidding. I kid, I'm a kidder. It's out of love.

"I Invented The Internet, Tree Hugging And Rodney Dill."

'So when Bill asked me to come into his office and check out what Monica was doing, I said Heyyy....'

"Ave Maria..."

* What am I doing in this tunnel, and what's that light?

* Al Gore reacts to the police presence.

* Temba, his hands raised

* Not even with BOTH hands AND a flashlight!

* See? No more DT's... steady as a rock

* OK, Al... raise your RIGHT hand.

* Al Gore wordlessly gives his answer to the terrorists

"I did not have sexual relations with... aw, hell, even THAT won't make me as cool as Bill..."

"It Took A Team Of Surgeons And A San Fransisco Bath House Towel Boy To Pull The 2000 Presidential Election Out Of My Ass, But I'm O.K."

"Now throw your hands in the air!
And wave 'em like you just don't care!
And if you're ready to rock with ALGORE and the Dems
Let me hear you say HELL YEAH!"

And thats when I walked up to Hillary and went...HONK, HONK.....After that is blurry

Well he helped invent the need for Rodney Dill, anyway.

Baby got back!

Thank you , Thank you, you know back when I was starring in March of the Penguins , I discovered that George Bush has place a secret heating machine at the south pole to furhter his destruction of the environment..

10 different recounts and we finally found the one that really elected me President.

If they like this mime in a shrinking box bit, they're gonna go nuts when I start walking against the wind!

--Hey, don't blame me. I didn't vote for him!

"I invented George Mason University. Go Patriots!"

Now hold on there - I know bush is an asshole and dumb as a box of rocks but I don't think we can impeach him for that. Now if someone were to give him a blow job that might do it. Unfortunately even laura won't do that.

No. Please. No. Please. Thank you, but no. I'm sorry, but the answer is no. I really, really do not plan on running for president again, so please no more...Okay, ask me one more time.

"There Are Ten Reasons Why I Wanted To Be President, But Unfortunately I Forgot To Write Them Down."

Is his the gesture you're referring to? I don't know because I'm not Italian...

1) Why yes I can assure you that the US Government would have NOOO problem with your Somolian Government-sponsored company taking control of our port management contracts. The Democratic party has ensured that people of your stature can do no wrong in America.

2) Why yes the gig is up, I do write Helen Thomas's questions for White House press briefings. How did you know?

"Howard Kaloogian's photo of a typical block in downtown Baghdad demonstrates the calm the MSM don't want you to see!"

Guests at the Annual MENSA Dinner were confounded after Al Gore explained he was saving energy whenever he discussed global warming by only using 10% of his brain power.

This little piggy went to market...this little piggy stayed home...

So then I told her: "Hold on, Tipper, you know I haven't been able to get it up since W stole the election."

"Awww, you shouldn't have...an honorary Oscar for best actor in a comedy!"

Al-Gore still can't do the Macarena!

�Howard Kaloogian�s photo of a typical block in downtown Baghdad demonstrates the calm the MSM don�t want you to see!�

You're kidding about this right? The photo was of a block in Istanbul. Kaloogian claims not to know how that happened. When pressed to show us a real photo of Baghdad the best he could come up with was a photo taken from an airplane window.

He is an R running to replace the Dukestir in CA, The Dukestir also an R as many of you remember is doing time for corruption and bribery.

So we have a liar running for the office formerly occupied by a convicted thief. Nice going repubs.

Uh, Jacob? It was my entry. The joke, you see, is that Kaloogian is presenting this photo of Al Gore at a lectern AS a picture of B - ah, maybe I should rephrase.

ENTRY: This picture of downtown Baghdad, taken by Howard Kaloogian, demonstrates the orderly calm the MSM doesn't want you to see!

Despite an earlier reluctance to do so, Al Gore finally clarifies what size lockbox he had been talking about.

â??If nominated, I will not run; if elected, I will not serve.â??

(ooops, wrong Dummocrat...that was LBJ.)

Yes, Yes, I will serve.

"Don't shoot! Don't shoot! ... Will this never end?"

A) He's got the whole world in His hands,
He's got the whole world in His hands ...
B) Hey, just let me say one word ..... diarrhea.
C) They told me to just show up, and open my mouth, and that people would laugh. And they were right (spelled conservative).
D) Hallelujah, can I have an amen brother?
E) The Dems push back and Osama surrenders!!!!! News at Ten.

Even the shadows of Al Gore's hands have had enough as they begin to reach for his throat...

Apparently, there are no controlling fashion authorities either.

"Kobe, I'm open!"

No, really. I'm Al Gore. Darrell Hammond always impersonates Bill, not me.

"I, for one, welcome our new Islamic overlords."

And then, suddenly, in mid-sentence, Al Gore became self-aware, and all of the nonsense he had been spouting for years flooded into his consciousness. He paused, walked off the stage and was never heard from again.

"Throughout most of my life, I raised tobacco, I want you to know that with my own hands, all of my life, I put it in the plant beds and transferred it. I've hoed it, I've dug in it, I've sprayed it, I've chopped it, I've shredded it, spiked it, put it in the barn and stripped it and sold it."

Al Gore, the Human Wrong, addresses the Human Rights Campaign in Los Angeles. (Reuters/Phil McCarten)

"I'm not wearing any pants. Film at 11."

After about five minutes, the crowd grew restless and began to wonder just how long Al Gore was going to stay in his "Han Solo frozen in carbonitee" pose.

In hindsight, it is clear that the second clue we had that Al Gore is a robot came when his polycarbonate synthetic skin began to wear out and light started to leak out from his fingertips.

"Karenna taught me this new dance move -- I'm razing the wall."

"Global warming? I'm chill to that tip Mack Daddy."

Comical Al says, "They are not in Baghdad. They are not in control of any airport. I tell you this. It is all a lie. They lie. It is a Hollywood movie. You do not believe them."

Comical Al says, "Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly."

Comical Al didn't have the same affection for Bush of whom he said: "He is a very stupid man. The American people are not stupid, they are very clever. I can't understand how such clever people came to elect such a stupid president."

I invented Brokeback

Hold it! Hold it! I really don't deserve this applause! Yet.

(singing)... "On the gooood ship.... Lollypop...."

"And you may ask yourself,
What is that beautiful Whitehouse?
And you may ask yourself,
Where does that Internet highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? ...am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself,
My god!...what have I done?"

"Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!"

What, Deepak Chopra wasn't available?

And then, like Daphne pursued by Apollo, Al Gore suddenly sprouted leaves and roots, though, admittedly, this was an almost daily occurrence for Al and was not cause by the divine intervention of Peneus.

Charles just can't say enough about Al Gore
(but he's trying)

;)

"Damn," thought Maggie, as the morning dawn pulled her from the depths of REM, "it was just another wet dream. She won't have Al-Gore to kick around any more: the DNC will never let him run in '08."

Al Gore begins his step-by-step demonstration of how to hug a tree.

Maaaammmmy...
how I love ya, how I love ya...

Algore practices his invisible wall mime schtick.

Rodney, Al is one of my favorite foils... or perhaps my muse just works in mysterious ways.

Former Vice President Al Gore reacting to Vice President Dick Cheney's hunting trip offer.

"It was good while it lasted but I am through inventing stuff."

The former Vice President tries to catch a clue.

A heroic Al Gore attempts to push the world a little farther from the sun.

As the former Veep started another one of his anti-Bush rants, Karl Rove's "Vast Right-Wing Ninja Geese of Death" crawl slowwwllly toward his neck.

I am running agaaaaain for President in 2008. This time I'll be on the Republican Ballot...Hah! April Fools. Ha, ha. I got you on that one.

And so I sez to Bill,

Did ya hear about the new radio station K-PMS ? 6 days a week it plays the Blues and on the 7th day it plays RAGTIME!

yuk yuk yuk

Sir, I said get your hands BEHIND your head and interlace your fingers!