Thursday, August 18, 2005
Time for the Thursday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced Monday PM
Ted Turner’s one-ups ex-wife Jane’s vegetable oil powered bus by taking his anti-war rally to the high seas using a combination of wind power and former buyers of Jane’s workout tapes.
While continuing to refuse to put Hamas on the list, Kofi Annan has now added Vikings, once thought to be extint, to the United Nations Terrorist List.
Whats in your wallet!?
An ancient group of warrior/explorers searches for NCAA headquarters. Leader Leif Unitis says, “Disrespect us and die!”
Lt. Smash warned that the enemy would be using unconventional vessels to probe the defensive perimeter during the humanitarian mission to Mabel.
The Vikking raiding party took a bit longer to get to New York than originally planned.
NYC women stampede to the docks!
“Those were certainly strong headwinds, Leif. It seems as if we’ve been rowing for a thousand years.” “Aye, Olaf, but now I am puzzled by the strange square hills of this land.”
“Minnesota? It’s three fjords to the left, cross the ocean, just up the Seaway. Can’t miss it.”
“Um, Captain, why is there a trail of popcicle sticks floating behind us?”
People now fearful of flying have been lured to travel by Popsicle Stick boat.
Faced with budget cuts, the Coast Guard experiments with outsourcing.
“Arrrr, you sure we can take this town?”
“Arrr, Of course…its filled with liberals, all they know how to use is harsh langauge…And maybe Espressos.”
“Arrr, Sept 19th!! Not August 19th!!”
“United States out of Iceland!”
Anyone see The Final Countdown? The sequel with Vikings went straigh to video.
After losing Cathy Lee Gifford as its spokes-celebrity, Carnival Cruise Lines fell on hard times.
In the interests of intra-OTB amity, let me record the only occasion thus far when Fersboo’s mind and my own went in exactly the same direction.
Angles, Saxons, Jutes and even Normans (a corruption of Norsemen) were being expelled from England as Blair continued his crackdown on foreigners who advocate or utilize violence to achieve their goals.
MAY 8, 2009, President Hillary Clinton, in order to fund her new universal healthcare program, announces the new flagship of the U.S. Navy, the U.S.S. Bill Clinton. As an appeasement to environmental groups, all new naval vessels will be wind powered, nuclear and diesel powered vessels will be scrapped.
With $800,000 worth of gold coins on board, the heat closing in, and utterly desperate, Evan Cohen makes a wild run for the high seas in Al Franken’s stolen yacht, the “U.S.S. Mr. MaGoo.”
After the NCAA banned all “bellicose mascots,” the world’s last remaining vikings set off for one last raping and pillaging session, for old times’ sake.
Greenpeace thought they had stumbled upon something wonderful with their new ship powered by wind and Norsemen. They were pleased right up to the point where they found the Norsemen were equally at ease with clubbing baby seals as they were with rowing.
John Kerry: Did I mention I was also a hero in the Viking wars?
As former President Bill Clinton stood on the bow of his Viking yacht searching for Ted Kennedy swimming from his sunken Oldsmobile, he was heard to say, “Ted the girls are easier to handle in your office!”
Stop reading the stupid jokes and row!
Faster! Faster! I can see the good ship Lollypop just ahead!
And during the raid, don’t forget to hit the supermarkets and take all their popsicles, we need to repair a hole aft.
Harold Hardrada sits quietly sobbing in Valhalla with has buried his face in his hands, as Eric the Red rages in anger — “Popsicle sticks!”
Grendel was first alerted by the smell of artificial banana flavoring that was trailing the ship.
Spam, spam, spam, spam! Spam! Wonderful spam! Spam!
Of COURSE they’re not rowing very fast… They’re TIRED… we’ve been towing three water-skiers the whole bloody way….
* Don Knotts and Tim Conway star in `The Reluctant Viking’!
* (Travel Poster) Sail the Seas! See the world! Plunder the lands! Be a REAL he-man! Be a Viking!
* Viking Philharmonic Orchestra arrives in America for it’s annual tour. The group is reported to have the world’s largest horn section.
* Now remember, everyone… This time, it’s rape, Loot, THEN pillage, ok? I’m not going though this again!
* And this time, remember where we docked it!
Leif Erikson lied, people died!
It was announced this week that China had purchased a mothballed former Soviet aircraft carrier to be refitted for their fleet. Whatever they paid it looks like Putin made out like a bandit.
Alec Baldwin, finally making good on his pledge to leave the country if Dubya is re-elected, found an ecologically appropriate transport.
My name is John Kerry, and I wanted to be your President !
Otto, this is NOT Kansas
This contest is an outrage. Has anyone bothered to ask Cindy Sheehan how she feels about a viking ship made of wood ice cream sticks?
You asked what happens to Navy budgets when Democrats come to power?
Row, row, row your longboat,
Gently up the Zuider Zee,
Merrily, merrily merrily, merrily,
Life is but a series of raids, with the concomitant pillaging, rape, slaughter, burning and more rape, followed by centuries of historical analysis, culminating in the inevitable use of your likeness and reputation by a group of overpaid tight-pants-wearing pigskin tossers. Which seems more like a nightmare than an actual dream.
Water, water, every where,
And all the sticks did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any pops to drink.
Call me Olafshmael.
But this time, the book of Kells is, in fact, quite safe.
Waterworld II was made on a significantly smaller budget.
Damn the Dream Bars, full spead ahead!
The Battle of Jutland as reenacted by the Ladies Auxiliary of Weston-Super-Mare.
Ragnar Danneskjold holds fast to his Randian principles as he continues his lonely quest for John Galt.
On we sweep with threshing oar
Our only goal will be the western shore.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. — Led Zeppelin
Yes, I am a pirate, two hundred years too late.
The cannons donÃ¢Â€Â™t thunder, thereÃ¢Â€Â™s nothinÃ¢Â€Â™ to plunder,
IÃ¢Â€Â™m an over-forty victim of fate,
Arriving too late, arriving too late. — Jimmy Buffett
The mystery masked man was smart
He got himself a Tonto
‘Cause Tonto did the dirty work for free
But Tonto he was smarter
And one day said kemo sabe
Kiss my ass I bought a boat
I’m going out to sea
And if I had a boat
I’d go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I’d ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat — Lyle Lovett
So, Olaf, I ask Helga what she wants for her birthday and where to get it and she tells us to Sack Fifth Avenue. At least that’s what I thought she said. That wench can nag! Got another Lutefiscicle?
First Viking: “Been to New York before?”
Second Viking: “No, you?”
First Viking: “Yeah. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”
Second Viking: “Why?”
First Viking: “Well, the robbing sounds attractive until you actually get going. Then you start to notice all the competition. Especially in Central Park at night.”
Second Viking: “Really.”
First Viking: “Yeah, but the pillaging is actually okay. This is a great place for a first-class pillaging experience. You just have to pick the right neighborhood.”
Second Viking: “What about the raping?”
First Viking: “Just don’t go there. You’ll understand when you see the women.”
The last remnants of the Taliban Navy, pictured here, were put out of their misery moments later during a fool-hearty assault on the USS New York.
When I was in college, the Homecoming theme was “Comic Strips.” The Medieval Guild (of which I was a part) chose, naturally, “Hagar The Horrible.” I was a galley slave on their boat, and our leader (Dan The Barbarian, in full Hagar regalia) led us in song. I still recall some of the lyrics, and they seem especially fit for this contest:
“Oh, I come from Scandanavia with my helm upon my head,
And I won’t be going home again ’till all of you are dead!
I’m a Viking! For that’s the thing to be!
There’s no greater joy than fighting for a berserker like me!”
“Pillage and rape and loot and burn, but all in moderation.
If you do these things we say, you’ll soon rule all the nations.
Kill all your foes and enemies, then all of your relations!
Pillage and rape and loot and burn, but all in moderation!”
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Caption Contest Winners
Peter Jennings Dies of Lung Cancer, Aged 67
Fear of a Black Spider-Man