Monday, September 13, 2004
Time for another OTB Caption ContestTM:
I. Did not. Eat. Cheeseburgers. At that. Restaurant. McDonalds.
Nobody told me Kool-Aid is mostly sugar!!!!!!
Mr Gore, who failed as a politician, is attempting a second carreer… He’s trying to make in in the field of acting. Here, Mr. Gore is trying out for the part of Atticus Finch, from “To Kill a Mockingbird”.
Mr Gore has put on 40 lbs to play the role, but has somehow neglected that Atticus Finch wore glasses.
I BETRAYED THIS COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!
“You know, I invented McDonald’s Cheeseburgers.”
1. “Hey you! Waiter! Get that platter of donuts over here pronto!”
2. “I’ve put my credibility in a lockbox.”
3. An exclusive still from the still-in-production movie “Moonbat”, with Stephen Root in the role of Al Gore.
“Go ahead. Pull my finger.”
“I’m not going to pay a lot for that muffler!”
Hey, where are you guys going with your television cameras I’m not done yet!
In the end Kirstie Alley gave up on the weight problem, became a man, and had a fairly successful career on the comedy circuit as an Al Gore impersonator.
It’s the donuts, stupid.
I’m drunk, pissed off, and I have a gun!
Forget “Earth in the balance”, I’m having trouble balancing myself.
Al Gore’s demon possession has not worked out as well as he had hoped . . .
Political Outkast 2004
I know you’d like to think your shit don’t stank
But lean a little bit closer, see
Roses really smell like POO-POO-OO
Yeah, roses really smell like POO-POO-OO
With his last ounce of integrity balanced precipitously on the tip of his finger, Al Gore launches a hefty attack on President Bush and his bald faced lies.
Funnier if you’d said:
“I’m not gonna pay a lot for that MUFFIN”
Mr. Gore: Therefore, if a Republican weighs more that a duck, he must be …. ?
Crowd: (hesitation) A witch!! Burn him!!
“And if I live long enough to claim it, I will NOT let evil Republicans steal my Social Security check!”
(Lame caption, but, yikes, doesn’t Gore look old in this picture? Looks like a three-way “composite morph” of Al Gore, Ted Kennedy, and Robert Byrd or something.
If you fucking beat this prick long enough, he’ll tell you he started the goddamn Chicago fire, now that don’t necessarily make it fucking so!
“I invented nervous breakdowns”!!!
“Harvey Fierstein, Disgusted with Bush, Threatens to Get Medieval on All Our Asses.”
Al Gore delivers another vicious diatribe against George Bush, fulfilling his role as elder hatesman of the Democrat party.
Al Gore was declared a Category Five Blowhard this morning…
Question: If a washed-up political has-been screams incoherently at a fund-raiser, does anyone else hear him?
Quote: “BEEFCAKE! BEEEEEFFCAAAAAAAKE!”
SLOTH LUV CHUNK!
“George Bush stole my donuts! And I am very angry!”
Al Gore takes the role of Dr. Emiliano Lizardo in the new tony award winning ‘BUCKAROO BANZAI- THE MUSICAL !” to a whole new level.
AL: “Character is-a what-a you are inna da dark, cursed is your soul and-a damned is-a your life…”
AL: “Where are we going”
Lectroid chorus: “PLANET 10!!”
AL: “When are we going?”
Lectroid chorus:”REAL SOON!”
Barkeep! Another round! An’ keep ’em comin’, we’re jush gettin’ shtarted!
I’m gonna open up a 55-gallon drum of whoop-ass and pour it on your head!
If only I got 800 more votes in Florida I would not be this over weight, jobless, washed-up bore that you see before you today. Better yet, you wouldn’t even know John Kerry exists. The way it is…I suffer…you suffer. Let’s have a recount.
VICTIM OF A FAILED ABORTION.
“Remember the wisdom of Solomon in the book of Proverbs. ‘He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind!'” –Matthew Harrison Brady
After four years without proper supervision and medication the Naomi Wolfe alpha-male reprogramming hits critical mass.
Who stole the strawberries?
I demand a recount of Bill Clinton’s bypasses. Let no bypass be left uncounted.
Don’t you walk away when I’m talking to you!
Now there’s no need for that I know exactly what hell tell you. Lies! He was no different than any officer in the wardroom — they were all disloyal, I tried to run the ship properly by the book but they fought me at every turn. If the crew wanted to walk around with their shirttails hanging out that’s all right let them take the tow line. Defective equipment no more no less, but they encouraged the crew to go around scoffing at me and spreading wild rumors about steaming and circles. And then old yellow stain. I was to blame for Lt. Merrick’s incompetence and poor seamanship. Lt. Merrick was the perfect officer but not Captain Queeg.
Ah, but the strawberries! That’s where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with geometric logic, that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist! And I’d have produced that key if they hadn’t pulled Caine out of action! I-I-I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officer and!
The Madness of Captain Queeg
“Now I am the ruler of all the ocean! The waves obey my every whim! The sea and all its spoils bow to my power!” -Ursula Gore, the Sea Witch
“(the screeching sound from Invasion of the body Snatchers)”
Oh. My. God. Is that really Al Gore???
I’m a stuffed pig.
Professor Irwin Corey on steroids
Who are you, and what have you done with Al Gore?
(Seriously – I can’t get over how much worse Gore looks now.)
“TO THE MOON, TIPPER!!!!!”
“He misled us into Iraq. He misled us into a lousy economy. He misled us into this damned low-carb craze that doesn’t work for shit.”
In an apparent alteration in campaign tactics, the DNC brought in the notorious toothless man from ‘Deliverance’ to launch the latest series of canine attacks on President Bush: “He’s got a real pretty mouth on him, don’t he?”
“Does my face look fat in this?”
I don’t want to hear about Bill Clinton’s bypass surgery! I said a Double Whopper with Cheese, and I meant a Double Whopper with Cheese!
Having behind us the producing masses of this nation and the world, supported by the commercial interests, the laboring interests, and the toilers everywhere, we will answer their demand for a gold standard by saying to them: You shall not press down upon the brow of labor this crown of thorns, you shall not crucify mankind upon a cross of gold.
“You can make fun of me all you want, I invented the OTB Caption Contest.”
Good Gawd! What HAS he been eating?
Oh, yeah. Caption contest. How about…
I always think ‘zombie’ whenever I see Big Al.
Which one of you threw that ugly stick at me????
“This town needs an enema!”
– The Joker
“Ask not what your country can do for you,
Ask where I can get a doughnut.”
I invented the typwriter and I can tell you for a fact… those memos were not forged.
Al Gore bidding on one of Rush Limbaugh’s old
Al Gore auditioning for “Phantom of the Opera”
Al Gore singing “Impossible Dream” to a bunch of
It was ME! I gave those memos to Dan Rather
and HE WANTS the glory! Well, I invented forged documents to give to news anchors.
Now look at them yo-yoÃ¢Â€Â™s thatÃ¢Â€Â™s the way you do it
You play Politician on MS-N-B-C
That ainÃ¢Â€Â™t workinÃ¢Â€Â™ thatÃ¢Â€Â™s the way you do it
Money for nothinÃ¢Â€Â™ and Chad’s for free
Now that ainÃ¢Â€Â™t workinÃ¢Â€Â™ thatÃ¢Â€Â™s the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ainÃ¢Â€Â™t dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb
Not such dire straits for Al Gore.
“You’re not just lookin’ at some drunk, washed up, low life. You’re lookin’ at the next Ted Kennedy.”
“I’m Damn tired of all the lie slingin’ goin’ on, but I’ll tell you one thing, when it comes to lies, it ain’t over ’til the Fat man slings.”
“There is no controlling eating authority.”
I did NOT gain 50 pounds. It’s only 48.5!!!!!!
“I am so fat that NASA orbits satellites around me monitored on the Internet I invented.”
Rodney Dangerfield look alike. No respect either.
“I will have George Bush frozen in carbonite, just like Han Solo over there!”
“Yes, Dammit, I invented the Times New Roman font.”
“For better or worse, I say to you, I invented Rodney Dill!”
“dubya…dubya…dubya…that’s all Folks.”
(Thanks for the laugh Rachel Edith)
It’s ours, it is, precious, and we wants it!!
“Yes, there were times.
I’m sure you knew.
When I bit off.
More than I could chew.
And I did it myyyyyyyy way.”
“Today I’m only giving out Chocolates and Ass-kickings, and I already ate all the Chocolates, so …”
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