Thank you Muhammad for agreeing to change my diaper. I am a happy, happy man.

When Arafat asked them to do the Hora, his advisers began to suspect the end was near.

Thank Allah they did not make me wear one of the American ORANGE JUMPSUITS.

Yasser Arafat came out today and announced that he has entered into a polygamous gay civil marriage with the Hasan brothers of Gaza. Yazz, as his spouses refer to him, said "We're going to sue to get our love legimized by the state. If Mohammad had at least 11 wives, why can't I have a harem, too?"

To the delight of everyone in attendance, Arafat delivers his yard gnome impression.

"Here Yasser, Here is your nice new 3 piece suit for your trip to Paris. The most important part is the fitting of the vest of course, heh, heh!"

Yassir..Yassir...Robert Fisk from the Independent...Sir, could you please put your hands on top of your head again like you did before and pretend you're a "dick"...My camerman missed it the first time.

Look John Kerry! Like my "bunny suit"? Only that it comes without a hood. Maybe I'll borrow yours when I come visit you in the White House.

Santa Arafat and his bomb making elves.

And when Yasser-Lou Who went to bed with his cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!

Palestinians celebrate the arrival of the new PLO leader following the sudden death of Yasser Arafat. In a sign of good will, biochemist brothers Abdul and Mohammad unveil the "mini-me" clone during Hanukkah.

Dear Bill,

Having an excellent time here in Palestine. Almost got killed by an Isreali missle, oopsie! See you soon.

Your truly,
The Roaming Gnome

Palestinian leaders show off the latest addition to Madame Tussauds Wax Museum.

Timmy. Tim-may. Ti-mmy. Timmmmmy. Timmy.

Woo Hoo! We fooled the Israelies. Paris, here we come.

when he dies. what?

It's Palestine's #1 comedy, "Weekend at Yasser's!" The Ramallah Star says, "It's an Intifada of laughter!" The West Bank Advertiser gives it "5 Jihads!" and raves, "If there's one movie you're going to see before you sacrifice yourself in a martyrdom operation against the Zionists, this is it!" Ariel Sharon says, "I hated it! And I eat puppies!" "Weekend at Yasser's" -- in theaters now!

Arafat greets a coalition of Eminems posse, who bestow him with the gift of a "Homey Hat". Sir Fat, as he is now known, has accepted an invitation to join the rapper on his next tour.

Who knew the president of the Palestinian Authority was really Fred Sanford? "I'm coming, Elizabeth! It's the big one!"

when he dies. what?

One less...
Terrorist to appease
One less...
Gnome to fry
One less explode-a-dope
To pick up after
You should be happy
But all you'll do
Is cry

Meanwhile the civilized world will dance and pass out candy.

"You know if the Israeli's bombed us right now (nervous laughter) we'd all be wiped out (nervous laughter) someone thought of that, right? ...... What's that descending whistling sound?"

Yasser Arafat never grew tired of the jokes his staff played on him with the Joy Buzzer.

DRUDGE BREAKING: Photographic evidence of Arafat wearing John Kerry's NASA clean suit conclusively proves the Senators collusion with the Palestinians.

YA: "I'm getting better!"

OG: "No you aren't. You'll be stone dead in a moment."

YA: "I feel happpyyy! I feel ... --oooof--"

OG: "Right. Here's your ninepence."

At a mall in the West Bank, Satan's Little Helper takes early Christmas wish lists from Palestinians before his trip to France.

At a mall in the West Bank, Mr. Abu Rudeineh (left) tells Satan's Little Helper that he'd like a healthy new son to replace the one he sent to explode in a Haifa restaurant last month.

An ailing but game Ringo Starr greets members of the Palestine chapter of the Beatles Fan Club.

I've got my pajamas, now where's my blog?

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

"Tag, you're it, Yasser."

Dear Mom. While in Paris I went with the boys to a sleep over and guess who ate the first turd...

not my caption, shamelessly ripped off from a email I received

"Weekend at Bernie's"

Mush Mush the elder is congratulated by friends and family after succesfully passing gas....

This isn't a caption entry...I'm just glad to see I'm not the only one who thought he looked like a garden gnome.

Hey Laura, tell your husband I could use some "wood".

Terresa: "Laura, can't we all just get along?"

"Hello Jerry"
"Hello Newman"

(In Unison)
"Did you get that outfit at K-Mart?"

Teresa: "Now that our husbands have gotten this far, don't you wish we'd been separated at birth???"

Laura Bush: "Wearing the same suit as the first lady is a federal crime Teresa..."

[TERESA] Helloooo, Clarissssse...

Laura: "Did you shave this morning?"

Laura: "Watch the hand, fatso!"

No, MINE is eggshell and YOURS is almond!

"I'm not really a wicked fairy. I'm just wicked." (Bonus points for spotting the pop culture reference.)

Rocky and Bullwinkle! Fractured Fairy Tales!
(oh, was I supposed to have a caption?)

Oh, you might be cheeky and sexy and all that, but you don't really think I am going to let you kiss me do you?

Tuh-RAY-suh: "How about you come back to my place and we can discuss some scumbags?

"No, Teresa, you can only wear the First Lady's clothes AFTER the inauguration. Give them back!"

"We got that endorsement for Doublemint that the Olsen twins passed up."

Laura Bush and Tuhrayza plan on how to kill their
dressers.

Both suits are nuanced and reflect each candidates's stand on the issues: Tuhrayza's placket covers her buttons, while Laura has nothing to hide with hers out. Tuhrayza's lapels are up, to show there is something to hide, Laura's are flat, down, and
show a pretty neckline.

THK: "Isn't it great we're showing unity by wearing matching $300 Dior suits?"

LB: "$300? I got this at Ross for $39.99!"

THK: "Bitch."

LB: "Guards! Seize the enemy combatant!"

Trust me... John loves to watch while I 'Shove It'... we call it the 'war for oil'...

"Isn't it amazing what a little oil and ketchup can help you buy?"

"I thought you said we'd 'latin dance' ... not 'lap dance' for goodness sake."

"Well, Teresa, amazingly one of the more pleasurable times was the evening the President and I had dinner with General Tommy Franks and the Joint Chiefs of Staff."
"Honey, the Senator introduced me to Colonel Angus, let me tell you about a pleasurable evening."

(/blatant SNL ripoff)

Teresa " I'm gonna bitch slap you right out of the white house "

Have you... umm, ever heard of Certs, Teresa.

Laura "I don't care what John told you, it does make your butt look fat"

Did I hear someone say "single white female"??

"Why, NO Theresa, I don't swing that way. I'm a conservative, remember?"

Laura: It's my daughters that are supposed to be twins.

Are you serious girlfriend? John can only get it up when you play tapes of Chirac speeches?

First Lady Laura Bush, startled by Teresa Heinz's enormous head, recoils as it continues to balloon right before her eyes.

Oh I know, ring around the collar can be such a "nuisance".

The winners of CMA's Best Hip-Hop Video award ham it up for the cameras.

Jack H should win. I also get the distinct feeling that Teresa does not shave. A very very hairy woman ...her husband may be Lerch, but this is Cousin IT !!

Teresa - "Who do you like in the Yankee/Red Sox AL Championship?

Laura - "Who's your daddy?"

"little girl, you will not get that pony."

Ooooo Teresa that feels nice....a little lower and to the left.

TK - "I'm not sure how to say this but suddenly Cheney's daughter seems to have the right idea."
LB - "I know. Dancing really turns me on. Can you lead?"

Laura : "My outfit on a moose. Amazing."

TK to LB -

"To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.

If you support the policies and character of John Kerry, please drive with your headlights 'ON' during the day.

If you support George W. Bush, please drive with your headlights 'OFF' at night."

I. Did not. Eat. Cheeseburgers. At that. Restaurant. McDonalds.

Nobody told me Kool-Aid is mostly sugar!!!!!!

Mr Gore, who failed as a politician, is attempting a second carreer... He's trying to make in in the field of acting. Here, Mr. Gore is trying out for the part of Atticus Finch, from "To Kill a Mockingbird".

Mr Gore has put on 40 lbs to play the role, but has somehow neglected that Atticus Finch wore glasses.

I BETRAYED THIS COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!

"You know, I invented McDonald's Cheeseburgers."

1. "Hey you! Waiter! Get that platter of donuts over here pronto!"

2. "I've put my credibility in a lockbox."

3. An exclusive still from the still-in-production movie "Moonbat", with Stephen Root in the role of Al Gore.

"Go ahead. Pull my finger."

"I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!"

Hey, where are you guys going with your television cameras I'm not done yet!

In the end Kirstie Alley gave up on the weight problem, became a man, and had a fairly successful career on the comedy circuit as an Al Gore impersonator.

It's the donuts, stupid.

I'm drunk, pissed off, and I have a gun!

Forget "Earth in the balance", I'm having trouble balancing myself.