The Aight Dawg Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Pool/Itar-Tass

The Winners

First: McGehee – “Hey Vlad—nice ass!”
“Thanks, Jacques. I’ve been hitting the gym.”

Second: OJ – Clouseau: Does yer dewg bite?

Third: lawhawk – Hey, did you catch Condi in those boots? GRWWWW!

Honorable Mention:

Brian J. – It’s an American joke George Bush told me: Pull my thumb.

Laurence Simon – “Try to guess where my other thumb is, Vladimir.”

Maniakes – “As a matter of fact, Vlad, I HAVE always wanted to have a threesome with two world leaders. Is Jacques up for it?”

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“What happens in Red Square, Stays in Red Square.”

The genre was deemed to have gone to far, when with X-MEN XIII– Feigned-Interest Man,Taken-aback Girl, and Stinkfinger made their debut on the Super Hero scene.

The Thursday contest has already started.

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The Kurt and Rod Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AFP/Timothy A. Clary)

The Winners

First: Rachel Edith – “Liked the line, shape, form, value, space, color and texture. And rather liked the bulge.”

Second: John Burgess – “Never a cop around when you need one? Keep a spare or two and be confident!” FOP ad in the AARP Journal.

Third: The Man – The introduction of the TV show COPS on the Sundance Channel was met with mixed reviews.

Honorable Mention:

McGehee – “I may not know much about art, but I know what I like. And I don’t like this.”

Jufray – dat RODNEY KING be one bad ass artiste.

Maniakes – Protect a little old lady? We can do that standing on our heads!

The Man РYeah this shift sucks, but at least we don̢۪t work at Newsweek.

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“Phhht … Pamela Anderson, nothing, I’ve got bigger boobs than her. They’re hanging over there on the wall.”

What do you call two cops hanging on the wall, usually by a window? (you figure it out)

The Monday contest has already started.

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The …But We Invented it First Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AP Photo/Amr Nabil)

The Winners

First: The Man – One of these two is a relic of a failed system, the other is missing a nose.

Second: Hermoine – “I broke it off, but … as you can see I have raised my right hand and I will give the Scout’s Honor or recite the Pledge of Allegiance (sans the ‘under God’ part) or slap myself in the face … whatever … just don’t make me go back to Crawford, Texas again.”

Third: Brandon Jaynes – I broke it off, but since I’m not the leader of a democracy, I don’t have to answer to you!

Honorable Mention:

Brian J. – “Ooh, ooh, I know! Man! For he crawls on all fours as a child, walks upright as an adult, and then uses a cane in old age,” Putin answered, oddly enough, on Mother’s Day.

John – All Hail King PUT!!

Kenny – Vlad couldn’t qualify at home, so he searched out abroad before finally landing an appearance on Egyptian Idol.

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“OK, I broke it off, but more importantly, I saved $187.00 with GEICO.”

woo hoo – woo hoo hoo
woo hoo – woo hoo hoo
woo hoo – woo hoo
woo hoo – woo hoo hoo

“I didn’t break it off, but I saw that Rodney Dill did.”

The (much harder) Monday contest has already started.

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The Tons of Fun Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

A lot of funny entries for this one.

(Associated Press)

The Winners

First: Jufray – “SIMON COWELL luv me long time.”
Developing . . .

Second: Joe R. the Unabrewer – Thailand attempts to eliminate its status as a sex tourist destination; renames capital Paonkeik.

Third: Bithead – Oh, no… she’s gonna SING

Honorable Mention:

Alex Knapp РSee what happens when you start opening McDonald̢۪s in Asia?

Dodd – Ratings for CBS’ twelfth annual “A Very Special Bill Clinton Birthday Party” were lower than in previous years.

The Man – Next on Fox: Who Wants to Marry Michael Moore

Hodink – It was the upcoming lap dance segment that terrified Dan.

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

Movie Remake Hell
The movie TRON remade as JUMBOTRON

Miss ComonIwannalaya, who eventually won the Miss Volcano pageant, had this bio. “I’m hot, steamy, and ready to blow at any minute.” (these ARE labeled “bottom of the barrel” for a reason)

Several years, and a number of pounds, later Lyndie went on to star in, Abu Ghraib, the musical.

The Monday contest has already started.

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The Pull My Tail Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(Associated Press)

The Winners

First: Laurence Simon – “I don’t care if he sold us a BILLION barrels of oil a day. The man grabbed my hand and kissed me, dammit.”

Second: Jay Tea – “Plant that tree faster, dammit! I don’t know how much longer I can hold it!”

Third: Sgt Fluffy – I’ll tell ya he’s small, but damn! he craps like a horse!

Honorable Mention:

McGehee – “We’re gonna need more pooper scoopers. And Barney, no more eating all of Helen Thomas’ bran muffins. Bad dog!”

Jay Tea – “…and here is where we found Helen Thomas after Barney tried to bury her. It’s not his fault—she really does look and smell dead to a dog.”

Steven L. – “. . . and so we put it here, next to John Kerry’s presidential hopes.”

Best Monty Python Ripoff

Maniakes
“I just spend four hours burying the dog.”
“Four hours to bury a dog?!”
“Well, he wouldn’t keep still. He kept wriggling about, howling.”
“He’s not dead then.”
“Yes, but he’s not at all a well dog, and since I’m going to be away for a week I thought I better bury him just to be on the safe side.”
“Oh, yes. Don’t want to come home from a summit meeting to a dead dog.”

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“What’s wrong with you Secret Service guys, you don’t know how to use a shovel? you keep burying Barney, but he keeps digging his way back out.”

“…and whenever I leave a big mess on his carpet, he rubs my nose in it.

“Hmmm, this reporter has been interviewing terrorists, I smell lamb shwarma on the mike.”

George: “Gentlemen, our energy crisis is over. It was Barney right there that discovered oil under the White House.”

The Thursday contest has already started.

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The Diogenes Denied Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – Reuters

The Winners

First: Brandon Jaynes – “Sure, you can have a drink, but I’M driving!”

Second: Steven L – “Damn. I asked for the BIG bottle.”

Third: Alex Knapp – …a strange sensation filled Kennedy, one that he hadn’t felt in years. Sobriety. Thank god that dude bought alcohol, he thought…

Honorable Mention:

Leelu – “Maybe I should try some of that Dioxin to clear up my face.”

McGehee – “I can usually stretch this much Clearasil to last two or three weeks.”

Sgt Fluffy – Congratulations! In addition to your award, you also win this life size replica of a prehistoric Dinosaur!

Hodink – “Nuff niceties already. Gimme that.”
Carolyn – “Hush.”

The Courage award resemblance to a liquor bottle, chance or design?

Michael – Not a caption, but I swear to GOD he’s looking at that bottle like my dog looks at the steak I’m eating.

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

Yushchenko: “Everyone needs to believe in something.”
Kennedy: “I believe I’ll have another drink.”

Diogenes see’s there’s nothing of interest here and decides to move along.

“Don’t shake, I got your courage right here Teddy.”

“Its supposed to represent concentrated courage, but don’t drink it, we just bottled Dan Rather.”

Teddy: “Boy You look like crap.”
Viktor: “Dioxin will do that, what’s your excuse”

The Monday contest has already started.

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The “Just Call me Dick” Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

This was either a more challenging contest or a less inspirational contest

Ananova

The Winners

First: John Burgess – “I don’t know how I got talked into pollinating the freaking lotus again!”

Second: Donald Sensing – What the? According to Mapquest I should be at the giant Buddha now! Man, I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuequerque!

Third: Hodink – “My stick is bigger than your stick.”

Honorable Mention:

Alex Knapp – Best visual metaphor for relationships ever.

Alan Kellogg – You’d better be real good, little man.

Kenny – “I can’t believe I drew Q-tip duty again.”

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“Just call me ‘Tex,’ Ma’am, you can drop the ‘Ko’ part.”

Armen knew by the time he reached his target he would be the appropriate size, after all, he HAD taken Viagra, and he WAS a lawyer.

The Thursday contest has already started.

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The That’ll Leave a Mark Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Photo: Denis Sinyakov/AFP/Getty Images

The Winners

First: Crerar – That’s a nice trick seargent Baalzadropov – but what did you do with the pylon?

Second: Laurence Simon – They haven’t yet built the combat robot that can do this

Third: Oski – While normally viewed as an asset in arid climates, Pvt. Splitovski a.k.a. the human divining rod, embarrassed his fellow troops when they marched on the rain soaked parade grounds.

Honorable Mention:

Timmer – The kids from Chernobyl strut their stuff.

Scott P – Soldiers watch a demonstration of the latest Field Medical Directive: How to alleviate “Soldier’s Itch.”

Cassandra – Despite intense mentoring, Private Pushkin continued to demonstrate considerable confusion as to the meaning of the term “balls-to-the-wall”.

LJD – Russians prove the viability of gays in the military: In an effort to save his comrades, Ivan drops on a grenade. . .

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“Oh by the way, the commissary is stocked with toilet paper again.”

The Russian Military Chorus never looked forward to a Head-of-State visit from the U.S.A. as special preparations were needed to hit the high notes during the obligatory singing of the Star Spangled Banner.

The Monday contest has already started.

UPDATE: Wizbang has announced their winner for the same picture. (I picked the Thursday-Monday, Monday-Thursday cycle for a reason). Villainous Company still has a contest with the same picture open.

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The Matzoh Western Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

I would’ve sworn when I started this contest that some reference to a Clint Eastwood western would’ve taken first, until I started reading the entries . . .

(AFP/David Furst)

The Winners

First: Brandon Jaynes – It’s been 40 years; do you know where the hell you’re leading us, or are you just wandering around?

Second: Cyberludite – “Say, Saul, why are we the only ones following this Roadmap to Peace?”

Third: Norm Emerson – “Land of Milk and Honey”? . . . “We really have to re-think our intelligence gathering system”!!

Honorable Mention:

David Harris – The “Hassidic Minutemen” head off for their morning patrol.

Laurence Simon – “With the blowing of the shofar, the graveyard shift at the quarry crawls out of the Matzoh Mines.”

Alex Knapp – “Dude, I thought you told me there were going to be some shiskas. This is a total sausage fest!”

TeaFizz – “Dude, where’s my car?”

Busby Bixley – Which Way To Mecca

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

Two Matzoh for Sister Sara

A Fist Full of Matzoh

For a Few Matzoh More

It was later determined that the Matzoh Western genre would’ve become nearly as popular as the old spaghetti westerns if the producers
hadn’t chosen to pass off Hebrew as Speaking Indian
“Ma Nishma?”
“Hakol B’seder”

The imposter had nearly won the 23Rd annual Jewish spelling bee, until that final, fateful word.
“OK, now the word to spell is Shibboleth”

“Dude, Where’s my promised land?”

The new Village People perform their rendition of Matzoh man

“I must follow the people, am I not their leader” – Benjamin Disraeli

The Thursday contest has already started.

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The Texas Standoff Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

here’s the way I see it.

(AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

The Winners

First: Silicon Valley Jim РThese French fellas are takin̢۪ a while to get the hang of rock-paper-scissors.

Second: wavemaker – Principals of The New World Order re-enact Michaelangelo’s “Creation of Adam.”

Third: John Henke – “This Intelligence stuff is easy”, Bush thought, “just pull Chirac’s finger, and I can finally find out what happened to Saddams biological weapons. How could it possibly go wrong?” And yet, it did go wrong.
On the bright side, however, Jacque Chirac won 20 Euros off every other member of the EU.

Honorable Mention:

Loon – It was at that precise moment that the president realised that neither of them had any notion of how a light sabre should be operated.

Laurence Simon – In Europe, they call it “Push my finger.”

The Man РI̢۪m With Stupid

Crerar – Which one of you boys wants to commit troops to Iraq?

The Monday contest has already started.

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“Draw, OK, Chirac you won two out of three, You’re the fastest wienie in the west.”

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The No Sympathy for the Devil Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

A lot of good entries, but here’s the way I see it.

(Eric Draper, The White House/Reuters)

The Winners

First: Laurence Simon – Don’t do what they did in Florida in 2000 with that butterfly ballot staggered list thing. Line up both sides of the ballot evenly and you won’t be waiting two months to get the next pope in office.

Second: Gary and the Samoyeds – So then the Popemobile tries to cut over to pass on the right, but I had my driver cut him off.

Third: Crerar – I swear to God – that bishop over there deliberately bumped me from behind like this.

Honorable Mention:

Rachel Edith – “So, I am trying hard not to appear anxious or interested but I think these qualifications I’ve set out here leave you no choice but to vote for me in the upcoming conclave.”

Anderson – Okay, so my left hand is the altar boy, and my right hand is the priest … now, say again what happens next?

Confederate Yankee – So even though you guys wear those little beanies, you aren’t Jewish? How’s that again?

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

Swapping tales of dogfights and fighting evil in general.

“… and you say I’ll get to wear one of those spiffy beanies if I sign up?”

“Are you really sure its OK for us to be discussin’ animal husbandry?”

“And now your $10 has disappeared. . ., say this may help the US economy, how many of you fella’s did you say there was.”

“That church music is pretty good, but I like Marilyn Manson myself.”

The Thursday contest has already started.

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The Head for the Border Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The Winners:

(AFP/File/Hector Mata)

First: Patrick Carver – CAUTION: Silhouette Crossing

Second: Brandon Jaynes – The newest solution coming from the Minuteman project reminds drivers to use caution when aiming for families of illegals, because they can sometimes run really fast.

Third: TeaFizz – Next, on Family Fear Factor: The highway-crossing competition!

Honorable Mention:

Laurence Simon – “Reinforce Your Front Bumper And Floor It”

Maggie – Prosecuters are considering posting a sign like this one outside Neverland.

Kenny – Everyone scatter! Here comes Rather. And he’s got documents!

The Monday contest has already started.

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

Eventually the only sanction against Michael Jackson was the placement of this sign at the entrance to NeverLand Ranch.

Caution: Liberals escaping to Canada

I spy something that starts with an “M”

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The Insane Clown Posse Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Goran Tomasevic

The Winners

First: Eric – There’s a reason kids are scared of clowns

Second: The Dread Pundit Bluto – Ahmed came to regret telling Mahmoud that he would “do anything Allah wills” to help finance the Jihad.

Third: Elisson – Mahmoud Abbas announced today that Hamas and the Al-Aqsa Martyr’s Brigades have accepted the conditions laid down by the Palestinian Authority for a “kinder, gentler Intifada. . .with clowns!” Details on the planned Palestinian Petting Zoo are also expected to be released shortly.

Honorable Mention:

Laurence Simon – “No Syrian Intelligence Agents here, little Lebanese boy. Just clowns. Happy, heavily-armed clowns ready to martyr themselves for Allah.”

Literally Retarded – In a single moment, Sally determined to run for Congress.

Brandon Jaynes – The new NRA marketing plan, targeting the 3-8 age group, has been a huge success.

The Monday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

Who you calling a Bozo, Kid?

Clown: “Squeeze my red clown nose.”
Girl: “But that’s not your nose.”

Guns don’t kill people, Clowns kill people.

AP BREAKING – In late breaking news today, the World Clown Hall of Fame concluded that Emmett Kelly is no longer the world’s saddest clown.

“Yea, I’m ‘fraid of clowns, but I’m more ‘fraid of Santa, he carries an RPG Launcher.”

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The RumScout Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(DoD photo by Tech. Sgt. Cherie A. Thurlby, U.S. Air Force.)

The Winners

First: Donald Sensing РWhat̢۪s the difference between Congress and the Cub Scouts? The Scouts have adult leadership.

Second: Kenny – “You go to war with the scouts you have … say … some journalist didn’t put you up to asking that question did they young feller?”

Third: Laurence Simon – Relax, kids. I’ve only got animal porn on my computer.

Honorable Mention:

Maggie – Nothing makes my day more than seeing MEN IN UNIFORM!

RKrak – Where are the hookers you promised?

LJD – Rumsfelt issues biological weapons alert after cub scout farts at press conference.

The Monday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“what Troop are you with?”

“Don’t you have to be a priest to do that?”

“You’re only here ’cause we couldn’t get Michael Jackson.”

“My dad can beat up your dad.”

“I love the smell of Mosquito Repellent in the morning, it smells like victory.”

“Sock-o Mock-o?”

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The Bushrat Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The Winners

First: Rodney Dill – President Bush pondered why all the photographers seemed to want to set up in the same spot for the Dan Rather retirement dinner.

Second: Rodney Dill – Edmund was disappointed that he couldn’t also fit the word fink into the picture

Third: Rodney Dill – Redneck Association of Texas

The Thursday contest has already started.

Pictures of Donald Rumsfeld being dismembered under the fold

…And the Real Winners are …

The #@%$*%@ I Broke a Nail Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

CHINA OUT REUTERS/China Newsphoto

The Winners

First: Maggie – Discussion was fast and furious at the ASL convention held in Atlantic City earlier this week. and
Desperate Democrats have come up with a new solution to “show of hands” votes in the Congress.
(Fortunately there are enough fingers to keep track of Maggie’s entries)

Second: bithead – The photographer’s cover picture for the classic book “A Farewell to Arms” didn’t quite meet the publisher’s expectations.

Third:(tie) McGehee – What is the sound of 40 hands clapping?
Third:(tie) MHKing – Meet Lady Speed Stick’s number one customer. . .

Honorable Mention:

Maniakes РThe New York Yankees have announced their starting pitcher for the opening game of the season. In a surprise move, they̢۪re going with the 28 year old 40-hander. . .

Myopist – “And this is Agent Kanya, 007. As you might have guessed, hand-to-hand combat is one of her specialities. . .”

yetanotherjohn – “oooh! oooh! Pick me! Teacher, Pick me!”

Joyse – May I have a show of hands please? Do we or don’t we have nuclear arms?

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“Whaddya mean it makes my palms grow hair?”

AP BREAKING – Former President Bill Clinton is coming out with a new line of furniture. The chair pictured here is called “The Intern.”

Palm Sunday

The eye’s have it

The Detroit Lions try out a receiver they feel can’t possibly drop the football.

Kim Jong-Il makes provisions against the disarming of North Korea

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The Yoda Man Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AP Photo/Aaron Favila)

The Winners

First: Alan Kellogg – You could warm up the probe

Second: Steven Taylor – After several years out of the limelight, Ross Perot returns to the public stage.

Third: Laurence Simon – You’ve got your Easter Bunny, we’ve got our Purim Tarsier. Now shut up and go have fun painting Matzoh balls.

Honorable Mention:

Matt – Reveal Your Inner Oliver Willis

SLM – News of the Bolton and Wolfowitz nominations finally reaches Madagascar.

Jufray – I did NOT inhale.

The What’s hotter’n the Purim Tarsier Award

JMMP Fan РJust saw Jacqueline̢۪s new photos.

The Monday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

No Senator, I did not use Steroids with Baseball

My Presssscioussss!

Seeing the Paris Hilton video for the first time.

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The Pork Fried Rice Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Photo by Kimimasa Mayama/Reuters

The Winners

First: T. Lung – “Hey, Konishiki, 47 cheeseburgers to go. . .and hold the rice. . .”

Second: Stormy Dragon – “Wow, Odd Job, you were right—You can hit John Kerry from all the way over here.”

Third: Mark – No, no, no lady! For the last time, I am NOT Reuben Stoddard.

Honorable Mention:

Michael – Seriousry, she kicked my ass, and she rooks great in a diaper.

Brandon Jaynes – Damn girl, I could eat you up- -no, seriously, I’m really freakin’ hungry!

McGehee – “I told her my manhood was in proportion to my waist size, and she believed me!”

The Thursday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“…And after I got up, guess what I had stuck in my butt crack? Can I keep her?”

“I’m from com-on-I-wanna-lay-ya”

“He’s on the heavy side, but he smells better than Rumsfeld”

“Condi says she’s gonna hook me up with Kirstie Alley. WOO WOO WOO”

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The In Dragnet Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Raheb Homavandi

The Winners

First: Jufray – CIRQUE DU SOLEIL presents … La Nu Clear

Second: Mark РFemale members of Harvard̢۪s faculty prepare for action against Larry Summers following the latest no confidence vote.

Third: AlphaPatriot – Pictured on the right, Ali “Alice” Mahammud is thankful for the “”Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. Says Alice, “I’m just grateful for the chance to put on a burka and carry a gun just like any other Iranian gal.”

Honorable Mention:

Brian J. – You thought Catholic school was hard?

Roger – If one of these women asks if her outfit makes her look fat, say nothing and take cover.

Mikey – Star Wars Episode VII: Attack of the Jawas

The Monday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

What they lack in size they make up for in PMS

Mohammad had hoped his virgins would’ve been a little less dominant

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The Be Sirius Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AP Photo/Fotopress, Ross Setford)

The Winners

First: Laurence Simon – “Hello, DogStar?”

Second: dougrc РTrunk monkey!!? Hell, I̢۪ve got a real security system!

Third: jufray – RUMSFELD purchased the newest “up armored” H2 with optional siren.

Honorable Mention:

Steven Taylor – The Borg were not as fearsome in their earlier incarnation

Maggie – The American Kennel Club has officially announced the approval of a new canine breed: The Howard Dean.

The Man – Sandy Hood quickly found out that 1) it is not wise to stick your head out of the sunroof and 2) the button that closes the sunroof on the 2003 Kia Sportage is on the center console.

The Thursday contest has already started.

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The Camilla’s Side Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AP Photo/Fotopress, Ross Setford)

The Winners

First: Brandon Jaynes – “Get Your Hillary 2008 Merchandise Here.”

second: Brian J. – Prince Charles was a little confused; he didn’t know which of his families holdings the peasants called the Golden Palace.

Third: X – Sadly, the Australian Football League couldn’t afford Janet Jackson for their Superbowl halftime show.

Honorable Mention:

Maniakes – Yes Virginia, there is a Fashion Police

bithead – “Welcome to viewers from all over the world, to new Zealand, I’m Jim McKay. Today, we will be witness to the annual running of the breasts”

Hodink –
FREE MASSAGE
in exchange for
DOING MY HAIR.

The Monday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“Get Your Courage right here, Dan.”

“…you just may be a redneck.”

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The Billy Joel, you ain’t Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The Winners

First: Mythilt – “I tried to introduce Mr Moore to the Rumsfeld Strangler, but I couldn’t fit my hands around his neck.”

Second: Beloved Leader – BRAINS! Must. . .have. . .BRAINS

Third: Chrees – “I said that we now know what we didn’t know when we didn’t know what we know now. But that we still don’t know what we don’t know now. You know?”

Honorable Mention:

LJD – “I will ask you one last time Princess, WHERE is the Rebel base” (heavy breathing)

Steven Taylor – “I’ll get you my little pretty, and your little dog, too!”

Brandon Jaynes – “You will stop asking stupid questions; you will stop asking stupid questions; you will stop asking stupid questions.”

The Thursday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight it
(with Apologies to Billy Joel)

“What beats four roses on a piano?”
“How ’bout tulips on an organ.”

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The Soylent Green is People Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

A very enjoyable contest, there were a lot of imaginative entries for this one

(AFP/DDP/Michael Kappeler)

The Winners

First: Steven L. – Michael Jackson began to seriously regret insisting on a “jury of his peers”. . . .

Second: Brandon Jaynes РMoscow̢۪s Red Orchestra, seen here singing Yellow Submarine, has long been green with envy over the success of the Blue Man Group.

Third: Bithead – It was here that Mulder found the motherload.

Honorable Mention:

T. Lung – The new-look Green Bay Packers synchronised semaphore cheerleaders sure did miss their head cheese!

Bithead – After nearly a week, the struggle to find a new CBS news anchor was down to a handful of people

McGehee – The new hit Broadway musical “Green Eggs and Ham” opened last night to rave reviews. Oddly enough, however, popcorn sales were slow and area restaurants reported business was down 90% over other opening nights.

McTrip – This is why voters never got to see the Swift Boat Veterans FOR Kerry…

Ingress – The Green Bay Packers circa 1920

Lance – French farting contest. . .

The Thursday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

Jackson’s attorney hoped that the selected jury would find nothing eccentric about the enigmatic pop star

This coming season the Green Bay Packers are preparing to take drastic measures to find 11 men that can play defense

Dennis Kuchinich gave up on blue and red and moved to the ‘green state’

The Rodney Dill Cloning Experiment was never considered a big success, but it did dispel the myth that “The copy is never as good as the original.”

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The Putin’ Out Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AFP/Maxim Marmur)

The Winners

First: Hodink – “No, no, no boys! Decide who is going to lead and that person places his left arm behind the partner’s waist. Begin again.”

Second: Maniakes – Don’t worry, Vlad. We’re soulmates. I won’t let a silly little thing like selling nukes to Iran get in the way of that.

Third: Stormy Dragon – For the exciting conclusion of his ventriloquism routine, Bush wowed the audience by drinking a glass of water while Putin sang The Party is Over.

Honorable Mention:

Jufray – Texas Chainsaw Barbecue

Maggie – Speaking under his breath, Bush informed Putin either he gets his act in gear or face a visit to Moscow by the Riceinator.

Sammler – “I’d like you to meet my brother, Raymond.”

The Thursday contest has already started. The Bottom of the Barrel is below the fold.

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

“That Fling with Kim Jong-Il really didn’t mean nothing.”

“I like House elves, Dobie, I think everybody should own one.”

Vlad the Impaler and Bush the Inhaler

“Yea I do sorta understand why Condi called you a skinny white boy/”

“Jees, I alway’s though De-Taunt was when we called y’all commie bastards”

Putin’ on the Ritz

“utshay uphay ickday eadhay – so what’s that mean? It sounds pretty catchy but I don’t understand a lick of russ-ki”

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(AP Photo/Steve Cannon)

The Winners

First: Timmer – Mr Governor, who has better rides, Universal Studios or Disney World?

Second: Chris Short РWho̢۪s Terri Schiavo?

Third: The WASP – Reporter: How wide is Hillary’s butt going to get?

Honorable Mention:

Carlos РGee, gosh, I dunno. . .go ask my brother. He̢۪s the brains of this outfit.

McGehee – The question was, “Governor, have you ever been to that Kinko’s in Abilene?”

Lisa Y – “So I forgot to wear pants. It happens, okay???!!”

RodneysJufrays Bottom of The Barrel (special guest captioner)

“Rodney Dill?”

The Thursday contest has already started.

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AFP Top Photos

The Winners

First: Eddie Thomas – Razib was thinking: “If this cure works for Arun, maybe we can get rich by selling it to Mick Jagger.”

Second: Dodd – “Oh no, that’s next door. It’s being-pounded-in-the-chest lessons in here.”

Third: Jufray – Clear!

Honorable Mention:

Loon – Archive photo : A youthful Lt.jg John Forbes Kerry works on getting his fourth purple heart in as many months. . .

Tig – “British Navy seeks alternatives to whipping with a cat-o-nine-tails in light of new attitude toward gays.”

Hodink – Tom tries to learn about other cultures. It was a choice between this one swift thwack or eating a bowl of goat testicles.

Rodneys Bottom of The Barrel

Elmo only took second place in chest thumping, and therefore was not made the DNC Chairman.

The Thursday contest has already started.

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Reuters/Handout

The Winners

First: Crerar – Milton Bradley unveiled its revamped version of the Game of Life where players are able to select a college, choose a career or get same-sex married.

Second: Laurence Simon – “I think Squidward needs to lay off the hormone supplements.”

Third: McCain – Gertrude’s menage a trois experience did not live up to her wild fantasies.

Honorable Mention:

caltechgirl РWhy didn̢۪t I get a costume? Don̢۪t you know I̢۪m Sandy Cheeks?

Myopost – Spongebob: How comes it then that thou art out of hell?
Patrick: Why this is hell, nor am I out of it.

Jay Tea – “Don’t ask, don’t tell” meets “Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.00.”

Rodneys Bottom of The Barrel

SB: “That’s Life”
P: “What’s Life?”
SB” “A board game”
P: “Where do I get it?”
SB: “At the toy store.”
P: “How Much does it cost?”
SB: “10 Dollars”
P: “But I only have 5 Dollars.”
SB: “That’s Life.”
P: “What’s Life?”
SB: “A board . . .”
After listening to Sponge Bob and Patrick every day for three years at the toy factory, Audrey, went home and ate her young.

“I always thought the Sponge was supposed to be placed between the prick and the cervix.”

The ThursdayMonday contest has already started.

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Photograph by Korean News Agency/AP

The personage we love to hate, nearly as much as John Kerry

The Winners

First: McTrip – “NUKLAHOMA” (McTrip prefaced it with – One for the archives : a rare snap taken during rehearsals of the writer-producer-director-leading male singer, Kim Jong “Johnny” Il, and the cast of the guaranteed runaway [no, runaway even faster] Pyongyang hit musical :- )

Second: Laurence Simon РDespite the protests of his wife and the Central Committee, Kim Jong-Il did what the voices in his head told him, and he plowed under the crops to build a concentration camp for political dissidents. That̢۪s when the ghost of his father came out of the wheat so they could play catch with Harry Truman̢۪s bleached skull.

Third: Confederate Yankee РAnd after 40 years of wandering, it slowly dawned upon the crowd that he really didn̢۪t have a clue where the Promised Land was.

The Thursday contest has already started.

Honorable Mention and the rest are under the Fold

Honorable Mention:

Scott P – Pensive Korean television executives monitor the reactions of a bemused Kim Jong-Il at the taping of the pilot episode of “Korean Fear Factor: Minefield.”

LJD – “Idiots! I said weapons, not wheat!” “Now where can we hide all of this before the people see it”

ralph hupp – a leader outstanding in his field.

Beloved Leader – Chamgan-man. . .chamgan-man. . .mugo! [Translation: “Wait for it. . .wait for it. . .Eat!”]

Field of Dreams entries:
Laurence Simon surely had the strangest Field of Dreams entry (which took second), but I enjoyed all the variations

Poliart – Kim: Build it and they will come!

RightViews.com – “I knew it! If I build it, they will come. . .”

Stormy Dragon – “The Field of Schemes”

Novelette Award

Bithead – Wins the best Novelette on a tyrannical dictator (Which will not be repeated here, or probably anywhere)

Rodneys Bottom of The Barrel

We study Nuclear Science,
We love critical masses,
‘Gotta crazy world leader,
Who wears dark glasses.
Bomb production’s going great,
And the missle’s flying better.

We’re refining it right,
High Plutonium Grade,
‘Countryside is so bright,
We Gotta wear shades.

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unknown via Tig

The Winners

First: caltechgirl – Kim Jong-Il reveals his true self for the first time

Second: Stormy Dragon – “Kill ‘er?” asked the confused David Berkowitz. “But why?”

Third: McGehee – In its ill-fated attempt to head off the practice of arming airline pilots, the FAA experimented with compact attack dogs small enough to fit in overhead compartments, documents obtained by DRUDGE REPORT reveal.
DEVELOPING. . .

The Monday contest has already started.

Honorable Mention and the rest are under the Fold

Honorable Mention:

Jufray – Add water… makes it’s own sauce.

Anna S. – Killer, Your dinner is served

Tig – My newest disguise is working according to plan.

General Mattis Rips (Did I get them all?)

McGehee – The Marines wouldn’t let Gen. Mattis have a Rottweiler.

SteveL – Eason Jordon provides this revealing photo of a U.S. Marine Corps mascot, which apparently earned its name at the expense of a CNN reporter.

Cassandra – “I tell ya, it’s damned fun killin’ some people. I like a good brawl… it’s a helluva hoot” said the vicious mastiff, blood and saliva dripping from its jowels as it strained to escape from the shock collar that barely contained its maniacal rage.

Roger – Killer was admonished for his statements that “sometimes, it’s fun to bite people.”

Rodneys Bottom of The Barrel

How all of Microsoft’s competition looks to Bill Gates

Steve Irwin: “Crikey, Killer isn’t me dog, Killer is me pet Croc.”

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REUTERS/Petr Josek

The Winners

First: Laurence Simon – French Special Forces plan for deployment in Darfur.

Second: Gary and the Samoyeds РAnd remember the shiny side goes inside, as otherwise the decorations won̢۪t stick to the tin foil.

Third: Stormy Dragon – Faced with a growing problem, Congress once again begins getting pressure to ban reproductive clowning.

Honorable Mention:

Christopher Cross РOsama̢۪s latest spin-off effort: Al-Gayda.

Myopist РSam, maybe it̢۪s just because we went to Minas Tirith and Rivendell and Moria and everything, but I gotta tell you: Hobbit ceremonial wedding costumes suck ass.
myopist

McTrip – Among the many tests that prospective Democrat contenders for the party’s nomination in 2008 must now undergo is synchronised “deaning” : igniting popular interest with a rebel yell.

Rodneys Bottom of The Barrel

After a short period of reflection on the question, “Would you rather have had a son, more than your gay daughter?” Dick Cheney responded, “NO.”

The Thursday contest has already started.

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REUTERS/Gleb Garanich

This contest was surprisingly refreshing

The Winners

First: Purple Raider – Senator Kerry is again faced with the frozen tundra of Lambert Field.

Second: McTrip – Astride his cycle of violence, the ghost of Yasser Arafat confronted “his” 72 virgins and reflected upon how he had never questioned the Koranic small print on the matter of temperature.

Third: Stormy Dragon – After the GI Joe incident failed to fool people, the Iraqi insurgents tried to convinced people they had taken an entire platoon hostage.

Honorable Mention:

Jufray – French spectators unimpressed as Lance Armstrong wins 25th straight tour.

Beth – Phil rallies the activists at the Global Warming protest.

McGehee – “Snow-EEEEEE-oh! SNOOOOOOW-oh!”

Pile On РEverybody freeze It̢۪s a human.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

At some point, after Bill Watterson’s retirement, it became apparent that he had far too much free time on his hands.

Home of the Friends of Bob – Senator Robert Byrd Fan Club.

The Monday contest has already started.

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REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Tough time judging this one, a lot of them seemed equally funny, but I finally came back to the first entry.

The Winners

First: Michael – Oooohhh A See-Saw!

Second: RightWingDuck – Once again, Europe interpreted a harmless sign as Satanic in nature.

Third: Steven Taylor – Bevo: “We win the Rose Bowl and these are the dates I get?”

Honorable Mention

Tig – “Why is it that everytime I see a woman in an evening dress, I get horny?”

Crerar – “Finally, a bull who can satisfy two women at once.”

dougrc – What do you mean we can’t bring him in the dining room? He’s a seeing-eye steer. Mama’s from Austin, you know.

Udder Amazement at the Worst cow Pun (and thanks for the many cow jokes)

Bithead

The two attractive hostesses were overcome by a feeling of Deja-Moo…. the feeling they’d dealt with this cow previously.

The two attractive hostesses were overcome by a feeling of Deja-Moo…. the feeling they’d dealt with this cow previously.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

Finally someone hornier than Paris Hilton

Who need’s Cialis, he’s perdura’bull’

‘How do we know he’s not mad. He voted for Bush.”

The Thursday contest has already started.

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(AP Photo/Charles Dharapak, Files)

The Winners

First: Scott Nichols – Hey, wait a second. . .more Ohio ballots!

Second: Sgt Fluffy – Oh…Sh*&…you’re not Dubya

Third: David Harris – “Pull it again! See what he says this time!”

Honorable Mention:

Masked Menace© – In an attempt to make himself seem more “common man” Kerry decides not to pay someone else to inform the man in front of him about his unsophisticated choice of hat.

McTrip – Embarrassing velcro malfunctions in public #37

Jufray – …when LEWIS did this… I and JACQUES laughed nonstop like schoolgirls for hours.

Kevin – Annoying Liberal.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“Hey, aren’t you that Secret Service Agent that pushed…”

“I hate &^$#@% cowboys.”

Cheap shot from the Cheap seats

The Monday contest has already started

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AP Photo/Jaime Puebla

Excellent captions, I was surprised it took so long for someone to come up with the take off on the Target Dog. I am pandering a bit with the list of honorable mentions, but this contest just seemed to bring out a funny vein in many of the commentors.

The Winners

Ne Plus Ultra: RightWingDuck – Unfortunately, the tryouts for the new Target Dog Mascot turned out quite differently than expected.

Second: Harry – Tank Commander Ralph Watkins winces as he realizes he has unwittingly let loose the dog of war.

Third: LJD – “I think he’s gettin’ ready to leave a road-side bomb!”

Honorable Mention:

Laurence Simon – We meet again, Teddy Salad.

Bithead – Mike Dukakas meets the enemy

OJ – Captain, we got that filthy dog Zarqawi!

Myopist РSwear to God, if it cocks a leg I̢۪m shooting it. I spent four hours washing this tank.

Dougrc – Reminiscent of the 1989 Tianenmen Square incident, Fluffy stood her ground for half an hour before slowly backing out of the way of the advancing tanks.

Rachel Edith – President Bush made that surprise visit to the troops last week. Scheduling glitches resulted in presidential dog, Barney, being left behind in a fox hole. Barney emerged today none the worse for wear. After de-briefing in Germany, the dog will be reunited with the Commander-in-Chief.

Roark – Hold Fire! …It’s not a FRENCH poodle.

The Thursday contest has already started.

Rodney’s Bottom of the Barrel

“That pup craps in my lawn again, and he’s gonna taste a round from the new tank mounted Bowitzer 500.

Targeting terrorist Al Bark-awi

Not ones to back down from a fight they are sure to win, the French Army prepares to launch an offensive in the
Global War On Terriers

“Bring out the Holy Hand Grenade.”

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AP Photo/Lefteris Pitarakis

Some very good entries for what I thought to be a harder picture. The top three were very close, but I have to concur with opinions of several of the commentors.

The Winners

First: Bithead – “PULL!”

Second: Ingress – “Like they say, a bird in the hand … uh, uh, ooops. Awwww man.”

Third: The Doctor – The new US military drone Peace One, prepares to unleash the mother of all bird turds on a crowd on insurgents outside Mosul.

Honorable Mention:

Myhilt – 3 seconds later, Amir discovered that yes, the bird of peace can take a crap

Kent – Who flipped the bird?

Baron – The Great Ali Al Swalhiri shows off his first magic trick. Shortly after, he was blown up by Islamic extremists insisting that magic is not consistent with the Koran, therefore he and the 13 innocent people around him deserved to die.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

(with music) “All we are saying, is give peace a . . . Aw Crap.”

As predicted the Dove of Peace flew directly for the Promise of Democracy, which unfortunately was surrounded by a bullet proof glass window.

The Monday contest has already started.

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AP Photo/J. Pat Carter

The Winners

First: Sgt. Fluffy – “WWID
– What Would Idiots Do”

Second: Laurence Simon – Apparently, there’s a backorder of “I’m With Stupid” T-Shirts that have the arrow pointing upwards.

Third: Mflorence – So, what did you do with the Super Glue remover?

Honorable Mention:

Sortapundit – You take the blue bracelet, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red bracelet, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes…. Remember, all I’m offering is the truth, nothing more….

Hodink – A Must Have – For the families who cancel out each other’s vote.

Ingress – Why is it you can sue Wendy’s if you get fat, Marlboro if you get cancer, but you can’t sue Coors for all the ugly people you slept with? (Good point)

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“You should see how many bands Mary Matalin and James Carville each have.”

Hunting tags for Moonbat season.

Man: “This means I voted for Bush four times, Did you vote for Kerry four times?”
Woman: “Don’t be silly dad, This means I had sex with Bill Clinton four times.”

The Thursday contest has already started.

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REUTERS/Carlos Barria

The Winners

First: Jay Tea – “Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.”

Second: Hodink – Anna Kournikova has tired of her sexy image. Now she wants to win at tennis by beating male opponents which she says she will do by eating their balls

Third: Mythilt – Yesterday, Amanda Monti was let go from her job as a linegirl after she accidently grabbed the wrong ball.

Honorable Mention

Crerar – No – I do not want to see it stick its tongue out again

Bithead – “Think of it this way, John… All the chicks in the stands are now looking at my crotch”
“Yeah but so are the GUYS, Bill. . .”

Roger – Captain Kirk saw the image on the screen, an image from some sports figuring during Earth’s 21st century. Perplexed, he turned to Spock.
“Analysis, Spock!”
“Captain, what we see here is a tennis player wearing shorts bearing an image of what is called a basketball, holding a tennis ball in front. . .of. . .balls.”
“Spock! Balls?!”
“Yes, Captain. If I was to mention the proper medical term, we might get sued by the FCC.”
“Bones!”
“You heard the man! Balls!”

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

The Great Magnifico’s ball levitation astounded the crowd until little Johnny said, “Hey, its not floating it’s stuck on the end of his . . .”

And of course, The Monday contest has already started.

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REUTERS/Ben Gurr/The Times/Pool

The Winners

First: Chrees – Does this outfit make my rear look fat?

Second: Jay Tea – Following long-standing procedure, Corporal Eddington (right) refused to be relieved from his post when he realized that Sergeant Chesterfield (left) had reported for duty out of uniform again.

Third: Bithead – “I think this ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ thing is working well, don’t you?”

Honorable Mention:

Scott P РNow, Mr. Guard, I̢۪ll show you something I like to call the 69th position. I bet that will get a rise out of you. . .

Anna S. РThese slippers are killing me; next time you be the sugar plum fairy and I̢۪ll be the nutcracker.

Masked Menace – After realizing the ballerina was turned ever so slightly too far the wrong way, Major Stifas Abored, thought to himself, “Sometimes, I really hate my job.”

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

I call This position ‘The Moss’

And of course, The Thursday contest has already started.

Conservative Life has started their next contest as well.

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REUTERS/Dan Riedlhuber

The Winners

First: Timmer – “Good trade there Mr. Dowd.”

Second: AlphaPatriot – Democrats from all over the country respond to a call for a new party mascot, bringing beloved pets to Washington as the party tries to remake their image.

Third: RightWingDuck – “President Bush and Staff present their gift to the survivors of the tsunami. This one – a present for the Ambassador of India. Finally, no more gaffes.”

Honorable Mention:

Hodink – Paying a visit to the home of Condi Rice, Dubya Bush brings along a few of his favorite things.

Crerar – Gus and Claribelle Fornicher catch a train to start their honeymoon on the eve of Canada enacting increasingly liberal marriage laws.

Bithead – And in offices throughout southern Manhattan for the remainder of the day, people were asking the question: “Do you smell something”?

Chrees – You’d be a “mad cow” too if you had to take public transportation all the time.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“Not to be outdone in shenanigans some distraught Packer fans set off to pay Randy Moss a visit.”

The Monday contest has already started.

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Yahoo – REUTERS

Thanks to all, especially to those that mostly behaved with their captions.

The Winners

First: Brian J. – Don’t Panic.

Second : Dougrc – “Because mom says we can’t flip off reporters anymore, that’s why!”

Third: Laurence Simon – “What has two thumbs and likes giv- wait. How many thumbs do I have up?”

Honorable Mention:

Tom – Dad told me that when I graduated from college that I would lose my flight priveleges on Air Force 1. I thought he was kidding.

Aggie wife – “Bosh Good, Bosh number 1″

Zod – Jenna Bush is believed to be dead, and she must let the world think that she is dead, until she can find a way to control the raging party animal that dwells within her ….

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“I’m off to help some woman in trouble in Asia, I think her name is Sue Nommy”

Jenna display’s her knowledge of the international sign for Budweiser

The Thursday contest has already started.

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REUTERS/Loay Abu haykel

The Winners

First: Steven Taylor – “And that, my friends, is the sound of one hand clapping.”

Second : McGehee – You foolish red-state types see the hand of God in everything, dont you? What? AAAIIIIEEEEEE!

Third: spd rdr – Just look at the length of that lifeline!
What more proof do you need that Yassir was poisined by the Zionists?

Honorable Mention:

Pennywit РAdam Smith̢۪s hand reveals itself.

Kenny – “Our enemies are wrong my brothers! Clearly you can see that I most certainly DO NOT have hair on my palms!”

David Harris – The press conference turned into chaos when the fifth little piggy suddenly decided to make a break for it.

Zed – Years after the release of Sgt. Peppers the Muslim world is just now learning how to play records backwards.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“No. . . No. . . Mr. Sluggo. . .”

The Hand of Knowledge meets the Seat of Ignorance.

“You want me step this way? But why?”

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AP Photo/Dean Hoffmeyer, Richmond Times-Dispatch

As if this picture wasn’t funny enough. Maybe I just felt overly generous, but this time I chose to extend the Honorable Mention section as there were just too many excellent captions. If you haven’t had a chance you should read through all the captions for this contest as a majority of them are pretty good. Bithead and Crerar were well on the way to a first place tie until “The Doctor” placed his/her entry.

The Winners

First: The Doctor – Some reporter from Chicago gave ‘em to me to wear tonight at the Rumsfeld press conference.

Second (tied): Bithead РSo, YOU̢۪RE the new communications officer, eh?
Second (tied): Crerar – Alright soldier – you can guide my Humvee tonight.

Third: Brandon – Why? Because no one could shoot Rudolph!

Honorable Mention:

Garry and the Samoyeds – “I can’t wear these? Whatever happened to ‘be all you can be?’”

Laurence Simon – The hard part was cutting the holes in my helmet to stick them through it.

Zong Ren – Don’t worry – it happens to a lot of guys the first time they get perfumed letters.

David Harris – “I have to wear the nose, too?”

McGehee – Corporal, if you say, “Can you hear me now?” one more time, I’m gonna frag you!

Dave Schuler – Between the long time away from home and the “no fraternization” I am really getting horny.

Anna S. – What antlers? (editor: This one made me think of Marty Feldman’s “Hump, What Hump?” in Young Frankenstein)

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“As long as Rumsfeld is in charge this does not violate Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, so you are required to continue to wear the new GAYDAR 2000 young fella.”

“So where’s your partner, the one they call Rocky”

“Jees, I wish it had never gotten out that my Grandmother did grow up in Lapland, and that she was run over by a reindeer.”

“I know its rutting seasaon, but leave Cpl. Gonzales alone.”

KLINGER!!

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Yahoo – Top Stories Photos – Reuters

The Winners

First: Hermoine – “Anybody know how a doggone muff works?”

Second: Sgt. Fluffy – They’re ready for inspection Major Barney.

Third: McGehee – A second later, Bush acted instinctively—with the result that he got a Barney-shaped scar on his forehead.

Honorable Mention:

Maniakes – “Look what I got for the twins!”
“Good trade, sir!”

Lij – President Bush comments on the slippery slope ahead, “don’t worry Barney, it’s still don’t ask, don’t tell!”

Leopold Stotch – Airmen O’Malley and Perez now understand what John Kerry meant when he said that “if given a second term, George W. Bush will screw the pooch.”

Still Venting the Ghosts of Elections Past

Laurence Simon РBe glad I won, boys. Otherwise, you̢۪d be picking Teresa̢۪s crap up off of the tarmac.

Leopold Stotch – I know Barney’s a boy and all but …
Under his breath Airman O’Malley whispers to Airman Perez, “I’d rather salute this bitch than that thing John Kerry married.”

Bithead – Look, Dubya, I don’t CARE who cleaned the plane when… I’m tellin’ ya.. I can still smell that idiot, Buddy in there, and I ain’t goin’ IN there, OK?

The Bonus Caption contest is still underway until tomorrow PM, and the Thursday contest is already off to a fast start.

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Yahoo – World Photos – Reuter

The Winners

First: Sortapundit –
Santa: Merry Christmas, camel.
Camel: Actually, I̢۪m Jewish

Second: Maggie – Why can’t you ask for directions….we won’t be able to see the STAR until dark…now the other two Wise men are going to beat us there!

Third: Ferdinand T. Cat – Due to a shipping error, Santa found himself with a camel instead of a reindeer, and the wrong size sleigh.

Honorable Mention:

myopist – Mondays

Zod – A strike by the Reindeer Union forced Santa to improvise.

Cassandra – [voice from rear of camel]
“It never fails… every year that twit Rodney dresses up in the red suit and hands out all the toys and we get stuck with this sweaty friggin’ camel suit…whaddaya say we jump him Christmas Eve and swipe his milk and cookies?”

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

(explanation of previously posted caption)
Since Santa only comes once a year, by the time Christmas rolls around even the reindeer have concerns about becoming a Dromedary.
(Dromedary = Camel = “Humped” Animal)

Camel: “I beg your pardon but I really think Teddy Kennedy meant to ask for Chocolate Covered Caramels for Christmas”

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They were nowhere near as creepy as I’d hoped, but the winners are:

First Place: Boyd — When the Hamilton kids learned that Santa Claus was also a Roman Catholic priest, they displayed mixed reactions.

Second Place: The Ubiquitous Rodney Dill — Little Timmy jumps and drops his sister, as Santa “warms his hands.”

Third Place: Duffer — Jane likes sitting on Santa’s left knee; Dick ain’t so sure about sitting on Santa’s right knee; Young Emily suddenly remembers that Santa has only two knees.

I don’t get it but it sounds disturbing:

Christopher Cross — Only little Tina Baker enjoyed the family tradition of “Triple Dutch Oven.”

For added post-Holiday cheer, check out this tribute to my best friend on her birthday.

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Yahoo – Reuter Photo Highlights

The Winners

First: McGehee –
Rumsfeld: “These are not the condolence letters you’re looking for.”
Reporter: “These are not the condolence letters we’re looking for.”
Rumsfeld: “Move along.”
Reporter: “Let’s move along.”

Second: Sortapundit – You wanna know why I didn’t sign those letters? I got The Claw in ‘82 during a Pacman tourney. Haven’t been able to hold a pen since.

Third(tied): Kate – “As you know, you go decorate the Christmas tree with the ornaments you have … not the ornaments you might want or wish to have at a later time.”
Third(tied): Jason – Well, that’s no ordinary rabbit. That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! He’s got huge, sharp – eh – he can leap about – look at the bones!

Honorable Mention:

bryan – Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld shows proper knuckleball form during a press conference announcing his tryout for the (possible) Washington Nationals. “I’ve been throwing knuckleballs past the national media for three years now,” Rumsfeld said. “I think I can put a few past Sammy Sosa and that juiced-up Barry – what’s his name? – Bonds.”

KJ – Tired of waiting for nude pyramids and sleep deprivation to work, Rumsfeld decides to personally administer his Vulcan mild meld technique to get the Al Kae Duh prisoners talking.

Cassandra – “Let me state for the record, that smiley thing-a-majigger is not official US Army-issue”
“It’s some crazy thing Joyner rigged up. I can’t be held responsible” (editor: seemed like they belonged together)

Leopold Stotch already has a Festivus Edition contest started. The abnormal Monday/Thursday schedule of caption contests will be a little erratic over the holiday week between Christmas and New years.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel (below)

“…but I’m not a monster, I have the heart of the child, I keep it in my desk drawer.”

AP BREAKING – At a press conference Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld blames Dr. James Joyner for the smiley face icons that keeps showing up on the condolence e-mails.

DRUDGE REPORTING – Even though Donald Rumsfeld has previously blamed Dr.James Joyner for the condolence letter email smiley face fiasco he later confirmed his belief that Cassandra was behind the mishap.
Rumsfeld is quoted as saying, “It gives me no pleasure to admit that the recherche blog princess is behind this debacle.”

“Then close your eyes and tap your heels together three times …”

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The That’ll Leave a Mark Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – Reuter Photo Highlights

The Winners

First: spd rdr РThe doctor had seen many strange things in his years of practice, but the proctologist had to admit that Bert̢۪s misshap beat them all.

Second: Myopist РDamn, but you̢۪re a mean drunk, Superman.

Third: David Harris – Upset at no longer being the grandest architectural achievement in France, the Eiffel Tower throws itself to its death off the newly opened Millau Bridge.

Honorable Mention:

RightWingDuck – French Authorities Lose a Training Eiffel Tower used to Train Dogs in Terrorist Detection.

frog – Looks like Michael Moore finally made it to the top.

Hodink – Chirac shows that he really would do just about anything for this mistress.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

Proctologist: “Yes Mr. Moore, I do believe that you have a foreign object lodged in your rectum.”

AP BREAKING – While it is known that severe weather forced Santa’s sleigh off course, it is not believed that problems of any significant consequence resulted.

There comes a place in every project to shoot the Engineers and start production. France is not that place.

“Ouch”

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The Crown Joules Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – World Photos – Reuters

The Winners

Ne Plus Ultra: McGehee – Why they hate us

Second: (tied) Masked Menace РBjork makes her entrance to the Grammy̢۪s.

Second: (tied) Masked Menace РOne of these days I̢۪m gonna get this @^%&%$@# Christmas lights thing figured out.

Third: McTrip РWhile delighted by the outcome of her slimming program, Monica was neither thrilled by the gig her agent booked her at The Clinton Library nor at the uniform sponsored by SuctionHoses̢۪r̢۪Us.

Honorable Mention:

Ken – Abu Garb

Kate РMargaret Cho̢۪s long-lost vibrator love child.

Timmer – Madonna’s li’l girl grows up.

The next Caption Contest is already underway.

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The Bad Santa Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – World Photos – Reuters

The Winners

Ne Plus Ultra: Cassandra – After Santa got into the holiday eggnog for the 5th time, Rudolph decided he could jolly well guide his own *&%! sleigh tonite…

Second: Chadwick РMore proof of why you don̢۪t hire Ron Artest to play Santa Claus!

Third: Kim Chong-il РWith the help of seven beefy elves and the calm reassurance they they don̢۪t celebrate Christmas in Fallujah, they finally dragged Blitzen back from Canada.

Honorable Mention:

Fred Boness – “ You’re gonna be uh, guest of honor at the Elves dinner party.

McGehee – Practicing for the North Pole Championship Rodeo, Santa demonstrates why, in spite of entering the reindeer-dogging event 1300 years in a row, he has yet to win the belt buckle.

RightWingDuck – My Reindeer Got run over by a Santa, on our way to our house Christmas Eve

Rodneys bottom of the barrel

“No, Santa, no, When we asked how do you mount a reindeer, we meant taxidermy.

“Damn good thing I don’t use Reinbear.”

A new contest is already underway.

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The Naughty or Rice Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – Top Stories Photos – Reuters

The Winners

Ne Plus Ultra: Laurence Simon РJust as Dorothy was asked by The Wizard of Oz to bring back the Wicked Witch̢۪s broom as proof of her demise, Karl Rove waves Arafat̢۪s Horrible Red Binder as proof of the terrorist̢۪s death.

Second: Kim Chong-il – Pheeeeewie! Condi! More red beans and rice for lunch today? Somebody light a match!

Third: McTrip – The folder entitled ‘The Official List of Madeleine Albright’s Diplomatic Achievements’ contained a single blank page.”

Honorable Mention:

Duffer – “Now, Condi, quit giggling & read the instructions very carefully….because there is a right way and a wrong way to roll up this tool of diplomacy before you stick it where – oddly enough – the girlie man French foreign minister actually prefers it . . .”

T. Lung – Juss ‘n case ennybuddy woz wundrin folks ‘n red stayts r’gonna hav mo infloonts ‘’n ‘’Merrigan furrn pollisy ‘’n fyootchir. Unnerstan ?

Timmer – Girl in Pink over Dr. Rice’s Shoulder: BILL, not NOW dammit…

Rodney’s Bottom of the barrel

These Abu Ghraib photo’s always crack me up.

As Karl Rove shows his folder of ‘dirty election tricks’ to Condi Rice he says to Terry McAuliffe, “Ya just ain’t gonna see these on Daily Kos“

Rove tried to wave the offending odor in the direction of Condi, but from then on, when together, they were always known as ‘Beans and Rice’

“After that tape from Osama Bin Ladin we didn’t have to pull out this last campaign ad of John hitting a squirrel with his bicycle pump.”

“Yep, Laurence Simon is full of crap.”

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