Monday, June 16, 2014
Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced next weekend.
“…In the year 2525, if you’re Paul Hooson, some machine is writing jokes for you….In the year 2525…”
“TRANSFORMERS…..Less Than Meets The Eye….”
“In this porn reboot of The Wizard Of Oz, that trap door over his groin pops open, and then he starts getting busy with Dorothy…”
“I knew Robbie the robot….Robbie the robot was a friend of mine….Sir, you’re no Robbie the robot”.
Lost In Space Robot: “Dr. Smith, do you realize that you’re the first gay man in space?”
Dr. Smith then screams like a little girl and then passes out….
What do the evil robots in Transformers and the Obamacare computers have in common?
Both machines went AGOG!
“Klaatu, Barack Obama Nikto?”
Security Guy: “Robot, where’s Dr. Smith?”
Robot: “Spending more quality time alone with Will Robinson. Like usual…”
Security Guy: “I didn’t know Dr. Smith was a priest…”
“It was one thing when the robot opened his front panel to recharge his batteries in an electrical socket. But when he started to grind his hips, people got offended and called security”.
Where does a five ton 25 foot tall robot sit?
Anywhere he wants to….
Uhhhh, Houston? We have a problem here.
“Yes, yes, it was I. I am the one who deleted two years’ worth of e-mail on IRS servers. Wanna do something about it, punk? You can always Hope[TM].”
South Beach will never be the same.
Teacher: “Tommy, I seriously doubt that Shakespeare ever wrote, “Mechagodzillia, why dost thou not laugh? I’m giving you an “F”.
Where is a Robocop when you need one?
That new TERMINATOR movie was pretty good until they gave Arnold Schwarzenegger some pretty bad catch phrases to match his older age. In one scene, he says, “Oh, my back”….. But, even worse after he destroys the robots, he shouts, “BTW, I’m also the Hair Club President”….
“Ahhlll be baahhk.” (in your worst Arnie Schwazenegger voice)
@PAUL HOOSON: Beat me to it.
@PAUL HOOSON: and funnier too.
I hear they’re bringing back those classic Robot Commando toys.Now, they’re even bigger than before and won’t even fit in your home….
Where do you buy batteries big enough to these robots?
Have you been eating coconuts again? Bad Robot, BAD!!!!
@PAUL HOOSON: Not Costco, Costcoconuts.
Wow. What did you eat to get so big?
I eat puny security men.
@OzarkHillbilly: I’m pretty good with bad impressions. I do Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ed Sullivan, Jimmy Carter, JFK & Bobbie Kennedy, Yogi Bear & Boo Boo, Goofy & Mickey Mouse and Walter Brennan, Popeye the sailor, along with a number of outrageous ethnic impressions. Blame my love for the Ed Sullivan Show for developing these useless skills….One of my worst comedy routines is JFK as a real annoying back seat driver in the motorcade. “Hey driver, are we going past the Texas Schoolbook Depository? I hear it’s a great place! Hey driver, you know what tourists say? Visit the Texas Schoolbook Depository! Hey driver, do you think they sell souvenir hats and balloons at the Texas Schoolbook Depository? Hey driver, you know what’s a great place here in town?….The Texas Schoolbook Depository! – This goes on for blocks, and the driver is becoming very annoyed. But, suddenly two loud noises ring out like a car backfiring and then it’s all quiet in the backseat. Then the driver throws up his hands, “Finally, some peace and quiet around here!”. – My other bad routine is Abraham Lincoln as a loud and rude guy. “Oh great! Who invited Booth? Who said, “Mr. Booth, come right on in! You seat is waiting!” Oh, do come right in Mr. Booth. We’ve been expecting you. You know only a minute ago I asked everyone, “Where is Booth? He’s late!”. Yeah, I really need this like I need a hole in my head!”
“Oh nuts….and bolts!”
Parking lot 17 B? I have a handicap placard!
This week, Rodney’s contest is just nuts….and bolts, screws, springs, hinges, etc…..
“What’s your robot’s name?”
A stupid guy tries to call off the robot: “Hey uh Klaatu, baloney sandwich, er, I mean barada, uh niktoe, uh nikto, uh, uh…”
After a stupid guy fails to stop the robot, only a smoldering pair of shoes were left after the heat ray beam….His name, Paul Hooson….
Robot Go Commando….
“I asked you not to show him that Queen NEWS OF THE WORLD record album! Now, look what you done!”
Hillary Clinton, a woman barely alive. “Gentlemen, we can rebuild her. We have the technology to make the world’s first bionic Presidential candidate. Hillary Clinton will be that woman. Better, stronger, faster than she was before.”
“I out-polled Eric Cantor, but no one knows about it!”
“Obamacare better cover oil changes or I’m gonna get mad!”
Someone call The Incredibles!!!
“More dilithium crystals, pronto!”
“I’ll have two drones sunny-side up, an order of Sidewinders & a glass of nitrous oxide, black.”
Obama prepares to go into budget negotiations with House Republicans.
Alex Rodriguez finds an apparent loophole in MLB’s latest rules on performance enhancement.
There are no small parts in a Michael Bay movie, just small actors.
Well, *I* feel more secure.
If anime stories are to be believed, this is every street corner in Tokyo.
“This is Casey Kasem here, and I have a letter from a robot. This robot writes, “Casey, what’s the only song ever on the charts to go up the charts, then down the charts, then to jump off the charts through my left sleeve and then through my right sleeve, then jump back on the charts again”. Well, it’s by a female artist who used to eat out of garbage cans…and it’s not Madonna. The answer when we come back….”
The battle between Iron Man and Irony Man was short. It was Iron Man’s worst loss, ironically.
I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.
The president unveiled his awesome new caddy at the Palm Springs golf course this weekend.
Megan Fox’s replacement in the Transformers movies: not as pretty, but more emotional range.
@Hal_10000: Personally, I think that’s a winner.
@Pinky: Damn Pinky, your on a roll.
“Sure, he looks lethal, but his greatest weapon is the ability to delete all Internet pornography.”
“BEHOLD THE OBAMATRON.” (think “Dogma”)
@Tillman: “Sure, he looks lethal, but his greatest weapon is the ability to delete all Internet pornography IRS E-mail.” 😉
I’m pretty good with bad impressions.
I’m stealing this line.
“Nope, that’s it. Game over, man, game over!“
“This is Casey Kasem here again. I have another letter from a robot. This robot writes, “Dear Casey, normally I like to go on a rampage and destroy everything in sight. But, on days off. I like to listen to your AMERICAN TOP 40 show”. Well, thank you Mr. robot. All I can say is keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for cigars…”
@OzarkHillbilly: Delete all IRS email, you cripple a nation. Delete all Internet porn, you cripple the world. 🙂
Please don’t kill me. Thanks, Mr. Roboto.
@Tillman: I own one of the largest strip clubs in Oregon as an outgrowth of my love for the men’s magazines I grew up with like JUGGS, GENT, MR. and others. Porn is great junk culture…And often, very funny as well…
Transformer: “Backstage pass? I don’t need no stinkin’ backstage pass!”
Transformer: “Whaddya mean- No shoes, no service?”
Transformer: Whaddya mean the elevator is out? I AM the elevator!”
“Casey Kasem here again. I have a letter from a listener here. “Dear Casey, I used to have a little dog named Snuggles. Well Snuggles was a real rascal even though he liked to poop up the house while I was at work. One day, a giant robot was terrorising the neighborhood, and little Snuggles barked at the robot and then suddenly ran outside right in front of the path of the giant robot. I ran outside to rescue little Snuggles who then ran back in the house, but the giant robot walked on my foot which hasn’t been the same since 39 foot surgeries…..Thanks a lot Snuggles who sat at the front door and wagged his tail as I limped home”.
“Recycle me now, damn it!”
“I’ll show you Optimus in his prime, Bitch!”
“I need an I.D.? No, I need a Nikey, so I don’t get your innards all over my foot. Now MOVE!”
Things got a little dicier after the Supreme Court found the Three Laws of Robotics to be unconstitutional.
@Pinky: All you have to ferrous, fear itself.
“Casey Kasem here again. I have a letter from a listen here. “Dear Casey, my name is Rodney Dill and I have a robot funny caption contest involving a giant robot and a security guard. You can’t see it, but the robot has tractor treads on his feet, because he’s a trans-farmer. Even worse, is when a farmer’ s wife leaves….She leaves a John Deare letter….Actually this robot is a female….Her name is Ann Droid….Hey, it’s really sad when a robot dies…..They rust in peace….Hey I got a million of them!”…..
Robot 1: “What do you think about the Kardashians?”
Robot 2: “I liked they’re episodes on the old STAR TREK…”
“It’s Zantac To The Rescue! …..What ? That robot name is already taken?”
President Obama responds to the looming Iraqi Isis crisis by sending military advisors.
Isis finds and seizes Saddam Hussein’s WMD Transformer (i.e. Protoculture) technology stockpile.
Backstage pass, please?
“Hey security boy! I hope you don’t have Anaphylaxis, bcuz yous abouts to bee tea bagged!!!”
OTB Caption Contest