Thursday, January 3, 2008
Time for the Thursday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced Monday PM
Hillary continues her famed listening tour causing NOW to drop their support for conduct unbecoming a liberal woman.
“This…could be THE biggest vote of your lifetime. People around the world will take note on this vote. You should REALLY think hard about who will get your first and second vote. Should you choose incorrectly I will personally come to your house AND EAT YOUR G*DAMNED EYEBALLS OUT…DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME B!TCH!!!!!!!!”
“I just couldn’t bring myself to vote for yer Senator Clinton… I think we need some good old homespun Arkansan or Midwestern wisdom more than some hoity toity New York Lawyer.”
Having previously announced that she won’t answer questions at her meetings, Hillary attempts to communicate using the Vulcan mind meld method.
(let’s listen in now as the savvy campaigner makes her last moves in Iowa): “And who do you think really under that dark skin of his, dearie, hmmmmmm? I don’t know, maybe, SATAN!?” *Thundercrash*
MONICA LEWINSKY HERE? RIGHT BEHIND ME?……
Winning the hearts and minds of Iowans, one act of initmidation at a time.
The would-be Grunter-in-Chief.
Hillary in Iower, trying to prove she’s Just Like Them.
“I’m sorry Senator if it was a long bus ride… but you can’t cut ahead of me in the restroom line…”
Your are getting sleepy, very sleepy. You are now under my control. At the snap of my fingers you will vote for Hillary. One,Two,Three…..
Look into my Lazy eye…….
“The Votes Are In And The Eyes Have It!”
“…uh, no…NO the former President DOES NOT STILL HAVE CIGARS AROUND THE HOUSE…thank you very much”
Trying for a new ‘friendly’ persona, the Carpetbagger Junior Senator from New York channels Wile E. Cayote in search of the ever elusive Presidency Road Runner.
Hillary’s thought: (Damn, it looked so natural when Bill did this.)
“ET phone home.”
Just another weathered liberal.
Aliens v Predator III: The Queen’s Revenge.
I always told you she was full of sh*t.
Hillary is told that tonight was Bill’s annual conjugal visit.
Handlers blamed defective Chinese semiconductors for the intermixing of ‘happy’ and ‘amazed’ on the same face.
You know, I might just vote for her to get four years worth of pictures like this.
Hillary discovers what the ‘Rocky mountain oysters’ she just ate are made from.
While yes it does help shrink swelling of hemorrhoidal tissue, there can be some side effects.
Why Hillary’s national health plan includes a mental health component.
You have to watch the next part in slow motion, but her tongue shoots out and licks the Obama sticker off the ladies sweater.
And we thought Christopher Walken looked scary.
Must… resist… looking… at… her… camel… toe…
Hoping to outdo Medusa, Hillary turns onlooker into stone without snake-hair.
Hillary hears first reports of Ron Paul’s amorous intentions toward her.
Spending $200 per vote in Iowa…required
Braving the cold to caucus….necessity
Old lady asking Sen Clinton “didn’t you think that thong made Monika’s butt look big?”…priceless
“Must… resist… looking… at… her… camel… toe…”
DUUUUDE!!!…over the line, WAY over.
1) Hillary: must resist, urge, to, pop, that zip. She’s a prospective voter damnit!
2) Hillary proves that you can drink too much caffinee during these bus tours.
3) **bbrrrrpppppp** (hey what do you know, she can let something out of her ass)
Mad eye, moody…
Hillary channels her inner Marty Feldman to cope with the unbearable inanity of running for president.
Well, there goes the opthamologic vote.
“Hazel? Oh my, no. Even though I had to clean up for Mr. B, my name is Hillary.”
Hillary belatedly pays the price for turning a blind eye to Bill’s misdeeds for so long.
And here I thought it was Bill that had the wandering eye…
“Yeah? Well, can Barack Obama do this?”
Like Bush 41, Hillary struggles with “the vision thing.”
Hillary aptly demonstrates why Democrats focus on 20/20 hindsight.
Onlooker asks Hillary if Keith Olberman is a serious news reporter.
If you hold a sneeze in, your eyes can pop out.
What’s worse if you hold a cackle in, your eyes can pop out.
* No wonder people tell Her she’s full of it. She looks like she’s been constipated for the last month.
* Hillary does her Scrat imitation.
* I can’t handle the pressure? * I *can’t *handle * the *pressure?
Onlooker: “Look out she’s gonna blow!”
Bill: “Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it.”
As fatigue sets in down the stretch in Iowa, Hillary keeps her eyes crossed and makes finger contact with each potential voter she encounters.
Tonight at the Des Moines Multiplex-10:
Night of the Iguana
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood
I Am Legend
Little Miss Sunshine
Paths of Glory
Touch of Evil
Reign Over You
“An eye for an aye?”
* Stoned? Why, no, I’m not stoned. Why do you ask?
* Clinton Medical Dictionary: CAUTERIZE: MADE EYE CONTACT WITH HER.
* Egad… How much coffee can she DRINK, anyway?
* Hillary can mimic anything to get elected. A Potato, for instance.
* “Oooooh there’s a fire in her eyes for you.”
* Well, she’s good for parts, anyway. Look, her eyes come out, real easy.
*Hillary right after getting one more cookie recipe to “keep her man happy and at home” and right before her head imploded.
*No, I did NOT know it was legal to marry a pig in Iowa during a leap year…
*Lady, if you don’t get out of my face RIGHT NOW? I am about five seconds away from turning my designer necklace into a garote!
*You’re KIDDING! I’m STILL in Iowa?!
*Obama rubbed your bunions? (RELUCTANTLY) Okay…take your damned shoes off.
Damn I think I took a handful of Ex-lax instead of vitamins….
Having been raised not to talk with her mouth full, Hillary! was unable to tell the frantic voter that she had just eaten her children.
Old milk shake: “MM..Mrs Clinton, third place in Iowa is a kiss of death. Can you fire up the troops for New Hampshire?”
Clinton: “f-f-FIRE?, I’M A MUSHROOM CLOUD LAYIN’ MUTHERF*CKER mutherf*cker, I’M THE GUNS OF THE NAVARONE!!!!”
Old millk shake: The Navarone? Erm, you do know how that novel ended, right?
“Old millk shake: The Navarone? Erm, you do know how that novel ended, right?”
Think Pulp Fiction.
(Since we’re going to get all Pulp Fictiony…)
Thinking… “The truth is you’re the weak. And I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m tryin’, Ringo. I’m tryin’ real hard to be a shepherd.”
It’s MY PARTY! And, I’ll cry if I want to.
Hillary learning that the Chelsea/Mary Cheney rumors seem to have been confirmed.
In an effort to be the candidate of change, Senator Clinton practiced hypnosis on audiences departing the Oprah Show.
I don’t know who you are, but here’s a funny joke I heard in the office today:
“Bill Clinton, an Intern and a box of……”
Who would be a poor man, a beggarman, a thief – if he had a rich man in his hand?
And who would steal the candy from a laughing baby’s mouth if he could take it from the money man?
Cross-eyed Hillary goes jumping in again.
She signs no contract but she always plays the game.
Dines in Chautauqua village on expense accounted gruel,
But Barack Obama is taking her to school.
Laughing in the playground – gets no kicks from little boys (Ed: read John Edwards); would rather make it with a letching grey (Ed: read Bill Clinton).
Or maybe her attention is drawn by Richardson, who watches through the railings as they play.
Cross-eyed Hillary finds it hard to get along.
She’s a poor man’s rich girl and she’ll do it for a song.
She’s a rich man stealer but her favor’s good and strong;
She’s the Robin Hood of the Upper West Side – helps the poor man get along.
— with apologies to (Ian) Anderson
The face that launched a thousand SCHIPs.
“I’m ready for my closeup Mr. DeMille.”
That thing about the eye of a hurricane being calm, well, fuhgetaboutit.
So if you’re down on your luck and you can’t harmonize,
Find a girl with far away eyes.
And if you’re downright disgusted and life ain’t worth a dime,
Get a girl with far away eyes.
— with apologies to K. Richards/M. Jagger
Hillary: “Oh no. That suppository is kicking in. Look interested. Look interested. Oh, crap!”
“Hillary, How’s the crow taste?”
“Mmmm Mmmm Mmmmm”
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