Monday, December 19, 2005
Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be announced Thursday PM
The Mail-Order Brides for Elves Program was perceived by Santa as meeting the needs of a significant portion of his work force temporarily layed-off in the post-Christmas season.
“Talk to your doctor about Kringlon. Serious side effects include severe hallucinations, intestinal discomfort, tintinitis…”
* And they wonder why so many kids are frightened of Santa…
* Eat me! Drink Me! Smoke Me!
* Rolf the Dog’s new wife, and the guy who married them
* The role of the Cigarette Girl has changed over the years. She now sells Puppies and rabbits to smoke. And the bar’s patrons? Well, see for yourself.
All I want for Christmas is a ma-ma-san…..
Rudolph’s job is to procure. And Santa, genetically related to Bill Clinton, always delighted in demonstrating his greatest gift.
“Dear Santa: Thank you for the wonderful present you left under my tree. But why did you hide her under all those damn stuffed animals?”
Had to be said
“HoHoHo…wanna play with my toys little girl?”
The latest relaunch of Pajamas Media still failed to impress.
I leave my aluminum foil hat off for five whole freakin’ minutes …. and what happens? You guys monitor my thoughts and fantasies. It’s my business and no one elses. You people make it look like there is something wrong with an Asian hooker and a guy dressed up as Santa, and one as Rudolph.
Andrew Sullivan awoke and found all of his wishes had come true…minus the hot asian chick of course.
Well that certainly put the Christ back in Christmas.
Rudolph had a hard time adjusting when he met Santa’s newest flame after the divorce.
WHAT THEY ARE THINKING
Santa: Mrs. Claus will never find out about me and the elf.
Elf: Santa won’t ever find out about me and Mrs. Claus.
Rudolph: Santa won’t ever find out about me and these teddy bears.
Democrats, still struggling with generating a unified message, reveal their latest talking point: “Puppies…we love puppies.”
Santa and Rudolph were excited by the prospects of working with the new Vixen.
PATRICK FITZGERALD (in Santa suit): Rove, this had better work, or you are so indicted.
KARL ROVE (as Rudolph): I’m telling ya, Libby’s got this thing for Asian chicks and bears! He’ll sing like a canary!
Santa had always been a great admirer of Director Woody Allen.
The low budget version of The Chronicles of Narnia really sucked.
Jeebus, where are Lock, Shock and Barrel when you really need them?
The Night the Reindeer Died: 2
A Christmas Whorey.
As Velvet Jones once said, “Think ho ho ho, start you’re New Year with a bang!”
Grammatically correct version: As Velvet Jones once said, “Think ho ho ho, start your New Year with a bang.”
Miracle on 7th Avenue.
It’s a Londerful Wife.
“Live from the WTO: WTF? Over.”
If Bob asks me if I’ve ever been to Lapland again, I’m gonna belt him — glasses or not.
A Christmas Bob and Carole and Ted and, hey, where’s Alice?
CSI: North Pole
Slouching Belly of Jelly, Hidden Yule Log.
Rudolph with you nose so bright,
won’t you guide my lay tonight?
Santa is always good for a ho.
“He knows if you’ve been groping…”
“Well Dorothy, I guess we’re not in San Fran anymore.”
At a North Pole press conference, Santa and his supporters come out on the offensive against his Democratic detractors. Santa adamantly defended as “perfectly legal” his use of unauthorized wiretaps to find out if children have been naughty or nice. He then accused the Democrats of using the issue to further their efforts to remove Christmas from the holiday season. Santa went on to say: “You have to understand, if Santa isn’t allowed to find out who’s naughty or nice, then the evildoers won’t recieve the coal and sticks they deserve, and this endangers the security of Christmas for everyone”
Miss China, convinced by her manager to turn down Vogue, is rethinking her agent’s future.
Also, a G-rated, warm an’ fuzzy, kitty friendly caption contest is up at Bloggin’ Outloud.
The proximity to his new helper made Santa’s stuffed toys stand at attention
“Congratulations Rodney! Behind door number 3 is your Reindeer-Geisha-Santa fantasy.”
Thanks INgress, but I was hoping for the Sumo-Paris Hilton-EasterBunny fantasy behind Door number 2.
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