Apple Cures AIDS, Cancer Coming Soon

I missed the recent report that Apple has announced a cure for AIDS and is on the verge of a major breakthrough on cancer:

Just a day after Microsoft founder Bill Gates said he would begin stepping back from day-to-day operations at the software giant to focus on his philanthropic work, Apple CEO Steve Jobs told a spellbound crowd that he had developed the cure for AIDS, and expects to ship the cure for cancer in the fourth quarter of 2006. Mr. Jobs said his AIDS cure is “fast, easy to use and comes in a cool white package that’s so hip people will want to wear it.”

Critics, however, immediately noted that Apple’s iDose HIV-buster medication is expensive, and won’t work at all if the patient is taking any other drug by another manufacturer, even Tylenol. Patients using iDose will also have to buy a new drinking glass and special water made only by Apple in order to swallow the medicine. Physicians won’t be able to prescribe the drug, since it will be available only through, and from iDose stores in four major cities nationwide. [Source]

Wow. I predict that Gates will produce a similar drug that has annoying side effects which will come bundled with the next version of Windows.

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James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor and Department Head of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm veteran. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.


  1. Yeah, well just wait until Larry Ellison notices he’s been upstaged.

  2. Dave Schuler says:

    Nah. But it will take at least three versions before Microsoft’s version cures more people than it kills.

  3. B. Minich, PI says:

    I think you forgot the link to Scrappleface. 😉

    I love the Scrappleface podcast – its audio news! From the cutting edge of newscasting!

  4. James Joyner says:

    It’s there as [Source] at end of the blockquote

  5. leelu says:

    …and giving a horrible new meaning to the ‘Blue
    Screen of Death.’

  6. I think Dave summed it up perfectly. With all the faults of Apple, they are still got to working systems way ahead of Microsoft.