The Importance of being Ernest

A brilliant play that makes fun of Ernest Hemingway's earnesty writing about bull fighting, (with some passing remarks about the war wound between his big toes).

The Bobbit - The story of a hafling's adventurous journey in search for something that was lost.

Fed Storm Rising

The story of a federal reserve chairman who sparks WWIII by raising U.S. interest rates to unheard of levels, ruining the economy and forcing the U.S. to invade Russia.

Into Thin Hair

Brilliantly researched history of the development of Rogaine.

Stupid While Men

Heartwarming story of transvestites who overcame their boorish, rowdy, right-wing behavior after gender reassignment surgery.

Dearth of a Salesman

The only mildly tragic story of one man's fruitless search for customer service after the sale.

Oedipus Tex

The story of one badass motherf***er in a 10 gallon hat.

The Taming of the Screw

If you don't know what this is about, you're too young to read it.

Catch 23

You can only have dinner if you're not hungry. But if you're not hungry, why do you want dinner, huh? Answer that! [everybody involved starves to death]

Prime and Punishment

A story of a borrower who thinks he's ubermensch, unbound by credit card APR schemes.

The Bungle

Book depicting the regretful mistakes of meat-packing immigrants in the late 19th. Century.

Office Spice

Lingerie Day beat Casual Fridays to hell when Kristie took over the company.

For a Few Dollars Mork

Robin Williams reprises his role as an alien bounty hunter in the 1870s Southwest.

We Weresoldiers

Lycanthropy epidemic strikes the US Army, changing haircut regulations immediately.

Tense and Sensibility
A sex manual for the thoroughly modern 18th-century man.

The Daves
Virginia Woolf's delicately nuanced look at a woman and her harem--all of whom she calls "David," to avoid confusion.

The Scarlet Better
In the sequel to Gone with the Wind, the protagonist is convicted of adultery, and has to use curtain-fabric to sew a letter on her clothing.

The Musk of Zorro

Antonio Banderas gets a little ripe under the mask after days in the saddle.

Shanghai Poon

Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson enter the steamy world of China's cathouses.

Yojumbo

A wandering Sumo Yokozuna turns a range war between two evil clans to his own advantage.

Moby-hick

An overweight boor tries to make himself the nemesis of a President with a crude and dishonest propaganda film.

Return of the Jebi

The political dynasty continues ...

The Unbearable Lightness of Bing

Kitty Kelly's latest coprography targets the late beloved entertainer Bing Crosby.

The Tight Stuff

7 men are chosen as the first American astronauts after passing the "underwear 3 sizes too small" test.

At-Law Shrugged

Ayn Rand's lesser known novel where all of the world's attourneys go on strike. Unfortunately, their plan fails when, instead of falling apart, society enters a new Golden Age.

Akira Kurosawa's Creams

A filmmaker's lifelong fight with eczema is documented.

Chicken Ran

Pixar Studios animates the Kurosawa samurai redux of Shakespeare's King Lear with hilarious results. Mel Gibson voices Lord Kachatorei.

BTW, do people get DQ's for not knowing the difference between a book and a movie? ;>

Stormy: Yeah, I'm not sure what's up with that.

Lord of the Fries
The dark heart of man is revealed in this sequel to Napolean Dynamite in which Napolean struggles with a group of like-aged youth to see who will be manager.

Return of the Ring

Frodo and Sam, having made it all the way to Mount Doom, decide the right thing to do is give the Ring of Power back to its rightful owner.

Hilarity (and not a little bloodshed) ensue.

The Grades of Wrath:

A family of left-wing college professors struggle to survive the Great Depression (that started when they realized Bush was going to be reelected).

Lord of the Lies
The Democrats are forced to choose a party leader, with Howard Dean as frontrunner.

Fellowship of the King
Aragorn proclaims himself king in the first book, and spreads his imperialist rule all over Middle-Earth. Sauron becomes the savior of Middle-Earth, or at least to the Democrats of Middle-Earth.

The Two Powers
The USSR and the USA start World War III in the 70s, as every country in the world aligns themselves to one power or the other. This sets up two "super states" that dominate world politics for years to come.

If short stories are allowed:

"Why I Love At The PO" - a frustrated Southern housewife escapes her daily drudgery of homemaking and childraising by having brief, torrid encounters with random postal clerks

"On The Nature Of Thongs" - an ancient Greek philosopher speculates on life, eternity, and what lies beneath those tunics

Ender's Fame - In a future world starved for entertainment, the brightest and ablest children are co-opted by the government to go to dance school to learn how to be entertainers. Ender Wiggin is a genius among geniuses, but will he live forever? And will he learn how to fly - HIGH?

Foundation and Umpire - Before the fall of the Galactic Empire, Hari Seldon used his science of psychohistory to make predictions about the future in order to decrease the years of the Dark Ages. Unfortunately, Seldon's science cannot predict the unique act of individuals, and the Foundation finds that Seldon's predictions have been thwarted by the Mule, the worst Umpire in the Galaxy. The success of the Foundation was predicated on placing large wagers on the outcomes of several key sporting events. Unfortunately, the Mule's poor calls changed the outcome of the games, placing the Foundation into severe gambling debts and forcing its leaders to flee Terminus to escape the Galactic Mafia. Will the Galaxy survive?

Stranger in a Strange Band

A mysterious newcomer joins a punkfolk ensemble.

Starship Hoopers

The story of a basketball team in outer space.

Found Nation

Hari Seldon finds a country independent of the Galactic Empire.

Jane Err

Jane Austen's autobiographical tale of making a mistake.

The Dorm Ouroborous.

E.R.R. Eddison's epic story of a never ending college education.

Jurassic Part

Scientists at the theme park revive Walt Disney's head. And boy is he pissed.

Jars

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to see Episode III.

Little Womyn

The unforgettable tale of four sisters living on a commune in 1967.

(I normally would say something about the books versus movies thing, but I teach 6th graders so I'm used to people that do not read or follow directions. So as to not confuse those poor souls, I picked books that were made into movies.)

Many apologies for the confusion.

Chairman Mao's Little Red Gook

Little known tale of the Chinese leader's midget Korean sidekick.

Sun Tsu's Art of Wax

Decorative candles of Ancient China

Atlas Drugged: The world's first such scandal finds the ancient Titan tasked with holding up the world, in trouble after failing a test for steroids.

These are getting good ...

Ok, this is two letters....but I couldn't pass it up.

Uma Theologica -- Amazing volume dedicated to the proliferation of the doctrines of Uma Thurman, including answers to some of life's greatest questions like "What exactly was in the briefcase?" and "Is it really wrong to kill......Bill?"

The Thomas Brown Affair - The story of Charlie's long lost brother.

Raving Private Ryan - A postmodern look at the Iraq War, featuring a young soldier who only joined the army for an education. We follow Ryan through the horror of an unjust war, and the subsequent loss of a potentially great mind. (Micheal Moore Productions)

The Wizard of Boz - The story of a college football player who takes a little talent and convinces the world he is the next superstar.

Caws - The horror of attacking crows. Sequel to the Birds.

RaveHeart - the travails of a extasy induced dancer competing against the intolerance of a US Senator.

Full Metal Racket - NY Mobsters take over the scrap metal business from a rival Family. Showtimes answer to the Sopranos.

The Inedibles - The story of a family of cows as they get stuck in a 1960s vegetarian compound. A hillarious romp of societal values run amock as the children of the hippies vainly attempt to hunt the cows with out their parents finding out. The true Boy meets burger story. Riveting...

Boy Story - A homosexual encounter with a spaceman leads to new vistas for a desolate cowboy. Not for the faint hearted. From the hottest studio in the country , Mixar.

Cool Hand Duke - The story of an unrepentant KKK member confronting a US Senator from West Virginia. David Dukes coming out party, in more ways than one.

Hit Girl Friday - The story of an oppresive workplace, and the rehabilitation of an abusive boss. Documentary is very popular in Women Studies Programs.

Call The Presidents Men - Barney Franks wins the presidency, and a geriatric romp ensues. NC-17

List from the top 250 movies of all time

http://imdb.com/chart/top

As I Lay Drying

Faulkner's rambling tale of a poor, rural, Southern towel.

The Adventures of Tom Lawyer

Tom and Huck try to help a runaway slave the real American way...through the courts!

The Andromeda Stain

Michael Crichton's classic reveals that no galaxy anywhere is immune to a president's improprieties...

The Koma Sutra

A big book of really interesting things to do to people while they're unconscious. (I know it's a stretch)

A THEMATIC COLLECTION:

A Loveable Feast - recipes from a brothel in Paris

Keep the Aspidistra Frying - recipes for when you're down and out in Paris and London

Dead Soups - recipes of pre-Soviet Russian serfdom

The Yoke - expatriated Czech recipes

The Kale of Genji - recipes from samurai Japan; reputedly the first cookbook ever writtten

Women in Clove - unadulterated English recipes

The Man Who Would Be Bing -- A British man finds himself in a remote Himalayan kingdom where he is mistaken for Matthew Perry.

The Cantebury Males -- Spring makes for longing to go on pilgrimages... to the brothel in Cantebury.

Left Me Hind -- The righteous are raptured, and Benny Hill's the Antichrist. A laugh riot!

City of Mod -- St. Augustine's theological classic of a Heaven filled with black-wearing, short-haired , Vespa-riding youth amped up on benzadrine.

The Green Milf -- Available at your local porn retailer.

Invisible Tan -- One man's Dante-esque journey through life that is an allegory for how whites perceive Caucasians.

One more:
Black Sundae -- A disgruntled Vietnam vet plots to get back at America by blowing up the Goodyear blimp over a Baskin-Robbins.

Lady Chatterly’s Dover
An invaluable travel companion.

The Old Man and the Pea
A new fable by Aesop, rediscovered in a remote Coptic monastery.

Love’s Labors Cost
Prostitution and venereal disease in 16th century England.

Hard Mimes
For those who have already mastered Miming for Dummies

The Canterbury Tapes
Solid evidence that the Church of England bugged cardinals during Vatican II

See also this link:
http://www.zigzackly.blogspot.com/2004_04_01_zigzackly_archive.html#108240688160505148

The Lion, the Bitch and the Wardrobe
Janet Jackson's halftime show goes horribly awry, ruining Detroit's first ever super bowl appearance.

The Federalist Drapers
A group of interior designers band together to form a more perfect union.

The Adventures of Huckle Barry Lynn
The director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State goes on a raft ride down the mississippi to search out 10 commandments posters in courthouses.

Ben and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
Ben Affleck tries to fix a motorcycle in hopes of getting back in J.Lo's good graces.

The Dell Jar
Poetry from people who tried to get customer service from Dell Computers, only to go insane.

Crip-tonomicon
Security experts try to figure out the arcane hand signs used by a bloody American gang.

Less Miserables
People leave France to find a better life, and find it.

Even Cowgirls Get the Clues
A political exposition of why John Kerry couldn't win in middle America.

Of COURSE short stories are allowwed.
What, after all, would "The Bobbit" be?

OK, I know this is two letters, but just for laughs:

Chicken Poop for the Soul: A collection of really petty stories, guranteed to make you feel down.

The Rob-It: The story of a wandering band of vertically challanged people who go bad... and go about the countryside disrespecting the individuality of the kind and gentle Goblin-Folk, as well as illegally confiscating the riches of Dragons. Word gets out amongst the oppressed Goblin folk and their spokesmen, the Wargs, and a pitched philisophical discussion ensues at the site of the Rob-it's biggest crime.

Reccomended for Adults only. (Violence, criminal Tobacco use, supernatural subjects.)

A Male of Two Cities
Metrosexual with a devoted wife in a NYC loft and a ravishing drag queen sharing a LA beach bungalow.

A Midsummer Night's Cream
Oil of Olay meets Ponds at the Clinique

King Bear:
An old grizzly, going insane, believes itself to be the king. You gonna tell him he's not?

Bunt for Red October:
The story of how a sacrifice bunt to move a runner to second put the Cinncinati Reds in the World Series.

Farenheit 4/11

Michael Moore exposes the truth about directory assistance.

Brave Sew World

"Patching, Darning, Mending" is the motto of this chilling world state where the government illuminati maintains an oblivious population. Here, babies are born in laboratories; from Alpha Sews, to Epsilon Stitchers, people are bred to fill the state's needs.

"To Bill a Mockingbird"

It was a dark and stormy night, and Scout found a mockingbird whose bill had been blown off by a near-miss lightening bolt. Atticus, employing his skill as a part-time ornithological surgeon, performed a bill transplat on the injured bird, using a bill donated from the chicken who served as lunch that day.

Of Mice and Ken - The true story of Dan Rather and the frequency.

Patriot Dames - The story behind the Washingtonienne

Ole Man and the Sea - An aging toreador retires to the Baja Coast and reflects upon all the bull he has seen.

The Modfather
A trio of youthful-looking mafiosi infiltrate a high school.

The Clan of the Rave Bear
Cro-Magnons and Neanderthals battle for survival in underground dance clubs.

Unsafe At Any Steed
Ralph Nader exposes the seamy, dangerous underside of the rodeo.

Poisson Pen
Kitty Kelly reveals the deep, dark secrets behind the cast of "Finding Nemo."

The Da Vinci Coed
A young college student shows up for a filming of "Girls Gone Wild" and finds herself in the middle of a centuries-old conspiracy that threatens the very existence of Christianity.

Sox
Madonna celebrates the Boston Red Sox' finally winning the world series by going to Beantown, getting a bunch of players together, getting naked, and... well, I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

The Joy Of Sox
The "Behind-the-scenes" story of Madonna's "Sox."

Sox and the Single Girl
Amid the hype surrounding Madonna's Sox, Guy Ritchie files for divorce. This is his story.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Sucrets
Lord Voldemort returns to threaten the students of Hogwarts, this time with a curse that strikes them all mute -- and unable to cast spells. Harry and his friends must find the long-lost, legendary supply of throat lozenges.

Uncle John's Bathroom Rearer
The story of one man's chance encounter with pop singer George Michael

The Stub
Tony Blake, the protagonist of Jackie Collins' The Stud, returns and attempts to find a new purpose in life after an ill-fated one-night stand with Lorena Bobbit.

The Princess Bribe
The inside story of just why Diana remained married to Charles as long as she did.

The Neverending Storm
Winter in New England -- one man's tale.

The Zion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
One tormented Jew's account of seeing Janet Jackson at the Superbowl

A Matter For Zen
Amidst an alien invasion, one man tries to find inner peace and enlightenment.

Patriot Dames
The hidden history of how women shaped the Revolutionary War.

Clear And Present Manger
The story of a lone Roman legionnaire commando and his mission: to assassinate the Messiah of the Jews while He is still an infant.

Executive Borders
A rebel CEO attempts to take his book store up against the evil monolith that is Barnes and Noble.

Red Store Rising
How Target came to challenge Wal-Mart.

The Book of Lisps
The exthauthtive collecthion of famouth people with thpeech impedimenth.

Man, 20 oughta be enough... thanks for the challenge, Professor!

J.

Fahrenheit 9/12 - The story of a fat asshole who tries to commit suicide by standing on the tracks before a speeding commuter train, which subsequently crashes into him, derails, and kills several dozen innocent citizens. Miraculously, the fat asshole survives, unscathed and blames the whole episode on President Bush.

Just for the record, Fahrenheit 9/11 was not a book. Save it for the movie contest!

(I've already called dibs on Fahrenheit 7/11!)

Heck, I knew it wasn't a book, but it was funny! Besides, I never win any of these things, anyway. If I can draw a reader or two to my blog, my ploy has served its purpose.

Mall of the Wild - a modern story of today's commercially motivated youth, centered on one boy's immersion into the previous unknown arena of plastic, cell phones, and scantily clad pre-teens.

Forrest GrumpThe story of a rich genius who sees only the worst in life.

Silas Darner - The story of Pippi Longstocking's best friend.

Forrest Grump The story of a rich genius who sees only the worst in life.

Very nice. Of course that calls for an excerpt from the book (or was this only a movie?)

Forrest Grump: "Life is like a box of chocolates, some pieces taste like crap."

Pigmalion - The story of the rise of Miss Piggy from a common farm animal to a Hollywood starlet.

Lord of the Lies - Michael Moore's autobiography

Snob White - A story about a socialite who holds her nose high when in the presence of her dwarfish inferiors.

Lord of the Lies – Michael Moore’s autobiography

Excellent, Why aren't you this funny in my caption contests. (just kidding)

Snob White - Could be the biography of Senator Robert Byrd

Mount Dracula: The secret love life of Buffy the Vampire Player

(No I didn't mean Dracula by Stoker, I googled a book called 'Count Dracula')

The Geat Gatsby by Bede

The Pound and the Fury by Susan Powter

Anne of Green Tables
The heartwarming story of a lively red-headed orphan adopted by the HGTV network to replace Paige Davis as host of "Trading Spaces."

Science of Fright - (by Immanuel Kan't) - An exegeses of "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" by Jonathan Edwards.

Tale of Two Tities [sic] - Explanation is not safe for work.

Last one from us???????

Science of Fright – (by Immanuel Kan’t) – An exegeses of “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” by Jonathan Edwards.

Even I don't understand everything that comes out of my co-blogger's head.

As You Bike It
The protagonist survives cancer and his babe is a famous chanteuse. Wonder who this is based on.

As You Bike It

The protagonist survives cancer and his babe is a famous chanteuse. Wonder who this is based on.

Or...

A guide to cycling trails in late 16th century England.

In the same vein.

King Leer

The story of a royal voyer.

Hamlet

An expose of small portions in meals in the Danish the bed and breakfast industry. (So I didn't change the spelling, suffer. :p)

Mac Bet

The seamy side of speculation in Apple Computers.

Move Labors Lost

Why you should never hire cut-rate movers.

A Midsummer's Night Scream

What happened when Oberon found Titania with Bottom.

Tight Ass Androgonyne

Shakespeare's bloody tale of a metrosexual with control issues. (Hey, somebody's gotta blatently violate the rules in contests like this. Now you don't have to. :) )

Giles Boat Boy What would the Dean O'Flunks say to a tugboat?

Mess of the d'Urbervilles The Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout of the 19th century.

Zit -acne scars bring a bunch of Mainers back to their hometown to confront the giant pimple that haunts them

Head Zone- man has the power to see future fellatio.

blank for Rummies huge series featuring all kinds of practical advice for alcoholics.

The Cunt of Monte Cristo She'll get her revenge, don't you worry.

Apparently, one of my comments got deleted (?).

Test of the D'Urbervilles -- C-

The Four Roves -- In which CS Lewis outlines why Karl Rove is God.

The Crying of ROT-49 -- She wants to buy an acre of land, but someone keeps scrambling the paperwork with some non-standard code.

Shotgun

Stranded Englishman knocks up his Japanese interpreter and is forced to marry her.

Nuclear North Korea: A Debate on Enragement Strategies

Sure, get us to use them up...then we will be defenseless!

Lovely Planet Korea

It's a workers' paradise!

Amor in Korea: A Pictorial History

A French photojournalist meets handsome north Korean officer. Romance/socialist fellowship ensues.

Pace Kills

An aging P.J.O'Rourke struggles with his new exercise regimen.

Hire in the Sky

The amazing story of an Arizona man's encounter with space aliens come to work as illegal aliens.

Less Miserables

Victor Hugo's utopian vision.

Watership Dowd

The election results reduce a liberal columnist to a frightened rabbit.

Go Yell It On the Mountain
The story of a young man fulfilling his life's dream of becoming a yodeler.

A Farewell to Alms
The story of a young woman who gets off the dole and becomes a rich enterpreneur.

A Good Pan is Hard to Find
A tinker goes off in search of the perfect pan.

Slaughterhouse-Fine
A slaughterhouse tries to evade USDA regulations, with predictable results.

The Tire Machine
The life story of a man who worked his whole life on one machine at a tire factory.

One Hundred Tears of Solitude
A young boy is banished to his room for a transgression and has a good cry.

The Ascent of Dan
The thrilling story of a climb to the top of Mt. Everest.

(Ok... I'm having trouble stopping...)

Valley of the Dills : Rodney and family move to the country - and tell us all about it.

The Common Sense Bork of Baby and Child Care : Judge Robert reveals all about judicious rearing.

Bleak Mouse : The sad tail of living under the finger and thumb of Walt Disney.

The Norse Whisperer : An atypical Scandinavian with laryngitis comes to town.

The Fridges of Madison County : A complete illustrated guide to food storage in rural Iowa.

1. The Bum of All Fears

Anal retention for the paranoid among us.

2. It Takes A Pillage

Sen. Clinton's renewed belief in tough diplomacy and foreign wars.

3. Men Are From Bars Women Are From Venus

A para-psychological treatise on the optical illusions created by excessive ingestion of alcohol.

THE GREAT GUTSBY

THE POP-UP BOOK OF MICHAEL MOORE

a] Animal Fart

The truth behind the cause of The Highland Clearances

b] A Handful of Lust

A sophisticated man's guide to onanism.

c] Jizz

A jerk's guide to onanism.

I have another one...

The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Pest

Tom Wolfe follows an aging hippie.

A Dill's House [from the play]

The follow-up to Valley of the Dills

The Satanic Verges : the no-punches-pulled autobiography of a lawn specialist at The Vatican.

Tee Bible - the complete guide to golf pegs.

A Dill’s House [from the play]
The follow-up to Valley of the Dills

Sounds like some excellent reads to me McTrip

With a name like mine, there is only one choice:

Grime and Punishment

After a life spent on her knees scrubbing tile scum, Martha Stewart becomes quick on her feet while in prison

The Drapes of Wrath - a family of curtain makers sets out on a cross country drapery adventure.

The Cuckoo's Ego - actually, this might not end up much different....

Leopold,

I'm glad you're judging this one and I'm not.

Valley of the Dolts. Steamy tale of Wonkette, Washingtonienne, & Oliver Willis, 3 blogger babes who claw their way to the top, only to find they've reached the bottom

The Picture of Dorian Gay

Dorian walks into Basil Hallwards home, see's his picture, declares that it's fabulous. Then Dorian decorates the rest of the house and gives Basil a make over

The Uncanny Ex-Men.

Superheroes who save the world but face discrimination because their genetic make-up is different from "normal humans."

(Wait, that's not too different after all.)

The Count of Monte Crisco: The life history of an aging musketeer who outs himself and the 'love which has no name.'

The Robbit: Story of a small man who steals a small ring and starts a chain of events.

The Fellowship of the Thing: In which the small people find they are related to Gollum

The Too Towers: Merry and Pippin's Big Adventure

The Return of the Thing: In which it is discovered that Gollum didn't die in Mt. Doom

The Louse at Pooh Corner: heartrending tale of
lice on stuffed animals and how they get rid of them.

The Canterbury Sales: Sordid doings of the pilgrim souvenir saintly relics industry

Julius Cheasar: Chance for Marlon Brando to give
silly oration about his fitness for rule in ancient Rome.

The Eniad: The Church Lady's autobiography

The Lible: The atheist movement's attempts to deny the existence of God

Totes from the Underground

An exciting picture book chronicling the contradictory nature of handbag development and distribution throughout the Russian civil service.

OLD KELLER
A deaf, mute, blind girl gets rabies and has to be shot.

BABETTE'S YEAST
While battling an infection of a personal nature, a French woman prepares an unforgetable meal for a repressed community.

Wife of Pi - The true story of what the Mrs. thought of about the Mr. trapped on a lifeboat with an enormous tiger

The Lovely Tones - The story of Susie's grieving family and friends who join together and create a soul combo

Clockfork Orange - a thoughtful exploration of the meaning of free will and the conflict between good carbs and and evil carbs

Confessions of a Chopaholic - The tormented days of a Costco free-sampler who carries her own chopsticks

Muddlemarch
Dorothea's too busy trying to save a languishing charity hospital to have much time for love, until Celia comes up with a brilliant scheme to help her sister find money and a husband both! The walk-a-thon may save the the hospital, but will it help Dorothea find true love?

Northanger Abyss
If you stare too long at The Mystery of Udolpho, it begins to stare back...

The Wives of Henry VII
Just died.

King Solomon's Manes
Three adventurers traverse the desert searching for a legendary treasure, but find only a pile of rotting lion pelts

Car of the Worlds
Who'da thunk SUVs originated on Mars?

Castle Rackrunt
Torquemada's story, as told by his faithful, albeit short, valet.

Lord Kim
A man loses his self-respect when he abandons passengers on a sinking ship, but he redeems himself by searching for a sacred river and becoming a British spy.

Heart of Dorkness
Pathos and high adventure reign supreme as we explore the wild world of actuarial conferences.

Things Fall Apert
Revolutionary advances in plastic surgery make it harder and harder to tell if those are real.

The Lust of the Mohicans
If Uncas had just waited for everybody else to catch up...

Greet Expectations
Job description pamphlet for Wal-Mart employees.

The Tern of the Screw
Strange bird-like engravings on a bolt hold the key to the mystery of why anyone would ever hire again a governess whose previous charge died in her care for no apparent reason.

Withering Heights
Catherine's interest in Heathcliff never quite recovered from their attempt to combine rock climbing with hot monkey sex.

Uncle Tom's Carbine
Simon Legree is goin' down