Conspiracy Theories

Kate McMillan opens the doors to Area 54 and reveals many of the secrets of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.

There never were any weapons of mass destruction. None. Anywhere. We knew that all along – there never was a Halabja. It was filmed in a remote part of Texas hill country. Mexican illegals, playing dead for the camera. Rumsfeld directed – he shook Saddam’s hand, didn’t he? It was all fake, Laura. Didn’t you notice the flags were waving? Waving, Laura. There’s no atmosphere in northern Iraq.

It’s Vietnam all over again. Tet. My Lai (did you know it’s pronounced “me lie”?) Soldiers raping babies. Quagmire quagmire quagmire. Bush lied. Bush is stupid. Bush is a chimp. An evil mastermind Nazi puppet chimp who engineered the takeover of America by stealing the election. And he’s ours. We hold the strings.

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It was all about the oil. It’s always about the oil. Japan was about the oil. Vietnam was about the oil. Panama? Oil.

And that’s just the stuff they’re letting us in on to divert us from the big secrets.

FILED UNDER: Humor
James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor and Department Head of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College and a nonresident senior fellow at the Scowcroft Center for Strategy and Security at the Atlantic Council. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm vet. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.

Comments

  1. Rodney Dill says:

    Area 54? All these years I’ve been trying to find out whats in Area 51, no wonder I never got anywhere. 😉

  2. James Joyner says:

    No wonder, indeed. I know it’s Area 54–I saw it on “Car 51, Where Are You?” and then had it confirmed on a visit to NYC’s Studio 51.

    Area 51 is where they keep all the Democrats’ secrets, like who shot JFK and Hillary’s personality.

  3. Rodney Dill says:

    No, I thought all the democrat secrets were at Area Heinz 57.

CONSPIRACY THEORIES

CONSPIRACY THEORIES: Michael Ledeen argues that France and Germany are actively trying to help Saddam and the Islamic terrorists bring America down. I normally find Ledeen’s arguments compelling, but I find this rather implausible. While I think their actions are in effect helping America’s enemies, I dismiss the notion that that’s their intention. Does France and, to a lesser extent, Germany resent that the US is so powerful that we can ignore them with little consequence? Absolutely. Do they resent it enough that they would actively help our enemies kill American citizens? Of course not. (Thanks to Occam’s Toothbrush for the link.)

FILED UNDER: Terrorism
James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor and Department Head of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College and a nonresident senior fellow at the Scowcroft Center for Strategy and Security at the Atlantic Council. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm vet. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.