Monday, June 4, 2007
Time for Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced Thursday PM
…and this is the gun Hillary used to kill Vince Foster?
Listen, like Rummy said, you go to war with what you have! Got it?
Bush inspects his new modernized border patrol.
I thought you were dead?
“And you’ve been living in the shadows for how long?”
President Bush unveils the new new new new plan for Iraq.
“Have you seen my poll numbers? Of course I want to get in your time machine and do a few things differently!”
Discarding the old “Shock and Awe” campaign, the new new new new Iraq plan intends to “Confuse and Befuddle” the insurgents.
No, senor Bush, I will not be this “war czar” you speak of.
“You mean I’m supposed to give a tip to the captain of the firing squad beforehand?”
“Cheney again, Sir. Nobody hurt. We’ll just keep it hush hush.”
“We’re an empire now, and when you’re an empire, you have to wear fancy armor.”
“The War Czar’s idea. Secret was getting in the way of Service.”
Bruce, from Save-Mart, explains how his boom-stick works to a misunderestimated shopper
“The worst part of this job is little kids sneaking up behind you with refrigerator magnets.”
A woman actually married you?
“Fine then, I’m the Tinman, but only if you’re the Scarecrow.”
Weekend soldier meets weekend commander-in-chief.
Oh My God, he did mean a ‘crusade’!
Bush: Who are you ‘sposed to be, that Donkey Hoety fellah?
“I’m the commander guy, not you! Now give me the friggin’ helmet!”.
1) Hispanola Captain, “New-Clee-Ur, say it with me New-Clee-Ur”.
2) I spy with my little eye, your sinking pole numbers.
3) The Secret Service’s new service sidearm after Democratic budget cuts. (To be changed in 2009, obviously)
1. No, the helmet does not hide a cone.
2. Well, we had these old deuce and a halfs lying around…
3. Since al Queda wants to drag us back to the Middle Ages, we thought we’d prepare for the eventuality, while maintaining some sort of technological advantage.
4. Don’t poke, sir. It’s a bitch gettng dents out of this stuff.
5. Accuracy sucks, but you should see the potatoes fly.
6. No Mr. President, bleach will not get the gray out.
“Honest! It really IS a flute Mr. President.Just put your mouth here, and pull the ‘note trigger’…” After their smashing successes with JFK and MLK, the CIA enlists the help of Darwin while going for the hat trick.
“Hey…Cortez,if I slip you a C note, could you ‘knee-cap’ that strolling minstrel faggot? The agency promised he’d be merry AND mirthful, but I aint feelin’ it,you know what I mean?”
“I’m gonna pray for you son.I don’t think He made you to be a ‘Nancyboy’ in a silly costume.Not that it doesn’t look good on YOU though.” (W rolls his eyes) “Whew!”
I think the SURGE will work this time, just give us another 6 months.
The years of training. The security clearances. The plastic surgery. The grafted blue irises. HIS ONE BIG SHOT AT A GUARANTEED TRIP TO PARADISE! And Ahmed accidentally brought his sons’ replica cap gun.
Well, I expected better security than this at a G-8 summit.
“Oh my God! Yer tellin’ me that my ancestors intenshally wrapped injuns in small-pox infested blankets !?! Now I KNOW I’m doin’ right with this whole amnisty thing!”
Fighting the Reconquista any way you can.
So you rushed in and slaughtered some of them, captured their leader, I get that, but what did you do next?
1. So first there was this blinding light, and then the indian settlement you were scouting out for de Soto was replaced by Atlanta.
2. When sending somebody back in time it’s a good idea to adjust the settings for the shorter day back then.
3. I don’t think this is going to catch on as exercise wear.
4. Mom wasn’t really into getting my favorite shirt bronzed.
“Phil Spector says she held the gun like this. I asked OJ and he said, ‘I simply predict. They will convict.'”
“Here. This must be yours. Its only half-cocked.”
HernÃ¡n CortÃ©s released his hostage when he discovered that, unlike Moctezuma, no one was willing to pay to get Bush back.
“It is true that I am a painfully out of date anachronism responsible for the death of many in an imperial war of aggrandizement, but at least I can pronounce ‘nuclear’ properly, and I don’t even know what it means.”
“So what’s up with the outfit Karl?”
George Bush and HernÃ¡n CortÃ©s swap stories about the jobs Americans/Mesoamericans won’t do.
Sooo, you want me to conquer Mexico again?
Gracias, for third place last week – Elliot
“We have so much in common, El Presidente. I burned my ships, you burned your bridges. I want Mexicans working for my country, you want Mexicans working for your country. I deposed a ruler of another country halfway around the world with phenomenally few casualties, you deposed a ruler of another country halfway around the world with phenomenally few casualties. I speak Spanish, you speak Spanish. Fortunately for you, however, body armor and contemporary men’s attire have gotten noticeably easier to wear in the last 500 years.”
“Mr. President, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is so ovah. Us flames are out of the bunker!”
At least Bush’s debate with Don Cortes was more lively then the Democratic Debate in New Hampshire.
“Talcum Powder, Sir.”
“I’m Sancho who, Mr. Keehotee?”
“Yes Mr. President, it’s true. If you buy one of these hats you do get a free bowl of soup.”
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