Driving the Blues from Jesusland

Washington Times managing editor Wes Pruden has an amusing take on the secessionist movement, “Driving the blues from Jesusland.”

Four years ago 36 days of uncertainty in Florida transformed the Gore-Lieberman team into the Sore-Loserman ticket, but the anger if not the rancor soon subsided. Alec Baldwin threatened to move to France but never did and eventually denied ever promising to leave. He may still be hanging about an airport somewhere in Southern California looking to hitch a ride to the Ivory Coast, but most of the losers, as grown-ups will, regrouped and reorganized to fight another day.

But this time the sore losers are serious. They’re not just threatening to abandon their CDs, bongs, gongs, sandals, and dirty underwear and pile into ancient Volvos with bags of vegan trail mix and bean sprouts to move on to Canada, Britain and France.

***

Although the constitutional officers of Coastopia were not identified, a written constitution was apparently ratified at a constitutional convention held at a Starbucks in Provincetown. “A word about our politics,” the manifesto continued. “Abortions will be safe and legal [apparently not everyone is Coastopia is gay] and homosexual men and women will be free to marry at their discretion. We will have our own currency and trade with any countries we want. Everyone will have health care. Everyone will have an identity card. Homelessness and unemployment will be virtually unknown [since no one will work]. We believe in a meritocracy and a huge chasm between church and state. 100% of our cars will be hybrid by 2006.”

Sounds about right. . . .

FILED UNDER: Campaign 2004, Humor
James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor and Department Head of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College and a nonresident senior fellow at the Scowcroft Center for Strategy and Security at the Atlantic Council. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm vet. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.