INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower
and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed
undesirable programs such as NBL 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command:
I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget
to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed,
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5. But remember overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program
that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually
seize control of all your system resources.)
Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory
and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support.

Road rage in DC is no joke!

You think I'm joking, but I'm counting the minutes until some Dobsonite wacko seriously tries to connect these things.