"...and I did it, myyyyy Wayyyy."

"Riiiise! RIIIIIISE, my legions of the undead!"

"And in the NAME of the FATHER, and of the SON, I COMMAND the Gephardt campaign to be energized!"

...New York, New...

Wait, where are we?

"Friends, in order to EVICT The Forces of Eeeevil from the White House, our congregation must raise money. We are having a special love collection taken up for this reason. I must ask you to GIVE until it HURTS! The collection plates are being passed by our brothers from the Teamsters Union."

Years ago, I admit, I did grope some women, but I apologize if I offended anyone. Oh, come on - it worked for Arnold Schwartzenegger.

"I've got hands and a face.
My body's some other place.
If you see it, let me know.
To New Hampshire we must go.

Body come back.
Please come back.
Body come back.
Please come back."

Dick regretted saying he'd give his right hand. He now wished he'd offered his first born instead.

1) "Give me your tired, your poor, your unionized masses yearning for protectionism!"

2) After reading early entrance polling results: "I just want to tell everyone, F************************CK!"

"I ran once before for president in 1988, but I was no match for the irresistible charm and charisma of Michael Dukakis."*

* Idea stolen from David Letterman

Can I have an AMEN to farm subsidies?

Can I have an AMEN to protectionist legislation?

Can I have an AMEN to national health care?

I have seen the Lord Streisand and she has faxed me the pillars of our faith!!!

AMEN sisters! AMEN sisters! AMEN!

"On Daschle, on Kennedy, Carter and Clinton.
On McAuliffe, on Mike Moore, Carville and Streisand.
Through the Iowa caucus, TO THE TOP OF THE POLLS,
now dash away, dash away, dash away all."

"You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,
You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Now it's gone...gone...gone...wooooooh."

"You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,
You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Now it's gone...gone...gone...wooooooh."

Sorry, computer went haywire.
Of course, computer blames the operator.
You decide.

I left my dreams, in Central Iowa...

"Oh what a beautiful morning, oh, what a beautiful day. . . Ah, screw it."

"So long, farewell, auf weidersehn, goodnight...
I got..my ass...kicked in this little fight"

I hold here in my hand the secret to a Democratic victory in November. Of course, only the really smart people can see it. Can you see it?

Alas, poor Kuc'nich! I knew him, Lieberman: a fellow
of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.....

Forget the fat lady, I'll get it over with.

"Ba.de... ba.dee... ba.deee....
...............Thats all Folks!!!"

After the performance, Simon Cowles told Dick to go home and never leave the house again.

"Carpe Scrotum"

Wants the precious...needs the preeeeecious...the fat hobbittses gives Smeagol the precious now!

I seen so many things.
I ain't never seen before!
Don't know what it is.
I don't wanna see no more!

Mama told me not to come.
Mama told me not to come.
She said that ain't the way to have fun, son. That ain't the way to have fun, no.

"Where the s*** hits your eye like a big pizza pie. . . that's Iowaaaaa!"

The Iowa songfest continues.

Seems I've got to have a change of scene
'Cause ev'ry night I have the strangest dreams;
Imprisoned by the way it could have been,
Left here on my own or so it seems.
I've got to leave before I start to scream,
But someone locked the door and took the key.

You feelin' alright
I'm not feelin' too good myself.
Well, you feelin' alright
I'm not feelin' too good myself.

(with apologies to Joe Cocker)

Ooooooooooooooh... sweet mystery of life, at last I've found youuuuuu.... (Think "Young Frankenstien")

It was the Salmon Mousse.

"Mem'ries may be beautiful and yet.."

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd *

* acknowledgment to Elton John

"Feed me, feeeeeeeeeeeeeed meeee!"

Dick Gephardt annouced today that he is leaving politics and starting a new career as a Frank Sinatra impersonator.

"Leaving politics, yes, but I am now the new arbiter of good taste. And I say to you that Martha needs to either carry two black bags or two brown bags but never one of each."

"Now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain."