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Herman Cain: Jesus Christ Was “The Perfect Conservative” Convicted By A “Liberal Court”

In a post over at Red State Herman Cain has a rather unique interpretation of the Easter Passion:

He led without a mandate. He taught without a script. His common sense parables filled people with promise and compassion, His words forever inspiring.

He never condemned what others believed – just sin, evil and corruption.

He helped the poor without one government program. He healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed the hungry without food stamps. And everywhere He went, it turned into a rally, attracting large crowds, and giving them hope, encouragement and inspiration.

For three years He was unemployed, and never collected an unemployment check. Nevertheless, he completed all the work He needed to get done. He didn’t travel by private jet. He walked and sailed, and sometimes traveled on a donkey.

But they made Him walk when He was arrested and taken to jail, and no, He was not read any Miranda Rights. He was arrested for just being who He was and doing nothing wrong. And when they tried Him in court, He never said a mumbling word.

He didn’t have a lawyer, nor did He care about who judged Him.
His judge was a higher power.

The liberal court found Him guilty of false offences and sentenced Him to death, all because He changed the hearts and minds of men with an army of 12.

His death reset the clock of time.

Never before and not since has there ever been such a perfect conservative

Yes, when I think of liberalism, the first thing that comes to mind is the 1st Century A.D. Roman Empire.

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About Doug Mataconis
Doug holds a B.A. in Political Science from Rutgers University and J.D. from George Mason University School of Law. He joined the staff of OTB in May, 2010 and also writes at Below The Beltway. Follow Doug on Twitter | Facebook

Comments

  1. Brian Lehman says:

    Apparently Herman Cain wakes up every morning and says to himself, what idiotic thing can I say today?

    Highly-rated. Helpful or Unhelpful: Thumb up 35 Thumb down 10

  2. Murray says:

    “He helped the poor without one government program. He healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed the hungry without food stamps.”

    So we are told. Those who believe that also believe he was the son of God. Are you the son of God Herman?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 7

  3. Kylopod says:

    Well, well, well, the Liberals now are Christ-killers; I bet we also bake conservatives in our matzo, huh?

    Highly-rated. Helpful or Unhelpful: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 5

  4. michael reynolds says:

    And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

    Actually it seems Jesus may be with Occupy Wall Street.

    Highly-rated. Helpful or Unhelpful: Thumb up 31 Thumb down 5

  5. mantis says:

    He helped the poor without one government program. He healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed the hungry without food stamps.

    Oh good. Now all we need is a new guy with supernatural powers, and we’ll be all set. The Cain Doctrine?

    His common sense parables filled people with promise and compassion

    Hmm, compassion. Like when Cain calls anyone who is not rich a loser who deserves his/her lot in life?

    He never condemned what others believed – just sin, evil and corruption.

    Says the guy who said he will never hire a Muslim and that Americans have a right to use the government to restrict certain religious groups from building on land they own?

    But they made Him walk when He was arrested and taken to jail, and no, He was not read any Miranda Rights. He was arrested for just being who He was and doing nothing wrong. And when they tried Him in court, He never said a mumbling word.

    He didn’t have a lawyer, nor did He care about who judged Him. His judge was a higher power.

    Is it just me, or does Cain seem to think that if you are the victim of a grave injustice, as Jesus was, then you should just take it?

    The liberal court found Him guilty of false offences and sentenced Him to death, all because He changed the hearts and minds of men with an army of 12.

    The “liberal court” members were probably drinking lattes and talking about multiculturalism too! Damned libruls!

    Highly-rated. Helpful or Unhelpful: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 3

  6. john personna says:

    Cain’s gig is to say things that conservatives love to hear. They eat it up with a spoon. He goes up in the polls every time he gives them a zinger.

    They probably will gear down to an “adult in the room” candidate, but they’ll enjoy every bit of this in the meantime.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 3

  7. mattb says:

    God almighty… I don’t even know where to start.

    I’d love to see how Jesus’s anti-death penalty views would fit in among current conservative thought. He also wasn’t particularly big on militiary/defense spending. He also wasn’t particularly big on things like the accumulation of personal wealth — especially if it wasn’t shared with those less fortunate — and I don’t even want to remind Mr. Cain about the one time Christ get’s violent in the bible, it’s to cast businesses/banks out of the temple.

    Also, I’m not entirely sure what Miranda has to do with anything.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 3

  8. David M says:

    If that was a bit written by a liberal comic, I would have thought it was dumb and didn’t have any effort put into it. That Cain appears to have been serious boggles the mind. I worry for the future of TDS and Colbert, how do you parody this?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 2

  9. I am confused, is he for Miranda rights? I thought conservatives like Cain would have liked to have seen Earl Warren impeached.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  10. @Timothy Watson:

    I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the “liberal court” thing

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 1

  11. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

    Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

    Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

    Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

    Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

    Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

    Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

    Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. -Matthew 5:1-12 (NIV)

    But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. -Matthew 5:44 – 45 (KJV)

    The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few; Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth labourers into his harvest. -Matthew 9:37-38 (KJV)

    Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother. -Matthew 12:48-50 (KJV)

    If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. -Matthew 19:21 (KJV)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0

  12. Tsar Nicholas says:

    This dude makes Bachmann look sane.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 2

  13. Dick Givens says:

    The fact that he, Perry and Bachman have an audience is sad. As a nation we can do better than this. To say he is wacko condemns us all. We after all somehow created the conditions that allow these people an audience.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1

  14. Ernieyeball says:

    Luke 6:24-26 Woe unto you:
    that are rich! for ye have received your consolation.
    that are full now! for ye shall hunger.
    that laugh now! for ye shall mourn and weep.
    when all men shall speak well of you! for in the same manner did their fathers to the false prophets.
    JC

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

  15. mattb says:

    To tie this back to the Cain/Race discussion from the other thread, the thing that is so grating about Cain is how in-artful he is a playing a race or religion card. Subtlty, thy name is not H. Cain.

    All that said, the divide between populist conservatives and… well… the rest of us, seems to be on if this sort of stuff is either (a) refreshing or (b) really problematic. For those of us who vote “B” the question then seems to be is Cain intentionally this flatfooted (dumb like a fox) or does he really believe what he is saying?

    Some days I think it’s primarily A… lately, I’m not quite so sure.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  16. Tlaloc says:

    Cain has descended into the buffoonish demagoguery that I typically associate with Coulter. Time to reset the ignore filter.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1

  17. Restless says:

    This is less about literally calling Pilate / The Romans / The Sanhedrin “liberal” and more about Cain finding another avenue to call his opponents terrible and evil. I’m sure the GOP eats this stuff up for breakfast but I can’t see normal people doing the same.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1

  18. legion says:

    I can only hope that something this outrageous, this directly opposed to literally every single thing Jesus taught, finally starts to get through the thick skulls of the religious fundamentalists of the GOP base that the GOP is composed of lying hypocritical bastards, top to bottom, and is undeserving of their support.

    I’m not holding my breath.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

  19. Ernieyeball says:

    @Dick Givens: “As a nation we can do better than this.”

    No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States. USCon Art.II Sec.1 Par.5.

    Anyone who meets this test can seek the office of President of the US.

    Do you want to change it?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

  20. Janis Gore says:

    Maybe the man should stick with the parable of the talents.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  21. michael reynolds says:

    I find my atheism allows me to still admire Jesus. Not the son of god, but still way ahead of his time. Ahead of our time, too.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 2

  22. OzarkHillbilly says:

    @Timothy Watson: you know, “the sermon on the mount” should put several people in their place, the fact that it won’t, tells the tale.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  23. A voice from another precinct says:

    @mattb: He’s also not objectivist enough. What did Jesus ever do to promote his own interests? How did he put virtuous selfishness to use to enlarge his own importance and abilities?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  24. mattb says:

    @A voice from another precinct:
    Beyond all that, I’m struck by the idea that Pontius Pilate constituted a “liberal” court. First of all, Pilate found him innocent… it was his own people who ordered him put to death[*]. And the ones stoking Jesus’s peers (who found him guilty) were the conservatives of his day. Which is of course the great irony.

    Cain pretends that “American Conservatism” could have existed then, when in reality, chances are Cain’s own respect for tradition would suggest that he’s be one of the people in the crowd calling for the death of the radical rabbi who threatened to destory/pevert many long held Jewish traditions/traditional beliefs.

    [*] – this btw is following the biblical account of the Passion. I’ve always wondered — due to the role Roman agents played in the death of Christ — how the history might have been altered during the time of Constantine’s conversion.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  25. anjin-san says:

    Cain is simply following one of the far rights SOPs.

    Invoke the name of Jesus every 15 minutes. Never, ever, ever follow that actual teachings of Jesus.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

  26. rodney dill says:

    @michael reynolds:

    Actually it seems Jesus may be with Occupy Wall Street.

    Maybe he’s the one holding the sign, “I’m Too Big To Fail.”
    (OK, thats a later post than this one)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

  27. Alan Bickley says:

    The Sanhedrin? Liberal? The depth of this man’s ignorance remains unplumbed.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  28. Shelly says:

    As an Independent, I would have a hard time voting for someone that can call half of our citizens Christ killers.
    If I didn’t have to work my tail off to support my family, I’d drive to New York and Occupy Wall Street!
    That’s what Jesus would do! :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  29. anjin-san says:

    The depth of this man’s ignorance remains unplumbed.

    We are talking about 21st century Republicans. That’s a feature, not a bug.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

  30. Bob says:

    @Brian Lehman:

    Super Intelectuals such as yourself cannot fathom that there could be a higher power to guide you through your pitiful lives. I feel sorry for you.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0