Thursday, January 2, 2014
Time for the Thursday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced after Tuesday PM.
“Midnight train to Georgia.”
“Don’t talk to me before I’ve had my morning polonium.”
“Hrm… not as fun as riding my bear.”
Brrr. Guess I’ll keep my shirt on.
Putin On The Ritz?
Here I sit up early in the morning making up stupid punchlines about Russian strongman Putin, when I know that I have a tough day ahead of me auditioning new strippers for my club. Oh, the daily grind! The daily grind….
I hear Bill Cosby is endorsing a new product, Jello Putin….
Thank God I live in America…..my jokes would probably Putin me in a Russian prison…They’re not good…
Putin? Didn’t his wife tell him that last night in bed?
So this comrade is driving his pet Russian bear in his Russian GAZ automobile and gets pulled over by a Moscow policeman. Russian policeman tells comrade, “Why you not take Russian bear to zoo?”. Comrade explains, “Took bear to zoo. He like it so much, bear now want to go to the beach…”
“Hey comrade. What jokes about Putin by Paul Hooson and Putin himself have in common? Give up comrade? No sense of humor….”
Putin visiting his newly acquired Canadian provinces
Russian bear show up in Moscow theater. Usher shocked, explain, “I expected to see Chechen terrorist before I would see bear in theater…”.
Is that Gene Wilder?
He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice…. He’s deciding who to jail when the Olympics are over….
Russia: Putin president for life….USA: Clintons president for life….No difference…
Absolute power corrupts absolutely?
“What’s the biggest difference between China and Russia? A lot more crap to sell…”
“I wonder if the Russian Georgia has a Jimmy Carter?”
“Dear St. Nicholas….I’d a new suit. I’d like one of the latest electronic gadgets to play with….Oh, yeah, and no political opponents….”
Outside The Borsch-Belt?
“Russian trains very advanced comrade…..Run on hamsters on treadmill….”
My morning tea is so much better when brewed from the bitter tears of Chechen patriots terrorists.
Sooooo, Sochi, I must look properly angered and surprised at the inevitable terrorist bombing.
My plan to revitalize the Russian automotive industry is coming together. First thing we need is someplace to put all those cars and soon we will have the World’s Largest Parking lot in the Caucasus.
I’ve missed W so much…Since he looked into my soul that day.
Putin rides the WWI munitions train he found while diving in the Black Sea. Surprisingly enough, it was still in near perfect condition!
OK, we got the Ukraine back. Now who should be my next victim ally?
@C. Clavin: Why does not Obama swoon to my charms the way W did?
Putin suddenly realized that there was no more political opponents to be vanquished. He would have cried but he is as cold as ice, he cannot shed tears.
“If you like your gulag, you can keep your gulag . . . .”
“I have a Super Bowl ring, so my resolution for 2014 is to own America & all NFL franchises . . .”
“Ahhh, I love the smell of being dictator in the morning.”
“Now that Kim Jong Un has a ski lift . . . I must challenge him to a skiing contest.”
“Those Pussy Riot members are sooo hot! If I haven’t imprizoned them, I’ll have a chance with at least one of them. That was the wrong move. Damnit! Now I can only imagine them twerking…..”
“Asylum to Donald Trump? I don’t think so.”
“I’m dreaming of a Snowden-less Christmas, just like the ones I used to know . . . . .”
“My approval rating is twice that of Obama’s. I must figure out a way to make it triple!”
“I’m glad I live in a world where I hold power over life and death.”
“That’s right, Sun. Retreat before the glory that is Vladimir Putin.”
“Hmmmm…. I wonder if Estragon is still waiting for him…..”
“I’m going to need more stevia.”
Putin sings his favorite song softly while stirring his tea, “I’m so Vlad, I’m so Vlad, I’m Vlad, I’m Vlad, I’m Vlad.”
Pooty-poot’s flatulence often causes him to have to eat alone.
“I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.”
Strelnikov still has his own train.
Bears brag about wrestling him.
Former KGB agents hide from him.
He once gave chemical weapons to Syria, and when he asked for them back, they returned them and said “thank you”.
When he ran for President of Russia, the old president stepped aside.
He’s the world’s most interesting man.
“Stay oppressed, my friends.”
you forgot: “Chuck Norris apologized for stepping on his shadow”
“Wear leather. Drink hot vodka. Talk about getting world domination.”
@Mu: The ones I listed are kind of based on real life. How about “he can beat up Steven Seagal”. Oh, and one I should have added, “NFL players give him their Superbowl rings”.
And there in the buffet car I wait for eternity, or Basingstoke or Reading.
When I was just a baby my Mama told me, “Son,
Join the KGB and learn to play with guns.”
I shot a man in Moscow just to watch him die.
When I heard Pussy Riot singin’ I hung my head and sighed.
I’m with those rich folks eatin’ in that fancy dining car.
We’re certainly drinking coffee and eating caviar.
I know they had it comin’, I know they can’t be free.
Pussy Riot keeps a singin’ and that’s what tortures me.
It appears that I haven’t gotten the trains to run on time yet.
Putin: “That #@%@^&4%#@*&* Aeroflot! They no take American Express and now I ride Siberian Express”
Conservative hearts everywhere are beating a little faster…
Progressive hearts sigh heavily wishing Obama had as much power…
“This coffee smells like death and tastes like sh1t”
Don’t make it tougher on yourself, Mr. Bond! My orders are to kill you and deliver the Lektor. How I do it is my business. It’ll be slow and painful.
I’m too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan…
I’m so lonely, so lonely, so lonely and sadly alone.
There’s no one, just me only, sitting on my little throne.
I work really hard and make up great plans,
But nobody listens, no one understands.
And so I’m lonely, a little lonely, poor little me.
Come on ride my train, or I shoot you, right? Come on ride my train, or I shoot you, right?
@ He who must not be named says
So you admit that the endless conservative bleating about Obama being a “dictator” is utter BS? Thanks for clearing that up.
I admit nothing, least of all any straw man caricatures of your projection issues. Who said I am a conservative anyway?
@anjin-san: Don’t be that guy.
“Next stop, District 12.”
Putin: “Is nice Siberian train. I don’t know why Solzhenitsyn was so unhappy with his train ride.”
How about “he can beat up Steven Seagal”.
At least he can act better than Steven Seagal.
OTB Caption Contest