Monday, March 27, 2006
Time for the Monday OTB Caption ContestTM
Winners will be ordained Thurdays PM
Special Hair Growing Cap Only Works A Third Of The Time.
…and here we have the Catholic Church’s entry in the synchronized “I’m a Little Teapot” competition, which is slated to be an exhibition sport at the summer Olympics…
Three little maids from school are we,
Pert as a school-girl well can be,
Filled to the brim with girlish glee,
Three little maids from school!
(Apologies to G*d and Gilbert and Sullivan)
Totally bored with the homily The Cardinals play their improvised version of “Duck, duck, goose”.
Sticky red beanies prove Bryl Cream and Holy Water don’t mix.
“Oh, Mammy, howIloveya howIlovya…”
I hate performance art. I just never seem to get it.
“And in an attempt to recruit more young men into the preisthood, the Pope has just announced the formation of the Blue Man Archdiocese…”
(together)…”and that ain’t aaaaaaaallllllllll….”
And Jorge Savino is the next Cardinal eliminated in the College’s “Survivor: The Vatican” for erring in protocol by taking his beanie off while reading the Latin liturgy.
“From out of the woodwork come thousands of people claiming to be graduates of George Mason University.”
I got hair, you no got hair.
“Simon says read your book. Simon says put your hand on your head. Take your hat off. AH-HA! You’re out, Father O’Malley – I didn’t say ‘Simon Says’!”
We…..represent the Papal guild, the Papal guild and we like to welcome you to the Holy land!
Representatives of the Vatican illustrate their opposition to cap-ital punishment.
When praying for Bill Clinton, one cardinal is never enough.
Okay, now follow the pea…
In order to attract newer, hipper cardinals, the Catholic Church has relaxed it’s rules on wearing zucchettos backwards.
(for Stooge fans)
Left Cardinal: “Hellooooooo”
Center Cardinal (one octave higher): “Hellooooooo”
Right Cardinal (one more octave higher): “Hellooooooo”
All Three: “Hello!”
In unison: “I could’a had a V8!”
American Idol Group winners, The Cardinals, give their boffo performance of I’m A Little Teapot.
Swinging Belleville rendezvous
Marathon dancing, dop-de-doo…
Yea and God said unto them….”How do you like dem apples”….
At Target Greatland in Vatican City, the “Pauper Poper Pooper”, retail $74.95, was divinely prosperous.
Oh, we’re the boys of the chorus
We hope you like our show
We know you’re rooting for us
But now we have to goooooooooooo…
“Ladies and gentlemen, how about a nice warm welcome for the Vatican City Synchronized Beanie Drill Team, the newest entrant in this year’s Burbank Doo-Dah Parade!”
“St. Louis Bullpen Showing Their Age.”
You put your red hat in
You pull your red hat out
You put your red hat in
And you shake it all about…
SAT question #163: Which one is different?
A) Itching powder? D*mn altar boys!
B) CUT! For the last guys time it’s see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. It’s right there in the script.
C) How do you do. No, how do you do. No …. how do you do (nyuk, nyuk).
D) It says here: insert beanie a) on head b). But I can’t figure out the diagram, how are you guys doing?
It was at that point that they all shuffled on to the Buffalo Archdiocesse.
(all reading instruction in their book)
12. Take your hat off.
13. Laugh-out-loud at something funny you’ve seen. (3 old men laughing heard)
14. Attempt to fart (3 beet-red faces seen)
15. Swear out loud. (3 Irish men cursing heard, and quite a few nuns blushing uncontrollably at hearing it)
16. Close the book and sign your name on the back cover and don’t do steps 2-15.
Instruction #1. Read all directions thoughly before doing anything.
God? Why couldn’t that artist of done that Brittany Spears artwork on this rung instead of that bear-skin. Minus the baby of course.
The winner of The Jack Anderson-As-A-Cardinal Lookalike Contest was entry number three.
It was a bit surprising to see where Dick (Is That A Gun In Your Pocket?) Cheney had been hiding.
“Ok, here’s the concept… after the phone rings, the host will say deal or no deal while 50 completely dressed old geezers randomly reveal biblical passages … whaddaya think? whaddaya think?”
Strip poker, Vatican style…
Still reeling financially from numerous child molestation lawsuits, Cardinals raise church funds by scamming tourists with a unique version of three card monty on the streets of Vatican City.
Three Cardinal monte still gets the tourists at St. Peter’s every friggin’ time.
Just another day of target practice at the Cheney Ranch…
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