Best. News Article. Ever.

Via several sources on Twitter

Update: As noted in the comments, Snopes says that the final paragraph may be untrue. But, I think it’s the fact that it could be true that it gets a chuckle.

 

FILED UNDER: Quick Takes
Doug Mataconis
About Doug Mataconis
Doug Mataconis held a B.A. in Political Science from Rutgers University and J.D. from George Mason University School of Law. He joined the staff of OTB in May 2010 and contributed a staggering 16,483 posts before his retirement in January 2020. He passed for too young in July 2021.

Comments

  1. mantis says:

    That was….quite a fall. Good work, Marines.

  2. Jay Tea says:
  3. Paul Hsieh says:

    According to Snopes, the last paragraph may be fictional:
    http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/stabbedmarine.asp

  4. Franklin says:

    This irritates me. There’s a different threshold for funniness depending on whether something is real or not. You can’t cheat and pretend something is real to get a laugh.

  5. Greg says:

    When I first saw this, someone noticed that whoever faked it also decided to make the perp’s name blacker.

  6. mantis says:

    Oh well. Damn you internet!

    When I first saw this, someone noticed that whoever faked it also decided to make the perp’s name blacker.

    Damn, that’s true. Disturbing that I’m not at all surprised.

  7. TG Chicago says:

    A racist fake story sure is hilarious.

    While I don’t have a great deal of sympathy for a knife-wielding robber, I also don’t find much humor in the idea that a guy was detained then bludgeoned, breaking bones all over his body.

    If this story was true as presented, why is there so much glee around the idea that the Marines beat him to a pulp? Is that the system of justice you want in America?

  8. TG Chicago says:

    Adding: the way the actual Marines handled the actual situation was great. Not sure why people are more excited about the grotesque fictional mauling than they are about the real excellent work done by good citizens.

  9. mantis says:

    Lighten up, Francis.

  10. TG Chicago says:

    I know it was disappointing for you to learn that the Marines acted responsibly rather than dealing out a vicious beating. But surely you can agree that it’s best that we leave the punishment of criminals to the justice system rather than doling it out vigilante style.

  11. mantis says:

    TG,

    A) Beating the crap out of someone who attacks you with a knife is not vigilante justice, it’s self-defense.

    B) Lighten up, Francis.

  12. TG Chicago says:

    Beating the crap out of someone who attacks you with a knife is not vigilante justice, it’s self-defense.

    Nope. In real life Marines were able to subdue the guy without beating him to a bloody, broken pulp.

    The conceit of the fake article is that he was beaten unnecessarily, that the Marines bludgeoned him beyond the point needed to bring him to justice. That’s the whole point of the winking “he fell down” bit. If he had been hurt in a legitimate effort of self-defense, there would be no need for the “slip and fall” cover story.

    One only finds the fake story entertaining if one yearns for vicious vigilante justice. It’s actually a good litmus test in that sense.

    (and again, kudos to the actual Marines for passing the test)

  13. Tlaloc says:

    sorry not even close to the news story about Qatar giving up using midget jockeys for their camel races in favor of freaking robots.

    Yes robots riding camels vs midgets riding camels. In Qatar.

    That story had everything.

  14. Tlaloc says:
  15. Franklin says:

    Nope. In real life Marines were able to subdue the guy without beating him to a bloody, broken pulp.

    Sure it’s great that the Marines showed restraint, and with four trained servicemen perhaps it was relatively easy to subdue the perp.

    But I’m telling you, if somebody stabs me, I’m well within my rights to do anything I need to to prevent further injury to myself or anyone else in the vicinity. If that includes beating someone until they stop getting up, so be it.

  16. Franklin says:

    Note: some people on drugs have been known to be difficult to restrain or subdue.

  17. TG Chicago says:

    Again, the conceit of the story is that he was beaten punitively. There’s no reason to include the “slip and fall” cover story if the injuries had been sustained in the course of legitimate (and legal) self-defense efforts.