MAKING AMERICA SAFE
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James Joyner | Tuesday, December 16, 2003 |
U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld announced that today’s foreign policy speech by Democrat presidential candidate Howard Dean has made America “measurably safer.”“I get continual updates on the security status of our nation from the CIA, FBI and our own internal analysts,” said Mr. Rumsfeld. “This afternoon there was a measurable increase in safety within minutes after Mr. Dean began to deliver his speech.”
Experts attribute the jump in the so-called American Safety Index to “the soothing character of Howard Dean’s voice, combined with his deep understanding of global geopolitics and military affairs.”
“Even though Howard Dean is not yet the commander-in-chief,” said one unnamed expert. “The slightest hope that he might be one day just makes Americans feel safer.”
Mr. Rumsfeld praised Mr. Dean and noted that the speech came just in time.
“Other than catching Saddam, we really didn’t have any other plans for making America safer,” he said.
About the Author: James Joyner is the publisher of Outside the Beltway and the managing editor of the Atlantic Council. He's a former Army officer, Desert Storm vet, and college professor with a PhD in political science from The University of Alabama. He lives just outside the Beltway in Alexandria, Virginia with his wife and infant daughter.
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