Holiday Caption Contest

Winners will be announced on Monday.

hat tip: Legal XXX

FILED UNDER: Uncategorized,
Leopold Stotch
About Leopold Stotch
“Dr. Leopold Stotch” was the pseudonym of political science professor then at a major research university inside the beltway. He has a PhD in International Relations. He contributed 165 pieces to OTB between November 2004 and February 2006.


  1. Rodney Dill says:

    “Its a little underdone, better remember to throw another cross on the fire next time.”

  2. Kate says:


  3. sortapundit says:

    Meeting your new girlfriend’s parents is always an awkward experience – but, thought Jamal, this was the worst.

  4. Myopist says:

    Damn. After seeing sortapundit’s entry, I’m not going to even try.

  5. IR says:

    No hoggin’ the white meat woman…

  6. Rodney Dill says:

    Heh, yea, Sortapundit sorta raised the bar on this contest.

  7. Rodney Dill says:

    In this year’s remake of Holiday Inn the rendition of that well known Bing Crosby classic was rather unorthodox.

  8. sortapundit says:


  9. Maniakes says:

    Ironically, the superiority of the white race is most often claimed by the most glaring counterexamples.

  10. Eric says:

    Redneck: the other white meat.

  11. McTrip says:

    After they all removed their hoods and hunkered down for the Thanksgiving dinner, Mary Mapes in the 60 Minutes control van clearly heard Dan Rather whispering into his Film-O-Spex, “Sheeeeit, Mary, we’ve been conned again – this ain’t the White House and, sure as an otter’s pocket is wet, they ain’t George n Laura…..”

  12. Thin Air says:

    She: Nice cartoons of Condoleeza Rice and Colin Powell. By next week we’ll be eating caviar!

    He: Well, I owe it all to the WashPo and NYTimes for giving me a chance when no one else would.

  13. McTrip says:

    As they settled into a working dinner, Judges Bork and Bader Ginsburg expressed misgivings about accepting NASCAR sponsorship decals on their judicial robes.

  14. Chortle says:

    “Well, honey, as Halloween costumes go, these are authentic. Too bad we can’t answer our door in them to give out the candy.”

  15. Hodink says:

    “Gee whiz, I’d have as many merit badges as you if they hadn’t back ordered the wood for the crosses.”

  16. Beth says:

    “Thank goodness for our PETA membership. We really got a winning recipe this year!”

  17. sortapundit says:

    (For readers in the UK)

    Paul Daniels, disappointed at the turnout, declared that this year’s would be the last Wizbit convention.

  18. And tonight on CBS: “Robert Byrd: The Early Years, a Thanksgiving Special”

  19. Gene Y. says:

    This is my favorite! Why there’s no tellin’ how good it might be if one of us could just learn to read so we could tell what the recipe says.

  20. Hermoine says:

    “Truth is, we’ve got it made. A double wide. The truck runs good. Billy Bob here has quit school. I married you and it was a bonus. You are my favorite husband and my favorite first cousin. I shot at and hit the stop sign on the way home. We are loved and respected at the KKK.”

  21. Bithead says:

    In this scene from Oliver Stone’s bizzare remake of “Guess who’s coming to Dinner”, we find neither Mr. or Mrs. Drayton are who they appear to be, both having had sex change operations.

  22. Hermoine says:

    “Life is sweet. A double wide. John here has quit school. The truck runs good. I shot at and hit the stop sign on the way home. And you and I got a danged bonus. You’re my favorite husband and my favorite first cousin. We’re big shots down at the 3K. I could die happy today.”

  23. Loon says:

    Perhaps not the sharpest burning stake on the front lawn, Superior Grand Wizard Joe Jim Bob listened in trepidation as his wife [and sister] Sybil described the new recipe she had used for the meal : whatever a “matzoh” might be he had to think they flocked in considerable numbers and stood at least as tall as an ostrich.

  24. Mark Hasty says:

    “We’d better rethink that genetical engineerin’ stuff . . . maybe them scientists could come up with an all-white turkey.”

  25. Mark Kilmer says:

    “Dammit, Margaret! It says right in our Invisible Empire rulebook that the Grand Imperial Poobah gets to carve the turkey! How can I enact vengeance if you won’t let me carve my own bird?”

  26. Barbara says:

    Remaining true to their core beliefs, Klansmen eschew dark meat at Thanksgiving feast.

  27. Italiano says:

    “Thanks, darlin, but not too much. I had Pickininny ‘n’ Dumplins for lunch.”

  28. Barbara says:

    Kodak Kaptures Kwerky Klan Kustom

  29. Rodney Dill says:

    The answer to that age old question. What’s black and white and red(neck) all over?

    And all these years I’d thought it was an integrated communist school.

  30. Rodney Dill says:

    Mr. and Mrs. Moore often pondered why Michael never seemed to come home for Thanksgiving Dinner anymore.

  31. “Honey, even your cooking is supreme!”

  32. Lilo says:

    Whaaaaaaaaaat? You’ve never seen gnomes eat turkey before?

  33. Gordon says:

    Sit down Izzy. There’s something Bubbe and I need to tell you.

  34. Allan says:

    HEY! This isn’t turkey.
    Can’t you two at least wait for me to finish saying curse?
    Room decorations – $1.73
    Turkey dinner – $32
    Costume rental – $150
    All white meat turkey – priceless
    Got milk? It’s white you know.
    In a scene from Oliver Stone’s “The Pilgrims” Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon celebrate the first “Me First Day”.

  35. “Honey, you deed make sure there ain’t no dark meet in here didn’tya?”

  36. Pile On® says:

    Damn it Ma, you always get the right hand, you know I’ve been a hankerin’ for that there.

  37. Hermoine says:

    Hermoine wishes to report that she sent in her first caption and it never showed up so she tried to remember what she had said and sent in a second one. Now, the first one shows up.

    That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  38. Rob M says:

    Growing up in Harlem, Betty always preferred dark meat at Thanksgiving, but that all changed when she met Billy Ray.

  39. Attila Girl says:

    Okay. Love these captions, but I have to point out that if you follow the link back to Legal XXX and go to the website of the photographer who shot these, the real captions/cutlines actually paint a fascinating–albeit repellent–portrait of a certain brand of Americana.

    Sorry to be so literal and nerdy. Please continue with your contest.

  40. Steve H says:

    “Poke it again Mabel, I don’t think it’s dead yet.”

  41. Jim Pfaff says:

    “Ain’t ya’ thanful we don’t have to listen to them damn Soggy Bottom Boys!”

  42. Bouhaki says:

    “Maybe after you set that thing down, you’ll notice that one of us, I’m not naming names, but one of us, is sitting here waiting for his beer.”

  43. Ingress says:

    “I don’t think I can eat none. Muhammad Ali done came along and is running for Imperial Wizard. And, dang it all, I think he’s gonna get it.”

  44. McGehee says:

    “And as on Remulak, we shall sit down and consume mass quantities in celebration of the Ancient and venerable Feast of Large Unrecognizable Food Items.”

  45. Rodney Dill says:

    On the inside Earnest often had to suppress the giggles as he had secretly voted for John Kerry, and the Klan did not know, they would never suspect. That is until Thanksgiving day when Etta uttered the pronouncement, “Your waffles will be up in a minute Earnest.”

  46. martha curry says:

    Dang it woman, hurry up and finish or we’ll be late for our ACLU meeting!

  47. Pile On® says:

    The New York Times runs its first story after sending foreign correspondents into the red states.

  48. Pile On® says:

    The Grand Master loves roadkill and he has enjoyed a bountiful harvest after discovering midnight basketball.

  49. Pile On® says:

    The beautiful people always think they are so damn “superior”.

  50. Coca Bogdan says:

    Hmmm… I am ungry now! because of you !

  51. Sgt fluffy says:

    Man, I hope these peolple don’t live in Alabama

  52. Lasting Magic says:

    The dinner of white trash.

  53. Cricket says:

    “Expecto Patronum!”

  54. Patrick Deck says:

    BUFORD and DORIS celebrate the Grand Opening of the very first KKKFC Chicken Stand in Mobile, Alabama

  55. Steve says:

    Sure, moving up North was risky, but getting the property next to the nursury school was a real stroke of luck…

  56. Liz Lambert says:

    Helen, if you don’t get off this Da Vinci Code kick, I’m gonna lose my f***in’ mind!