Outside the Beltway

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, May 9, 2005 · No comments

The Tons of Fun Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

A lot of funny entries for this one.

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, May 5, 2005 · 4 comments

The Pull My Tail Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, May 2, 2005 · 1 comment

The Diogenes Denied Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, April 28, 2005 · No comments

The “Just Call me Dick” Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

This was either a more challenging contest or a less inspirational contest

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, April 25, 2005 · 1 comment

The That’ll Leave a Mark Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, April 21, 2005 · 1 comment

The Matzoh Western Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

I would’ve sworn when I started this contest that some reference to a Clint Eastwood western would’ve taken first, until I started reading the entries . . .

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, April 18, 2005 · No comments

The Texas Standoff Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

here’s the way I see it.

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, April 14, 2005 · 2 comments

The No Sympathy for the Devil Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

A lot of good entries, but here’s the way I see it.

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, April 11, 2005 · No comments

The Head for the Border Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The Winners:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, April 7, 2005 · 3 comments

The Insane Clown Posse Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Goran Tomasevic

The Winners

First: Eric – There’s a reason kids are scared of clowns

Second: The Dread Pundit Bluto – Ahmed came to regret telling Mahmoud that he would “do anything Allah wills” to help finance the Jihad.

Third: Elisson – Mahmoud Abbas announced today that Hamas and the Al-Aqsa Martyr’s Brigades have accepted the conditions laid down by the Palestinian Authority for a “kinder, gentler Intifada. . .with clowns!” Details on the planned Palestinian Petting Zoo are also expected to be released shortly.

Honorable Mention:

Laurence Simon – “No Syrian Intelligence Agents here, little Lebanese boy. Just clowns. Happy, heavily-armed clowns ready to martyr themselves for Allah.”

Literally Retarded – In a single moment, Sally determined to run for Congress.

Brandon Jaynes – The new NRA marketing plan, targeting the 3-8 age group, has been a huge success.

The Monday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, April 4, 2005 · 4 comments

The RumScout Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(DoD photo by Tech. Sgt. Cherie A. Thurlby, U.S. Air Force.)

The Winners

First: Donald Sensing РWhat̢۪s the difference between Congress and the Cub Scouts? The Scouts have adult leadership.

Second: Kenny – “You go to war with the scouts you have … say … some journalist didn’t put you up to asking that question did they young feller?”

Third: Laurence Simon – Relax, kids. I’ve only got animal porn on my computer.

Honorable Mention:

Maggie – Nothing makes my day more than seeing MEN IN UNIFORM!

RKrak – Where are the hookers you promised?

LJD – Rumsfelt issues biological weapons alert after cub scout farts at press conference.

The Monday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Friday, April 1, 2005 · No comments

The Bushrat Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The Winners

First: Rodney Dill – President Bush pondered why all the photographers seemed to want to set up in the same spot for the Dan Rather retirement dinner.

Second: Rodney Dill – Edmund was disappointed that he couldn’t also fit the word fink into the picture

Third: Rodney Dill – Redneck Association of Texas

The Thursday contest has already started.

Pictures of Donald Rumsfeld being dismembered under the fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, March 28, 2005 · 2 comments

The Yoda Man Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AP Photo/Aaron Favila)

The Winners

First: Alan Kellogg – You could warm up the probe

Second: Steven Taylor – After several years out of the limelight, Ross Perot returns to the public stage.

Third: Laurence Simon – You’ve got your Easter Bunny, we’ve got our Purim Tarsier. Now shut up and go have fun painting Matzoh balls.

Honorable Mention:

Matt – Reveal Your Inner Oliver Willis

SLM – News of the Bolton and Wolfowitz nominations finally reaches Madagascar.

Jufray – I did NOT inhale.

The What’s hotter’n the Purim Tarsier Award

JMMP Fan РJust saw Jacqueline̢۪s new photos.

The Monday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, March 24, 2005 · 5 comments

The Pork Fried Rice Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Photo by Kimimasa Mayama/Reuters

The Winners

First: T. Lung – “Hey, Konishiki, 47 cheeseburgers to go. . .and hold the rice. . .”

Second: Stormy Dragon – “Wow, Odd Job, you were right—You can hit John Kerry from all the way over here.”

Third: Mark – No, no, no lady! For the last time, I am NOT Reuben Stoddard.

Honorable Mention:

Michael – Seriousry, she kicked my ass, and she rooks great in a diaper.

Brandon Jaynes – Damn girl, I could eat you up- -no, seriously, I’m really freakin’ hungry!

McGehee – “I told her my manhood was in proportion to my waist size, and she believed me!”

The Thursday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, March 21, 2005 · 1 comment

The In Dragnet Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Raheb Homavandi

The Winners

First: Jufray – CIRQUE DU SOLEIL presents … La Nu Clear

Second: Mark РFemale members of Harvard̢۪s faculty prepare for action against Larry Summers following the latest no confidence vote.

Third: AlphaPatriot – Pictured on the right, Ali “Alice” Mahammud is thankful for the “”Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. Says Alice, “I’m just grateful for the chance to put on a burka and carry a gun just like any other Iranian gal.”

Honorable Mention:

Brian J. – You thought Catholic school was hard?

Roger – If one of these women asks if her outfit makes her look fat, say nothing and take cover.

Mikey – Star Wars Episode VII: Attack of the Jawas

The Monday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, March 17, 2005 · 2 comments

The Be Sirius Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AP Photo/Fotopress, Ross Setford)

The Winners

First: Laurence Simon – “Hello, DogStar?”

Second: dougrc РTrunk monkey!!? Hell, I̢۪ve got a real security system!

Third: jufray – RUMSFELD purchased the newest “up armored” H2 with optional siren.

Honorable Mention:

Steven Taylor – The Borg were not as fearsome in their earlier incarnation

Maggie – The American Kennel Club has officially announced the approval of a new canine breed: The Howard Dean.

The Man – Sandy Hood quickly found out that 1) it is not wise to stick your head out of the sunroof and 2) the button that closes the sunroof on the 2003 Kia Sportage is on the center console.

The Thursday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, March 14, 2005 · 1 comment

The Camilla’s Side Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AP Photo/Fotopress, Ross Setford)

The Winners

First: Brandon Jaynes – “Get Your Hillary 2008 Merchandise Here.”

second: Brian J. – Prince Charles was a little confused; he didn’t know which of his families holdings the peasants called the Golden Palace.

Third: X – Sadly, the Australian Football League couldn’t afford Janet Jackson for their Superbowl halftime show.

Honorable Mention:

Maniakes – Yes Virginia, there is a Fashion Police

bithead – “Welcome to viewers from all over the world, to new Zealand, I’m Jim McKay. Today, we will be witness to the annual running of the breasts”

Hodink –
FREE MASSAGE
in exchange for
DOING MY HAIR.

The Monday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, March 10, 2005 · No comments

The Billy Joel, you ain’t Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The Winners

First: Mythilt – “I tried to introduce Mr Moore to the Rumsfeld Strangler, but I couldn’t fit my hands around his neck.”

Second: Beloved Leader – BRAINS! Must. . .have. . .BRAINS

Third: Chrees – “I said that we now know what we didn’t know when we didn’t know what we know now. But that we still don’t know what we don’t know now. You know?”

Honorable Mention:

LJD – “I will ask you one last time Princess, WHERE is the Rebel base” (heavy breathing)

Steven Taylor – “I’ll get you my little pretty, and your little dog, too!”

Brandon Jaynes – “You will stop asking stupid questions; you will stop asking stupid questions; you will stop asking stupid questions.”

The Thursday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, March 7, 2005 · No comments

The Soylent Green is People Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

A very enjoyable contest, there were a lot of imaginative entries for this one

(AFP/DDP/Michael Kappeler)

The Winners

First: Steven L. – Michael Jackson began to seriously regret insisting on a “jury of his peers”. . . .

Second: Brandon Jaynes РMoscow̢۪s Red Orchestra, seen here singing Yellow Submarine, has long been green with envy over the success of the Blue Man Group.

Third: Bithead – It was here that Mulder found the motherload.

Honorable Mention:

T. Lung – The new-look Green Bay Packers synchronised semaphore cheerleaders sure did miss their head cheese!

Bithead – After nearly a week, the struggle to find a new CBS news anchor was down to a handful of people

McGehee – The new hit Broadway musical “Green Eggs and Ham” opened last night to rave reviews. Oddly enough, however, popcorn sales were slow and area restaurants reported business was down 90% over other opening nights.

McTrip – This is why voters never got to see the Swift Boat Veterans FOR Kerry…

Ingress – The Green Bay Packers circa 1920

Lance – French farting contest. . .

The Thursday contest has already started.

More Below the fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, March 3, 2005 · No comments

The Putin’ Out Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AFP/Maxim Marmur)

The Winners

First: Hodink – “No, no, no boys! Decide who is going to lead and that person places his left arm behind the partner’s waist. Begin again.”

Second: Maniakes – Don’t worry, Vlad. We’re soulmates. I won’t let a silly little thing like selling nukes to Iran get in the way of that.

Third: Stormy Dragon – For the exciting conclusion of his ventriloquism routine, Bush wowed the audience by drinking a glass of water while Putin sang The Party is Over.

Honorable Mention:

Jufray – Texas Chainsaw Barbecue

Maggie – Speaking under his breath, Bush informed Putin either he gets his act in gear or face a visit to Moscow by the Riceinator.

Sammler – “I’d like you to meet my brother, Raymond.”

The Thursday contest has already started. The Bottom of the Barrel is below the fold.

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, February 28, 2005 · 3 comments

The Go Figure Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

“I’m tryin’ to think, but nothin’ happens”

(AP Photo/Steve Cannon)

The Winners

First: Timmer – Mr Governor, who has better rides, Universal Studios or Disney World?

Second: Chris Short РWho̢۪s Terri Schiavo?

Third: The WASP – Reporter: How wide is Hillary’s butt going to get?

Honorable Mention:

Carlos РGee, gosh, I dunno. . .go ask my brother. He̢۪s the brains of this outfit.

McGehee – The question was, “Governor, have you ever been to that Kinko’s in Abilene?”

Lisa Y – “So I forgot to wear pants. It happens, okay???!!”

RodneysJufrays Bottom of The Barrel (special guest captioner)

“Rodney Dill?”

The Thursday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, February 24, 2005 · No comments

The Mjollnir Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

AFP Top Photos

The Winners

First: Eddie Thomas – Razib was thinking: “If this cure works for Arun, maybe we can get rich by selling it to Mick Jagger.”

Second: Dodd – “Oh no, that’s next door. It’s being-pounded-in-the-chest lessons in here.”

Third: Jufray – Clear!

Honorable Mention:

Loon – Archive photo : A youthful Lt.jg John Forbes Kerry works on getting his fourth purple heart in as many months. . .

Tig – “British Navy seeks alternatives to whipping with a cat-o-nine-tails in light of new attitude toward gays.”

Hodink – Tom tries to learn about other cultures. It was a choice between this one swift thwack or eating a bowl of goat testicles.

Rodneys Bottom of The Barrel

Elmo only took second place in chest thumping, and therefore was not made the DNC Chairman.

The Thursday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, February 21, 2005 · 1 comment

The Pineapple Under the Sea Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Reuters/Handout

The Winners

First: Crerar – Milton Bradley unveiled its revamped version of the Game of Life where players are able to select a college, choose a career or get same-sex married.

Second: Laurence Simon – “I think Squidward needs to lay off the hormone supplements.”

Third: McCain – Gertrude’s menage a trois experience did not live up to her wild fantasies.

Honorable Mention:

caltechgirl РWhy didn̢۪t I get a costume? Don̢۪t you know I̢۪m Sandy Cheeks?

Myopost – Spongebob: How comes it then that thou art out of hell?
Patrick: Why this is hell, nor am I out of it.

Jay Tea – “Don’t ask, don’t tell” meets “Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.00.”

Rodneys Bottom of The Barrel

SB: “That’s Life”
P: “What’s Life?”
SB” “A board game”
P: “Where do I get it?”
SB: “At the toy store.”
P: “How Much does it cost?”
SB: “10 Dollars”
P: “But I only have 5 Dollars.”
SB: “That’s Life.”
P: “What’s Life?”
SB: “A board . . .”
After listening to Sponge Bob and Patrick every day for three years at the toy factory, Audrey, went home and ate her young.

“I always thought the Sponge was supposed to be placed between the prick and the cervix.”

The ThursdayMonday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, February 17, 2005 · 2 comments

The Beloved Leader Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Photograph by Korean News Agency/AP

The personage we love to hate, nearly as much as John Kerry

The Winners

First: McTrip – “NUKLAHOMA” (McTrip prefaced it with – One for the archives : a rare snap taken during rehearsals of the writer-producer-director-leading male singer, Kim Jong “Johnny” Il, and the cast of the guaranteed runaway [no, runaway even faster] Pyongyang hit musical :- )

Second: Laurence Simon РDespite the protests of his wife and the Central Committee, Kim Jong-Il did what the voices in his head told him, and he plowed under the crops to build a concentration camp for political dissidents. That̢۪s when the ghost of his father came out of the wheat so they could play catch with Harry Truman̢۪s bleached skull.

Third: Confederate Yankee РAnd after 40 years of wandering, it slowly dawned upon the crowd that he really didn̢۪t have a clue where the Promised Land was.

The Thursday contest has already started.

Honorable Mention and the rest are under the Fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, February 14, 2005 · 2 comments

The Killer Filler Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

unknown via TigThe winners and honorable mention barely start to do justice to the many funny captions this time around. Thanks to all who participated, and thanks to Tig for supplying the picture.

The Winners

First: caltechgirl – Kim Jong-Il reveals his true self for the first time

Second: Stormy Dragon – “Kill ‘er?” asked the confused David Berkowitz. “But why?”

Third: McGehee – In its ill-fated attempt to head off the practice of arming airline pilots, the FAA experimented with compact attack dogs small enough to fit in overhead compartments, documents obtained by DRUDGE REPORT reveal.
DEVELOPING. . .

The Monday contest has already started.

Honorable Mention and the rest are under the Fold

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, February 10, 2005 · No comments

The Wardrobe Malfunction Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Petr Josek

The Winners

First: Laurence Simon – French Special Forces plan for deployment in Darfur.

Second: Gary and the Samoyeds РAnd remember the shiny side goes inside, as otherwise the decorations won̢۪t stick to the tin foil.

Third: Stormy Dragon – Faced with a growing problem, Congress once again begins getting pressure to ban reproductive clowning.

Honorable Mention:

Christopher Cross РOsama̢۪s latest spin-off effort: Al-Gayda.

Myopist РSam, maybe it̢۪s just because we went to Minas Tirith and Rivendell and Moria and everything, but I gotta tell you: Hobbit ceremonial wedding costumes suck ass.
myopist

McTrip – Among the many tests that prospective Democrat contenders for the party’s nomination in 2008 must now undergo is synchronised “deaning” : igniting popular interest with a rebel yell.

Rodneys Bottom of The Barrel

After a short period of reflection on the question, “Would you rather have had a son, more than your gay daughter?” Dick Cheney responded, “NO.”

The Thursday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, February 7, 2005 · 3 comments

The Frosty the SnowMob Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Gleb Garanich

This contest was surprisingly refreshing

The Winners

First: Purple Raider – Senator Kerry is again faced with the frozen tundra of Lambert Field.

Second: McTrip – Astride his cycle of violence, the ghost of Yasser Arafat confronted “his” 72 virgins and reflected upon how he had never questioned the Koranic small print on the matter of temperature.

Third: Stormy Dragon – After the GI Joe incident failed to fool people, the Iraqi insurgents tried to convinced people they had taken an entire platoon hostage.

Honorable Mention:

Jufray – French spectators unimpressed as Lance Armstrong wins 25th straight tour.

Beth – Phil rallies the activists at the Global Warming protest.

McGehee – “Snow-EEEEEE-oh! SNOOOOOOW-oh!”

Pile On РEverybody freeze It̢۪s a human.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

At some point, after Bill Watterson’s retirement, it became apparent that he had far too much free time on his hands.

Home of the Friends of Bob – Senator Robert Byrd Fan Club.

The Monday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, February 3, 2005 · No comments

The Where’s the Beef Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Tough time judging this one, a lot of them seemed equally funny, but I finally came back to the first entry.

The Winners

First: Michael – Oooohhh A See-Saw!

Second: RightWingDuck – Once again, Europe interpreted a harmless sign as Satanic in nature.

Third: Steven Taylor – Bevo: “We win the Rose Bowl and these are the dates I get?”

Honorable Mention

Tig – “Why is it that everytime I see a woman in an evening dress, I get horny?”

Crerar – “Finally, a bull who can satisfy two women at once.”

dougrc – What do you mean we can’t bring him in the dining room? He’s a seeing-eye steer. Mama’s from Austin, you know.

Udder Amazement at the Worst cow Pun (and thanks for the many cow jokes)

Bithead

The two attractive hostesses were overcome by a feeling of Deja-Moo…. the feeling they’d dealt with this cow previously.

The two attractive hostesses were overcome by a feeling of Deja-Moo…. the feeling they’d dealt with this cow previously.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

Finally someone hornier than Paris Hilton

Who need’s Cialis, he’s perdura’bull’

‘How do we know he’s not mad. He voted for Bush.”

The Thursday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, January 31, 2005 · 2 comments

The Who’d You Vote For Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

(AP Photo/Charles Dharapak, Files)

The Winners

First: Scott Nichols – Hey, wait a second. . .more Ohio ballots!

Second: Sgt Fluffy – Oh…Sh*&…you’re not Dubya

Third: David Harris – “Pull it again! See what he says this time!”

Honorable Mention:

Masked Menace© – In an attempt to make himself seem more “common man” Kerry decides not to pay someone else to inform the man in front of him about his unsophisticated choice of hat.

McTrip – Embarrassing velcro malfunctions in public #37

Jufray – …when LEWIS did this… I and JACQUES laughed nonstop like schoolgirls for hours.

Kevin – Annoying Liberal.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“Hey, aren’t you that Secret Service Agent that pushed…”

“I hate &^$#@% cowboys.”

Cheap shot from the Cheap seats

The Monday contest has already started

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, January 27, 2005 · No comments

The Target Dog Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

AP Photo/Jaime Puebla

Excellent captions, I was surprised it took so long for someone to come up with the take off on the Target Dog. I am pandering a bit with the list of honorable mentions, but this contest just seemed to bring out a funny vein in many of the commentors.

The Winners

Ne Plus Ultra: RightWingDuck – Unfortunately, the tryouts for the new Target Dog Mascot turned out quite differently than expected.

Second: Harry – Tank Commander Ralph Watkins winces as he realizes he has unwittingly let loose the dog of war.

Third: LJD – “I think he’s gettin’ ready to leave a road-side bomb!”

Honorable Mention:

Laurence Simon – We meet again, Teddy Salad.

Bithead – Mike Dukakas meets the enemy

OJ – Captain, we got that filthy dog Zarqawi!

Myopist РSwear to God, if it cocks a leg I̢۪m shooting it. I spent four hours washing this tank.

Dougrc – Reminiscent of the 1989 Tianenmen Square incident, Fluffy stood her ground for half an hour before slowly backing out of the way of the advancing tanks.

Rachel Edith – President Bush made that surprise visit to the troops last week. Scheduling glitches resulted in presidential dog, Barney, being left behind in a fox hole. Barney emerged today none the worse for wear. After de-briefing in Germany, the dog will be reunited with the Commander-in-Chief.

Roark – Hold Fire! …It’s not a FRENCH poodle.

The Thursday contest has already started.

Rodney’s Bottom of the Barrel

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, January 24, 2005 · No comments

The High Anxiety Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

AP Photo/Lefteris Pitarakis

Some very good entries for what I thought to be a harder picture. The top three were very close, but I have to concur with opinions of several of the commentors.

The Winners

First: Bithead – “PULL!”

Second: Ingress – “Like they say, a bird in the hand … uh, uh, ooops. Awwww man.”

Third: The Doctor – The new US military drone Peace One, prepares to unleash the mother of all bird turds on a crowd on insurgents outside Mosul.

Honorable Mention:

Myhilt – 3 seconds later, Amir discovered that yes, the bird of peace can take a crap

Kent – Who flipped the bird?

Baron – The Great Ali Al Swalhiri shows off his first magic trick. Shortly after, he was blown up by Islamic extremists insisting that magic is not consistent with the Koran, therefore he and the 13 innocent people around him deserved to die.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

(with music) “All we are saying, is give peace a . . . Aw Crap.”

As predicted the Dove of Peace flew directly for the Promise of Democracy, which unfortunately was surrounded by a bullet proof glass window.

The Monday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, January 20, 2005 · No comments

The Right hand, Left hand, Red Band, Blue Band. Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

AP Photo/J. Pat Carter

The Winners

First: Sgt. Fluffy – “WWID
– What Would Idiots Do”

Second: Laurence Simon – Apparently, there’s a backorder of “I’m With Stupid” T-Shirts that have the arrow pointing upwards.

Third: Mflorence – So, what did you do with the Super Glue remover?

Honorable Mention:

Sortapundit – You take the blue bracelet, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red bracelet, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes…. Remember, all I’m offering is the truth, nothing more….

Hodink – A Must Have – For the families who cancel out each other’s vote.

Ingress – Why is it you can sue Wendy’s if you get fat, Marlboro if you get cancer, but you can’t sue Coors for all the ugly people you slept with? (Good point)

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“You should see how many bands Mary Matalin and James Carville each have.”

Hunting tags for Moonbat season.

Man: “This means I voted for Bush four times, Did you vote for Kerry four times?”
Woman: “Don’t be silly dad, This means I had sex with Bill Clinton four times.”

The Thursday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, January 17, 2005 · No comments

The Surprise in the CrackerBack Jox Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Carlos Barria

The Winners

First: Jay Tea – “Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.”

Second: Hodink – Anna Kournikova has tired of her sexy image. Now she wants to win at tennis by beating male opponents which she says she will do by eating their balls

Third: Mythilt – Yesterday, Amanda Monti was let go from her job as a linegirl after she accidently grabbed the wrong ball.

Honorable Mention

Crerar – No – I do not want to see it stick its tongue out again

Bithead – “Think of it this way, John… All the chicks in the stands are now looking at my crotch”
“Yeah but so are the GUYS, Bill. . .”

Roger – Captain Kirk saw the image on the screen, an image from some sports figuring during Earth’s 21st century. Perplexed, he turned to Spock.
“Analysis, Spock!”
“Captain, what we see here is a tennis player wearing shorts bearing an image of what is called a basketball, holding a tennis ball in front. . .of. . .balls.”
“Spock! Balls?!”
“Yes, Captain. If I was to mention the proper medical term, we might get sued by the FCC.”
“Bones!”
“You heard the man! Balls!”

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

The Great Magnifico’s ball levitation astounded the crowd until little Johnny said, “Hey, its not floating it’s stuck on the end of his . . .”

And of course, The Monday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, January 13, 2005 · 3 comments

The Stiff Upper Lip Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Ben Gurr/The Times/Pool

The Winners

First: Chrees – Does this outfit make my rear look fat?

Second: Jay Tea – Following long-standing procedure, Corporal Eddington (right) refused to be relieved from his post when he realized that Sergeant Chesterfield (left) had reported for duty out of uniform again.

Third: Bithead – “I think this ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ thing is working well, don’t you?”

Honorable Mention:

Scott P РNow, Mr. Guard, I̢۪ll show you something I like to call the 69th position. I bet that will get a rise out of you. . .

Anna S. РThese slippers are killing me; next time you be the sugar plum fairy and I̢۪ll be the nutcracker.

Masked Menace – After realizing the ballerina was turned ever so slightly too far the wrong way, Major Stifas Abored, thought to himself, “Sometimes, I really hate my job.”

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

I call This position ‘The Moss’

And of course, The Thursday contest has already started.

Conservative Life has started their next contest as well.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Tuesday, January 11, 2005 · No comments

The Rebrand Democrat Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Dan Riedlhuber

The Winners

First: Timmer – “Good trade there Mr. Dowd.”

Second: AlphaPatriot – Democrats from all over the country respond to a call for a new party mascot, bringing beloved pets to Washington as the party tries to remake their image.

Third: RightWingDuck – “President Bush and Staff present their gift to the survivors of the tsunami. This one – a present for the Ambassador of India. Finally, no more gaffes.”

Honorable Mention:

Hodink – Paying a visit to the home of Condi Rice, Dubya Bush brings along a few of his favorite things.

Crerar – Gus and Claribelle Fornicher catch a train to start their honeymoon on the eve of Canada enacting increasingly liberal marriage laws.

Bithead – And in offices throughout southern Manhattan for the remainder of the day, people were asking the question: “Do you smell something”?

Chrees – You’d be a “mad cow” too if you had to take public transportation all the time.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“Not to be outdone in shenanigans some distraught Packer fans set off to pay Randy Moss a visit.”

The Monday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, January 6, 2005 · 1 comment

The Hand Jive Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – REUTERS

Thanks to all, especially to those that mostly behaved with their captions.

The Winners

First: Brian J. – Don’t Panic.

Second : Dougrc – “Because mom says we can’t flip off reporters anymore, that’s why!”

Third: Laurence Simon – “What has two thumbs and likes giv- wait. How many thumbs do I have up?”

Honorable Mention:

Tom – Dad told me that when I graduated from college that I would lose my flight priveleges on Air Force 1. I thought he was kidding.

Aggie wife – “Bosh Good, Bosh number 1”

Zod – Jenna Bush is believed to be dead, and she must let the world think that she is dead, until she can find a way to control the raging party animal that dwells within her ….

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“I’m off to help some woman in trouble in Asia, I think her name is Sue Nommy”

Jenna display’s her knowledge of the international sign for Budweiser

The Thursday contest has already started.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, January 3, 2005 · 3 comments

The Mene Mene Tekel Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

REUTERS/Loay Abu haykel

The Winners

First: Steven Taylor – “And that, my friends, is the sound of one hand clapping.”

Second : McGehee – You foolish red-state types see the hand of God in everything, dont you? What? AAAIIIIEEEEEE!

Third: spd rdr – Just look at the length of that lifeline!
What more proof do you need that Yassir was poisined by the Zionists?

Honorable Mention:

Pennywit РAdam Smith̢۪s hand reveals itself.

Kenny – “Our enemies are wrong my brothers! Clearly you can see that I most certainly DO NOT have hair on my palms!”

David Harris – The press conference turned into chaos when the fifth little piggy suddenly decided to make a break for it.

Zed – Years after the release of Sgt. Peppers the Muslim world is just now learning how to play records backwards.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

“No. . . No. . . Mr. Sluggo. . .”

The Hand of Knowledge meets the Seat of Ignorance.

“You want me step this way? But why?”

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Friday, December 31, 2004 · No comments

The Eanie Meanie Chili Beanie Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

AP Photo/Dean Hoffmeyer, Richmond Times-Dispatch

As if this picture wasn’t funny enough. Maybe I just felt overly generous, but this time I chose to extend the Honorable Mention section as there were just too many excellent captions. If you haven’t had a chance you should read through all the captions for this contest as a majority of them are pretty good. Bithead and Crerar were well on the way to a first place tie until “The Doctor” placed his/her entry.

The Winners

First: The Doctor – Some reporter from Chicago gave ‘em to me to wear tonight at the Rumsfeld press conference.

Second (tied): Bithead РSo, YOU̢۪RE the new communications officer, eh?
Second (tied): Crerar – Alright soldier – you can guide my Humvee tonight.

Third: Brandon – Why? Because no one could shoot Rudolph!

Honorable Mention:

Garry and the Samoyeds – “I can’t wear these? Whatever happened to ‘be all you can be?’”

Laurence Simon – The hard part was cutting the holes in my helmet to stick them through it.

Zong Ren – Don’t worry – it happens to a lot of guys the first time they get perfumed letters.

David Harris – “I have to wear the nose, too?”

McGehee – Corporal, if you say, “Can you hear me now?” one more time, I’m gonna frag you!

Dave Schuler – Between the long time away from home and the “no fraternization” I am really getting horny.

Anna S. – What antlers? (editor: This one made me think of Marty Feldman’s “Hump, What Hump?” in Young Frankenstein)

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, December 30, 2004 · 2 comments

The Speak Softly and Carry a Big Scotty Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – Top Stories Photos – Reuters

The Winners

First: Hermoine – “Anybody know how a doggone muff works?”

Second: Sgt. Fluffy – They’re ready for inspection Major Barney.

Third: McGehee – A second later, Bush acted instinctively—with the result that he got a Barney-shaped scar on his forehead.

Honorable Mention:

Maniakes – “Look what I got for the twins!”
“Good trade, sir!”

Lij – President Bush comments on the slippery slope ahead, “don’t worry Barney, it’s still don’t ask, don’t tell!”

Leopold Stotch – Airmen O’Malley and Perez now understand what John Kerry meant when he said that “if given a second term, George W. Bush will screw the pooch.”

Still Venting the Ghosts of Elections Past

Laurence Simon РBe glad I won, boys. Otherwise, you̢۪d be picking Teresa̢۪s crap up off of the tarmac.

Leopold Stotch – I know Barney’s a boy and all but …
Under his breath Airman O’Malley whispers to Airman Perez, “I’d rather salute this bitch than that thing John Kerry married.”

Bithead – Look, Dubya, I don’t CARE who cleaned the plane when… I’m tellin’ ya.. I can still smell that idiot, Buddy in there, and I ain’t goin’ IN there, OK?

The Bonus Caption contest is still underway until tomorrow PM, and the Thursday contest is already off to a fast start.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, December 27, 2004 · 2 comments

The Rudolph was Adopted Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – World Photos – Reuter

The Winners

First: Sortapundit –
Santa: Merry Christmas, camel.
Camel: Actually, I̢۪m Jewish

Second: Maggie – Why can’t you ask for directions….we won’t be able to see the STAR until dark…now the other two Wise men are going to beat us there!

Third: Ferdinand T. Cat – Due to a shipping error, Santa found himself with a camel instead of a reindeer, and the wrong size sleigh.

Honorable Mention:

myopist – Mondays

Zod – A strike by the Reindeer Union forced Santa to improvise.

Cassandra – [voice from rear of camel]
“It never fails… every year that twit Rodney dresses up in the red suit and hands out all the toys and we get stuck with this sweaty friggin’ camel suit…whaddaya say we jump him Christmas Eve and swipe his milk and cookies?”

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Leopold Stotch · Sunday, December 26, 2004 · 2 comments

The Festivus Edition of the OTB Caption Contest is over.

They were nowhere near as creepy as I’d hoped, but the winners are:

First Place: Boyd — When the Hamilton kids learned that Santa Claus was also a Roman Catholic priest, they displayed mixed reactions.

Second Place: The Ubiquitous Rodney Dill — Little Timmy jumps and drops his sister, as Santa “warms his hands.”

Third Place: Duffer — Jane likes sitting on Santa’s left knee; Dick ain’t so sure about sitting on Santa’s right knee; Young Emily suddenly remembers that Santa has only two knees.

I don’t get it but it sounds disturbing:

Christopher Cross — Only little Tina Baker enjoyed the family tradition of “Triple Dutch Oven.”

For added post-Holiday cheer, check out this tribute to my best friend on her birthday.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, December 23, 2004 · 5 comments

The Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – Reuter Photo Highlights

The Winners

First: McGehee –
Rumsfeld: “These are not the condolence letters you’re looking for.”
Reporter: “These are not the condolence letters we’re looking for.”
Rumsfeld: “Move along.”
Reporter: “Let’s move along.”

Second: Sortapundit – You wanna know why I didn’t sign those letters? I got The Claw in ‘82 during a Pacman tourney. Haven’t been able to hold a pen since.

Third(tied): Kate – “As you know, you go decorate the Christmas tree with the ornaments you have … not the ornaments you might want or wish to have at a later time.”
Third(tied): Jason – Well, that’s no ordinary rabbit. That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! He’s got huge, sharp – eh – he can leap about – look at the bones!

Honorable Mention:

bryan – Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld shows proper knuckleball form during a press conference announcing his tryout for the (possible) Washington Nationals. “I’ve been throwing knuckleballs past the national media for three years now,” Rumsfeld said. “I think I can put a few past Sammy Sosa and that juiced-up Barry – what’s his name? – Bonds.”

KJ – Tired of waiting for nude pyramids and sleep deprivation to work, Rumsfeld decides to personally administer his Vulcan mild meld technique to get the Al Kae Duh prisoners talking.

Cassandra – “Let me state for the record, that smiley thing-a-majigger is not official US Army-issue”
“It’s some crazy thing Joyner rigged up. I can’t be held responsible” (editor: seemed like they belonged together)

Leopold Stotch already has a Festivus Edition contest started. The abnormal Monday/Thursday schedule of caption contests will be a little erratic over the holiday week between Christmas and New years.

Rodneys Bottom of the Barrel (below)

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, December 20, 2004 · 9 comments

The That’ll Leave a Mark Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – Reuter Photo Highlights

The Winners

First: spd rdr РThe doctor had seen many strange things in his years of practice, but the proctologist had to admit that Bert̢۪s misshap beat them all.

Second: Myopist РDamn, but you̢۪re a mean drunk, Superman.

Third: David Harris – Upset at no longer being the grandest architectural achievement in France, the Eiffel Tower throws itself to its death off the newly opened Millau Bridge.

Honorable Mention:

RightWingDuck – French Authorities Lose a Training Eiffel Tower used to Train Dogs in Terrorist Detection.

frog – Looks like Michael Moore finally made it to the top.

Hodink – Chirac shows that he really would do just about anything for this mistress.

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, December 16, 2004 · No comments

The Crown Joules Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – World Photos – Reuters

The Winners

Ne Plus Ultra: McGehee – Why they hate us

Second: (tied) Masked Menace РBjork makes her entrance to the Grammy̢۪s.

Second: (tied) Masked Menace РOne of these days I̢۪m gonna get this @^%&%$@# Christmas lights thing figured out.

Third: McTrip РWhile delighted by the outcome of her slimming program, Monica was neither thrilled by the gig her agent booked her at The Clinton Library nor at the uniform sponsored by SuctionHoses̢۪r̢۪Us.

Honorable Mention:

Ken – Abu Garb

Kate РMargaret Cho̢۪s long-lost vibrator love child.

Timmer – Madonna’s li’l girl grows up.

The next Caption Contest is already underway.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, December 13, 2004 · 3 comments

The Bad Santa Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – World Photos – Reuters

The Winners

Ne Plus Ultra: Cassandra – After Santa got into the holiday eggnog for the 5th time, Rudolph decided he could jolly well guide his own *&%! sleigh tonite…

Second: Chadwick РMore proof of why you don̢۪t hire Ron Artest to play Santa Claus!

Third: Kim Chong-il РWith the help of seven beefy elves and the calm reassurance they they don̢۪t celebrate Christmas in Fallujah, they finally dragged Blitzen back from Canada.

Honorable Mention:

Fred Boness – “ You’re gonna be uh, guest of honor at the Elves dinner party.

McGehee – Practicing for the North Pole Championship Rodeo, Santa demonstrates why, in spite of entering the reindeer-dogging event 1300 years in a row, he has yet to win the belt buckle.

RightWingDuck – My Reindeer Got run over by a Santa, on our way to our house Christmas Eve

Rodneys bottom of the barrel

“No, Santa, no, When we asked how do you mount a reindeer, we meant taxidermy.

“Damn good thing I don’t use Reinbear.”

A new contest is already underway.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, December 9, 2004 · 2 comments

The Naughty or Rice Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – Top Stories Photos – Reuters

The Winners

Ne Plus Ultra: Laurence Simon РJust as Dorothy was asked by The Wizard of Oz to bring back the Wicked Witch̢۪s broom as proof of her demise, Karl Rove waves Arafat̢۪s Horrible Red Binder as proof of the terrorist̢۪s death.

Second: Kim Chong-il – Pheeeeewie! Condi! More red beans and rice for lunch today? Somebody light a match!

Third: McTrip – The folder entitled ‘The Official List of Madeleine Albright’s Diplomatic Achievements’ contained a single blank page.”

Honorable Mention:

Duffer – “Now, Condi, quit giggling & read the instructions very carefully….because there is a right way and a wrong way to roll up this tool of diplomacy before you stick it where – oddly enough – the girlie man French foreign minister actually prefers it . . .”

T. Lung – Juss ‘n case ennybuddy woz wundrin folks ‘n red stayts r’gonna hav mo infloonts ‘’n ‘’Merrigan furrn pollisy ‘’n fyootchir. Unnerstan ?

Timmer – Girl in Pink over Dr. Rice’s Shoulder: BILL, not NOW dammit…

Rodney’s Bottom of the barrel

These Abu Ghraib photo’s always crack me up.

As Karl Rove shows his folder of ‘dirty election tricks’ to Condi Rice he says to Terry McAuliffe, “Ya just ain’t gonna see these on Daily Kos“

Rove tried to wave the offending odor in the direction of Condi, but from then on, when together, they were always known as ‘Beans and Rice’

“After that tape from Osama Bin Ladin we didn’t have to pull out this last campaign ad of John hitting a squirrel with his bicycle pump.”

“Yep, Laurence Simon is full of crap.”

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, December 6, 2004 · 1 comment

The Fritz the Dog Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Neil Boortz

The Winners

First: Kim chong-il – Breed for hunting badgers, the dachshund can naturally hold its own against a beaver

Second: Duffer – Bonus Question : from which movie is this audition photo taken – [a] Dog Day Afternoon, [b] Wag The Dog, [c] The Scent Of A Woman or [d] Igby Goes Down ?

Third: Hodink – “Hey, what’s your dog’s name?”
“Hot Diggity Dog.”

Honorable Mention:

McGehee – In 2037, Bill Clinton proves that reincarnation does happen (editor: Guess I’ll always be a sucker for Clinton slams)

Dougrc – Okay fella, you can let her go now…I give up; I still can’t figure out what the hell she’s been rolling in.

Bithead – Hey, it worked for the Coppertone dog….

Contest within a Contest – So When did the Prozak wear off?

Barbara – “I don’t get it. . . where’s the kitty?”
Barbara – The perks of a lap-dog. . . F**K, YEAH

Rodney’s bottom of the barrel

One thought kept running through Fritz’s head. He was an old dog and this was a new trick.

A new, and perhaps harder, contest is already underway.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, December 2, 2004 · 2 comments

The Andres Cantor Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Reuters Sports Photos

The Winners

First: Pile On® – Soccer games lasting longer than four hours, though rare, require immediate medical attention.

Second: McTrip – Gonzalez knew that all players were frisked for weapons before the match, so he just KNEW that Njuku was really pleased to be playing alongside him…

Third: Cassandra – Once “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” became official MLS policy, all sense of decorum seemed to have fled the soccer field.

Honorable Mention:

Steven Taylor – Swallow a soccer ball? Just use the new improved Heimlick manuever.

Loon – This was the breakthrough experiment that proved to the marketing guys that Velcro simply was not to be the material of the future in MLS.

Maniakes РIn some countries, the people can̢۪t afford horses. But that doesn̢۪t stop them from playing Polo.

Rodney’s Bottom of The Barrel

GOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLL

Don’t forget to enter the next OTB Caption Contest^TM, Already in progress.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Wednesday, November 24, 2004 · 2 comments

The Magnificent G7 Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Reuters / Jason Reed

The Winners

First: Robert Bryan – Now that we’ve taken over Mexico, I’m naming it Baja Texas!

Second: McTrip – Having left his passport at home and having lost his Secret Service detail, W readied himself to steal across the Mexican/U.S. border in disguise….

Third: Hodink – “Karen Hughes read the POTUS job description to me. And dressing like this was not in it. So, I’m thinking I want a big raise or something. I’m serious. This job is hard. Does Kerry still want it?”

Honorable Mention:

Rob РClint Eastwood ain̢۪t got nothin̢۪ on me.

Roger – Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, I understand the concept of “When in Rome, do as the Romans do,” but we’re only going to Taco Bell.

B. Minich, PI – “ President Bush decides now is the time to reveal what made the mysterious bulge under his jacket.

Rodney’s bottom of the barrel

My Secret Service Agent didn’t push me, I pulled him

“Loco Gringo, My Ass”

“Hmmm a strange little county here, Everytime I mention VP Dick Cheney, Everyone asks me if I’m Amigo’s with El Chorizo Grande, maybe that’s somebody Dick knows.”
(With special thanks to Cassandra and Pile On for the Spanish lesson)

Caption Contest Winners

Leopold Stotch · Monday, November 22, 2004 · 2 comments

The Weekend Caption Contest is now over.

This got 68 entries and it was a really tough choice, but here are the results:

First Place (tie): McTrip – “Ah good, looks like they wiped the Middle East off the map.”

First Place (tie): also McTrip – “Afghanistan — not only opium and heroin, but now the world’s leading supplier of crack.”

Second Place: LJD – “The middle east: A shitty place to live.”

Third Place: Myopist – “Gaia got back.”

(dis)Honorable Mention:

reliapundit – “Leopold’s Stotch.”

Simply Disturbing:

Rodney Dill –
This map of the world selection,
I once thought to be Mercatur projection,
but its contours were round,
it̢۪s crack placement, profound.
and upon study game me an erection.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · · 1 comment

The What’s in Your Wallet Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo! – World Photos – AP

Thanks to all that participated, again there were many excellent captions

The Winners

First(tie): Cricket – “Xena and Gabrielle? WHERE!???”

First(tie): arky – The newest ad for the CapitalOne “no hassle” card was set to feature rampaging vikings threatening the troops in Afghanistan. Unfortunately, not all of the forces there were advised in advance, so filming was abruptly, and violently cut short.

Second: keith taylor РTroops complained that the USO show̢۪s performance of the final scene of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid was historically inaccurate.

Third: Scott_T – After finishing their Knightly Meals from Iman Mohammed’s Fast Food, they quickly put on their prizes and enjoyed them. (OK, OK, I watched Shrek 2) 😀

Honorable Mention:

david tanner – US Generals have devised a new strategy that they hope will satisfy complaints among captured terrorists that the War in Iraq isn’t a “fair fight.” High-level officials at the Pentagon say they are confident that the loin-cloth wearing duo wont have any problems subduing the uprisings in Mosul by Thanksgiving.

Myopist – Deus vult, [EXPLETIVE DELETED].

Eric – The Friday night D&D games were starting to get a little out of hand.

Rodney’s bottom of the barrel

After a brief indoctrination period, where the embedded journalists from the MSM were forced to improvise their own defenses against insurgents, their reporting turned more favorably towards the Marines

The Head Honcho contest will continue until Wednesday PM

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, November 18, 2004 · 5 comments

The Nice Pants Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo – Reuters Pictures

The Winners

First: David Harris – Tragedy strikes as the letterbox collapses onto the Blue Man Group during a performance.

Second: McGehee РI always figured blue voters were absent from the neck up, but it̢۪s worse than I thought.

Third: Pile On – Coming next season on MTV a new series entitled Pimp My Dungarees.

Rodney’s Bottom of the Barrel

AP BREAKING: While Donald Rumsfeld concurs that Islamo-fascist have been aggressively pursuing the acquisition of Nuclear weapons he is quoted as saying, “It affords me no small pleasure that the terrorist community has neither the knowledge nor the tools required to effectively handle such materials, let alone smuggle them undetected across the U.S. border with Mexico in the dark of night.”

As the Blue Man Group was not previously thought of as environmental activists, they awed the entertainment industry by displaying their stance on nuclear waste.

Somebody’ll have to explain Dodd’s entry to me.

Another Contest will start shortly

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Wednesday, November 17, 2004 · 3 comments

The Michael Moore BLT Special Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo! News – World Photos – AP

The Winners

First: Roger – Mr. CarlsonHerb Tarlick: We wanted to give free hams as part of the newest WKRP promotion and we took a bunch of pigs up in the hot air balloon but, God as my witness, I really thought pigs could fly.

Second: Mark Hasty – The US Army unveiled its newest counter-terrorist weapon today, the semi-guided pork bomb. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld proclaimed that radical Islamists would find it “”both devilishly effective and sinfully delicious.””

Third: Chrees – The X Prize drew a diverse list of applicants hoping to win the $10 million reward…

Thanks to all the participants, but that’s not all this contest had a large number of funny captions, so I have to recognize a few more.

Honorable Mention:

Lasting Magic – “Today in the news, Babe is putting a face on a constitutional amendment to allow natural born and foreign-born pigs to become president.”
keith taylor – You know why the spectators are carrying umbrellas? Once farm animals learned to fly, rain was the least of our worries.
Kate – James Carville on Meet The Press Nov.18, 2008

Rodney’s bottom of the barrel

In the end only John Madden got the call right that the play was not reviewable.

Another Contest will be coming soon.

UPDATE: McGehee gets an assist on the name change for First Place. and Denise offers this clarification (with one minor edit):
Les was reporting from the scene: “Oh, the humanity! The pigsturkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenberg tragedy has there been anything like this!”

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Monday, November 15, 2004 · 1 comment

The Where’s WaldoJohnson Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

Yahoo! News – World Photos – AP

The Winners

First: Maniakes – You know why it’s called a kilt? ‘Cuz that’s what we did to the last fella’ that called it a skirt.

Second: Pile ON – And here I thought Waldo was hard to find.

Third: Gary – ”one of these things is not like the others.
one of these things is kind of the same. can you guess which one…”

Thanks to all the participants. There were many funny captions entered for this picture.

Rodney’s bottom of the barrel

The sitting went well for awhile , but the decorum of the event never recovered
after, Rodnick, (2nd row from the top, roughly centered above the Queen)
insisted on displaying his “John 3:16” sign.

I think I’m already regretting the Pig picture, that started this morning. It appears that judging will be much harder with that picture as there are already many excellent captions.

Caption Contest Winners

Rodney Dill · Thursday, November 11, 2004 · 1 comment

The One Size Fits All Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The ability to be humorous seems to be cyclical, and McGehee’s been on a roll lately, so it’s about time for the worm to turn

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, November 8, 2004 · 3 comments

The Bill Frist Edition, OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:

Yahoo! News – Top Stories Photos – Reuters

1st – McGeehee: “The voices in my head are saying, ‘Specter for judiciary chairman? Are you NUTS?’ And I’m not sure exactly what that means.”

2nd – Eric: “Damn. You didn’t say Simon Says.”

3rd (tie) – Dick: “. . . and really, after he heard, Michael Moore’s head got this big!”

3rd (tie) – sligobob: Just prior to a press conference, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist is heard to say through an open microphone, “Damn, I’m gonna miss Edwards and that compact he carries.”

Congrats to all. Another OTB Caption Contest^TM will be coming your way before you know it.

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, November 1, 2004 · 3 comments

The Yasir Arafat edition, OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:

Photo Courtesy AP/Palestinian Authority

1st – Michael Angier: Thank Allah they did not make me wear one of the American ORANGE JUMPSUITS.

2nd – Eric: When Arafat asked them to do the Hora, his advisers began to suspect the end was near.

3rd -duke: Yasser Arafat came out today and announced that he has entered into a polygamous gay civil marriage with the Hasan brothers of Gaza. Yazz, as his spouses refer to him, said “We’re going to sue to get our love legimized by the state. If Mohammad had at least 11 wives, why can’t I have a harem, too?”

Thanks to all the participants. A new contest will begin later in the week.

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Thursday, October 28, 2004 · 1 comment

The John and Tuhraysuh Edition, OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:

Yahoo! News – Top Stories Photos – AP

1st – Sgt Fluffy: The Gin and Raisins did that?

2nd – Pat: Now Scotty! Beam me up NOW!

3rd – IR: Damn it, still there…It worked on “I Dream of Jeannie.” What am I doing wrong?

Thanks to all the participants. A new edition will begin shortly.

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Tuesday, October 19, 2004 · 2 comments

The Good vs. Evil First Lady Edition, OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:

Yahoo! News – Politics Photos

1st: Elizabeth Southern: “I don’t care what John told you, it does make your butt look fat.”

2nd: Rodney Dill: “Hello Jerry” “Hello Newman

3rd (tie): dw: “$300? I got this at Ross for $39.99!”

3rd (tie): KipEsquire: “No, MINE is eggshell and YOURS is almond!”

Thanks to all the participants. A new contest will begin tomorrow.

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, October 11, 2004 · 1 comment

Last week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The winners:

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Tuesday, October 5, 2004 · 1 comment

The Big Tex Edition, OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Wednesday, September 22, 2004 · 3 comments

The (Fat) Al(bert) Gore Edition, OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded. Some particularly good entries this time.

The winners:

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Tuesday, September 7, 2004 · 1 comment

The GOP Convention Edition, Outside The Beltway^TM Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, August 23, 2004 · 6 comments

The John Kerry, Standing Tall Edition OTB^TM Caption Contest^TM has ended.

The winners . . .

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, August 16, 2004 · No comments

The most recent Outside The Beltway^TM Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, July 26, 2004 · 1 comment

Very belatedly, the John Kerry, Regular American, Edition of the OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, July 12, 2004 · 6 comments

The Cosby-Jackson Edition, OTB Caption Contest has concluded.

The winners:

(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Sunday, July 4, 2004 · No comments

The winners of the June 21st OTB Caption Contest^TM can finally be revealed.
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Wednesday, June 16, 2004 · 1 comment

Last week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded. The winners are revealed in the extended entry.
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, June 7, 2004 · 1 comment

Last week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Thursday, June 3, 2004 · 1 comment

Well, there is simply no denying that it is after noon Tuesday. It’s Thursday, after all. So, without further ado, the results of the last OTB Caption Contest^TM:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Wednesday, May 26, 2004 · No comments

The most recent OTB Caption Contest^TM is officially over.

The winners:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Tuesday, May 18, 2004 · 1 comment

Last week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM is over.

The winners:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, May 10, 2004 · 4 comments

Last week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winning entries:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, May 3, 2004 · 2 comments

Last week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has ended.

Some excellent entries this week. The winners:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Friday, April 23, 2004 · 1 comment

As promised, last Monday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The winners:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Tuesday, April 13, 2004 · 1 comment

The most recent OTB Caption Contest^TM has closed.

The winners were all on the same track this week:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Tuesday, March 16, 2004 · 2 comments

The Kerry-Dean Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, February 23, 2004 · No comments

The Cat and Dog Edition, OTB Caption Contest^TM has now concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, February 16, 2004 · 2 comments

The Funkadelic Edition, OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

Caption Contest Winners

James Joyner · Monday, February 9, 2004 · 1 comment

The most recent OTB Caption Contest^TM has now concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, February 2, 2004 · No comments

The OTB Caption Contest^TM: NEW HAMPSHIRE EDITION has now concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, January 26, 2004 · No comments

I’ve been reminded that the results of the Iowa Caucuses Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM are overdue. The snow day has disrupted my sense of scheduling.

The winners are announced below:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, January 19, 2004 · No comments

The Dean Geek Edition, OTB Caption Contest^TM has officially ended.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, January 12, 2004 · 1 comment

The Clinton-Clark Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM has reached its conclusion.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, January 5, 2004 · 4 comments

Last week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has now ended. Some very good entries.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, December 22, 2003 · No comments

Last week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners . . .
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, December 15, 2003 · No comments

The Anna Kournikova Editon OTB Caption Contest^TM has ended.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, December 1, 2003 · No comments

The Kerry, Flat as a Pancake Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Saturday, November 22, 2003 · No comments

Last Friday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, November 17, 2003 · 1 comment

The Inauguration Day Edition, OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Tuesday, November 11, 2003 · 3 comments

Last week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has ended.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, November 3, 2003 · No comments

The Don Zimmer Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Wednesday, October 22, 2003 · 3 comments

The long anticipated announcement of the winners of the Three Stooges Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM has arrived.
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Friday, October 17, 2003 · 1 comment

The Gov.-elect Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, October 13, 2003 · 2 comments

Last Monday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Wednesday, October 1, 2003 · No comments

The several-day-old Dubya-Kofi OTB Caption Contest^TM is finally over. The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Sunday, September 14, 2003 · No comments

This week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, September 8, 2003 · No comments

The Kim Jong Il edition of the OTB Caption Contest^TM has now concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Wednesday, August 27, 2003 · No comments

Last week’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded. The winners are. . .
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Tuesday, August 19, 2003 · No comments

The California Candidates Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Friday, August 15, 2003 · No comments

Wednesday’s OTB Fair and Balanced Caption Contest^TM received many excellent entries.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Friday, August 8, 2003 · 1 comment

I got distracted and forgot to announce the winners as promised. Without further ado…OTB Caption Contest^TM winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, August 4, 2003 · No comments

The George W. Bush edition OTB Caption Contest^TM has ended. The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Sunday, August 3, 2003 · No comments

The Neil Armstrong Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, July 28, 2003 · No comments

Voting in the Instapundit–IMAO Special Edition OTB Caption Contest^TM is now over. Some excellent entries.
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Wednesday, July 23, 2003 · No comments

Saturday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM is now officially over.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Thursday, July 17, 2003 · 3 comments

Tuesday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, July 14, 2003 · 1 comment

OTB Caption Contest^TM

(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Thursday, July 10, 2003 · 1 comment

Monday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM is now closed.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, July 7, 2003 · 2 comments

Thursday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM is now closed. We had a number of fine entries over the long weekend, resulting in our first-ever 1st place tie.
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, June 30, 2003 · 1 comment

The other ongoing OTB Caption Contest^TM is also closed now, too.

The winners:
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · · 1 comment

Busy weekend–never got around to announcing winners to the latest OTB Caption Contest^TM

Without further ado. . .
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Wednesday, June 25, 2003 · No comments

Monday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has concluded. A particularly good batch this time.
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Friday, June 20, 2003 · 1 comment

Tuesday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM is finally over.
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Monday, June 16, 2003 · 2 comments

Friday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM has now ended.

The envelope please. . .
(more…)

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

James Joyner · Friday, June 13, 2003 · 1 comment

Wednesday’s OTB Caption Contest^TM is now closed.

The envelope please. . .
(more…)