From The Department Of Really Bad Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas

Guys, I’m no expert on these things but I’m pretty sure this won’t go over well:

Valentines Day

Via Facebook

Doug Mataconis
About Doug Mataconis
Doug Mataconis held a B.A. in Political Science from Rutgers University and J.D. from George Mason University School of Law. He joined the staff of OTB in May 2010 and contributed a staggering 16,483 posts before his retirement in January 2020. He passed far too young in July 2021.


  1. James says:

    Take out a life insurance policy on her and the night will be complete.

  2. al-Ameda says:

    Attention Fiction Writers
    Attention Fiction Writers

    Please give up, go home, get a another job.
    You cannot compete with reality.

  3. CSK says:

    Because nothing, absolutely nothing, says “I love you madly, darling” more than “Let’s spend Valentine’s Day planning your funeral, sweetie.”

  4. rudderpedals says:

    The Valentine sure to remind your lover of a death in the family or that time she was served with legal process. She’ll never forget.

  5. mantis says:


  6. rodney dill says:

    “….and I’m not getting her anything else until she uses the gift I gave her last Valentines…”

  7. bill says:

    gee, towards the end of my marriage i could have seen it!

  8. OzarkHillbilly says:

    Irony is dead.

  9. grumpy realist says:

    All right, who confused the Onion again for a real newspaper?

  10. Anderson says:

    So in the picture, is she actually looking down at the funeral-insurance policy he’s giving her?

  11. Pinky says:

    This is brilliant marketing. The kind of guy who has “no idea” what to get his gal on Valentine’s Day could actually be tricked into doing this.

  12. grumpy realist says:

    @Pinky: I hate to say it, but some of the guys I dated in my earlier years would have been this clueless…..