Don’t Yield an Inch to George Bush

I received the following urgent e-mail communique:

From: “Mary Beth Cahill, Kerry-Edwards 2004”
Subject: Don’t yield an inch to George Bush
Date: 11 Aug 2004 10:34:01 PDT

Dear Friend,

Actually, m’am, I don’t believe we’ve ever met.

I’m interrupting John Kerry’s dispatches from the road to tell you about something that will make you angry, but which is important for you to hear.

Will it make me angrier than Kerry’s dispatches from the road? I’m not sure I could bear that.

We knew it was coming: the Bush campaign and several allied right-wing groups are using August to launch a vicious smear attack against John Kerry. They think we’re vulnerable this month because while George Bush is still able to raise money for attack ads, Kerry had to stop fundraising at the Democratic convention last week. They’re taking this opportunity to go for the jugular.

I thought I’d read somewhere that you had raised more money than the Republicans? Oh, well–Thank goodness for the 427 groups then!

We need you to join us in this fight today by supporting the Democratic Party.

I must forewarn you: This is highly unlikely.

The worst of the current wave of attacks is coming from a Republican-funded group called “Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.”

In what sense is the group “Republican-funded”?

(I’ll call them by a more accurate name: Swift Boat Veterans for Bush.)

So, you’re saying that “for Truth” and “for Bush” are interchangeable? That confirms my previous suspicion.

The group is led by a longtime Republican operative and financed by GOP contributors with strong ties to George Bush.

By that token, then, and “Fahrenheit 911” are Democratic fronts?

Its function in the overall Republican strategy is this: tear down John Kerry since Bush has no record or vision to run on.

They’ve adopted John Kerry’s strategy?

The swift boat ad is full of lies. Thirteen men who never served with John Kerry lie about knowing him and viciously attack his record. It is a new low for the Republicans.

I’ve expressed my skepticism about some of the claims of the SWVFT. But it’s untrue that these men never served with Kerry. All of them were in his unit. As they’re are all officers, it would be rather much to ask that they’d have served on the same boat as Kerry, seeing as how Kerry was the only officer on the boat. It was after all a tiny boat commanded by a Lieutenant, Junior Grade. That’s the equivalent to the rank I had as an Army platoon leader. No other officer served “with me” either, by your standard.

Every time they have attacked us like this, it has only made us stronger.

Then what’s the problem? That would be a good thing from your perspective, no?

When they ran dishonest attack ads (like the unbelievable new one on the air right now),

If it’s unbelievable then, presumably, people won’t believe it. So, again, what’s the problem?

thousands of new supporters flocked to our campaign to give us the resources we need to fight back on the airwaves.

But I thought Kerry wasn’t allowed to raise any more money because of the evil Republican plot to follow the campaign rules?

Now that the general election has begun, they’re hoping things are different. They’re going to be sorely disappointed because we are not alone. The Democratic National Committee is well prepared to take on this fight.

Excellent. So you won’t be needing any money, right?

And therefore I’m asking you: everything you did for our campaign, please do now for our Democratic Party. Give the party the resources it needs to fight against these right-wing attacks:

You’re confusing me, friend. I thought you were already well prepared. Plus, you’re not allowed to take any money because the convention is over. So wouldn’t you get in trouble if I sent you money?

The Democratic Party is responsible for putting organizers and volunteers into the field and turning out the millions of votes we need to win. We literally cannot win this election without the party.

Well, yes, by definition.

You and I know that if we so much as yield an inch to George Bush and the Republicans this month, we’ll live to regret it.

How do you know that? You might be hit by a bus or something. Let’s hope not.

In fact, we may live to regret it for four long years. Join with me in supporting the Democratic Party today.

Thank you,

Mary Beth Cahill

I was actually going to send you $87 billion. But now I’m not.

Help is on the way!

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James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm veteran. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.


  1. Bithead says:

    You should pass this one to Matt over at BFB for a guest blog shot. No question but htat it’ll be posted there. Nice job, James.

  2. Very well done. I’m still laughing. Cahill seems very worried. Maybe her e-mail means the media dam is about to break.

  3. Moe Lane says:

    You know, for a group so determined to present its best face forward re military issues, the Democratic Party has a real problem with getting military terminology right.

  4. I would put this one in the traffic jam if I were you. (But then again…I’m not.)

  5. Rodney Dill says:

    Congratulation! you have fisked spam.

  6. Paul says:

    Stand up triple.

    Well Done James.

  7. Boyd says:

    would put this one in the traffic jam if I were you.

    King, wouldn’t that be kinda, you know, incestuous?

  8. BigFire says:

    Not that they need my money, but this spam almost convince me to write a $2000 check to Bush/Cheney re-election campaign…

  9. Smitty says:

    “allied right-wing groups”

    At least she has the axis/allies thing sorted out out correctly.

  10. Two Cents says:

    Why, James! All this time we’ve spent reading your most excellent blog, and never guessed you were hiding your fisking talents. Up there with little tiny lies and tim blair, this one was! Remind me not to irritate OTB.

  11. Jay Solo says:

    Nice! Excellent shredding job.

  12. spacemonkey says:

    This was the funniest fisk ever.

  13. Loren says:

    Absolutely Hilarious! Many thanks to the space monkey for sending me here.

  14. Gozer says:

    Well done, and all too true. I believe the bard said it best,

    “Me Doth think she protest too much!”

  15. Mad Mikey says:

    I’ve seen these *cough* ‘volunteers’ on the campus of UC San Diego asking every last person in sight if they would like to help defeat Bush. And in the few times I’ve observed this tactic, they almost always get ‘No.’ shoved in their faces.

    It just makes my heart swell with pride to see these young people doing their civic duty!!![/smartass]

  16. Tim Worstall says:

    Umm. 527 groups? Not 427? Just the tiny flaw that shows in was in fact human made, not a celestially inspired fisking.

  17. J Mann says:

    Isn’t there a campaign finance problem here?

    As you point out, one of the officials of the Kerry-Edwards campaign is sending email to the Kerry-Edwards mail list saying “we can’t collect money anymore, so please give money to the DNC so that they can run ads to get Kerry elected.”

    What good, exactly, is campaign finance reform doing anyone?

  18. I want to hear more hard hitting from John Kerry about Republican claims to help veterans while cutting Department of Veterans Administration!
    I want to hear more hard hitting from John Kerry about Republicans lowering wages by cutting overtime pay.
    I want to hear more hard hitting from John Kerry about how Republicans spoof the public about how exporting jobs is good for the USA and more about what Kerry would do than he has suggested so far.
    I want to hear more hard hitting from John Kerry about how a war in Irac now is similar to the position the USA was in when he was back from Viet Nam, and how he would act similarly to end the thing. He has not shown his view to be similar to his view about the Viet Nam war.