“Dr. Leopold Stotch” was the pseudonym of political science professor then at a major research university inside the beltway. He has a PhD in International Relations. He contributed 165 pieces to OTB between November 2004 and February 2006.
After they all removed their hoods and hunkered down for the Thanksgiving dinner, Mary Mapes in the 60 Minutes control van clearly heard Dan Rather whispering into his Film-O-Spex, “Sheeeeit, Mary, we’ve been conned again – this ain’t the White House and, sure as an otter’s pocket is wet, they ain’t George n Laura…..”
As they settled into a working dinner, Judges Bork and Bader Ginsburg expressed misgivings about accepting NASCAR sponsorship decals on their judicial robes.
“Truth is, we’ve got it made. A double wide. The truck runs good. Billy Bob here has quit school. I married you and it was a bonus. You are my favorite husband and my favorite first cousin. I shot at and hit the stop sign on the way home. We are loved and respected at the KKK.”
In this scene from Oliver Stone’s bizzare remake of “Guess who’s coming to Dinner”, we find neither Mr. or Mrs. Drayton are who they appear to be, both having had sex change operations.
“Life is sweet. A double wide. John here has quit school. The truck runs good. I shot at and hit the stop sign on the way home. And you and I got a danged bonus. You’re my favorite husband and my favorite first cousin. We’re big shots down at the 3K. I could die happy today.”
Perhaps not the sharpest burning stake on the front lawn, Superior Grand Wizard Joe Jim Bob listened in trepidation as his wife [and sister] Sybil described the new recipe she had used for the meal : whatever a “matzoh” might be he had to think they flocked in considerable numbers and stood at least as tall as an ostrich.
“Dammit, Margaret! It says right in our Invisible Empire rulebook that the Grand Imperial Poobah gets to carve the turkey! How can I enact vengeance if you won’t let me carve my own bird?”
HEY! This isn’t turkey.
——————————————–
Can’t you two at least wait for me to finish saying curse?
——————————————–
Room decorations – $1.73
Turkey dinner – $32
Costume rental – $150
All white meat turkey – priceless
——————————————–
Got milk? It’s white you know.
——————————————–
In a scene from Oliver Stone’s “The Pilgrims” Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon celebrate the first “Me First Day”.
Hermoine wishes to report that she sent in her first caption and it never showed up so she tried to remember what she had said and sent in a second one. Now, the first one shows up.
Okay. Love these captions, but I have to point out that if you follow the link back to Legal XXX and go to the website of the photographer who shot these, the real captions/cutlines actually paint a fascinating–albeit repellent–portrait of a certain brand of Americana.
Sorry to be so literal and nerdy. Please continue with your contest.
“And as on Remulak, we shall sit down and consume mass quantities in celebration of the Ancient and venerable Feast of Large Unrecognizable Food Items.”
On the inside Earnest often had to suppress the giggles as he had secretly voted for John Kerry, and the Klan did not know, they would never suspect. That is until Thanksgiving day when Etta uttered the pronouncement, “Your waffles will be up in a minute Earnest.”
“Its a little underdone, better remember to throw another cross on the fire next time.”
Mom!
Meeting your new girlfriend’s parents is always an awkward experience – but, thought Jamal, this was the worst.
Damn. After seeing sortapundit’s entry, I’m not going to even try.
No hoggin’ the white meat woman…
Heh, yea, Sortapundit sorta raised the bar on this contest.
In this year’s remake of Holiday Inn the rendition of that well known Bing Crosby classic was rather unorthodox.
Ha.
Ironically, the superiority of the white race is most often claimed by the most glaring counterexamples.
Redneck: the other white meat.
After they all removed their hoods and hunkered down for the Thanksgiving dinner, Mary Mapes in the 60 Minutes control van clearly heard Dan Rather whispering into his Film-O-Spex, “Sheeeeit, Mary, we’ve been conned again – this ain’t the White House and, sure as an otter’s pocket is wet, they ain’t George n Laura…..”
She: Nice cartoons of Condoleeza Rice and Colin Powell. By next week we’ll be eating caviar!
He: Well, I owe it all to the WashPo and NYTimes for giving me a chance when no one else would.
As they settled into a working dinner, Judges Bork and Bader Ginsburg expressed misgivings about accepting NASCAR sponsorship decals on their judicial robes.
“Well, honey, as Halloween costumes go, these are authentic. Too bad we can’t answer our door in them to give out the candy.”
“Gee whiz, I’d have as many merit badges as you if they hadn’t back ordered the wood for the crosses.”
“Thank goodness for our PETA membership. We really got a winning recipe this year!”
(For readers in the UK)
Paul Daniels, disappointed at the turnout, declared that this year’s would be the last Wizbit convention.
And tonight on CBS: “Robert Byrd: The Early Years, a Thanksgiving Special”
This is my favorite! Why there’s no tellin’ how good it might be if one of us could just learn to read so we could tell what the recipe says.
“Truth is, we’ve got it made. A double wide. The truck runs good. Billy Bob here has quit school. I married you and it was a bonus. You are my favorite husband and my favorite first cousin. I shot at and hit the stop sign on the way home. We are loved and respected at the KKK.”
In this scene from Oliver Stone’s bizzare remake of “Guess who’s coming to Dinner”, we find neither Mr. or Mrs. Drayton are who they appear to be, both having had sex change operations.
“Life is sweet. A double wide. John here has quit school. The truck runs good. I shot at and hit the stop sign on the way home. And you and I got a danged bonus. You’re my favorite husband and my favorite first cousin. We’re big shots down at the 3K. I could die happy today.”
Perhaps not the sharpest burning stake on the front lawn, Superior Grand Wizard Joe Jim Bob listened in trepidation as his wife [and sister] Sybil described the new recipe she had used for the meal : whatever a “matzoh” might be he had to think they flocked in considerable numbers and stood at least as tall as an ostrich.
“We’d better rethink that genetical engineerin’ stuff . . . maybe them scientists could come up with an all-white turkey.”
“Dammit, Margaret! It says right in our Invisible Empire rulebook that the Grand Imperial Poobah gets to carve the turkey! How can I enact vengeance if you won’t let me carve my own bird?”
Remaining true to their core beliefs, Klansmen eschew dark meat at Thanksgiving feast.
“Thanks, darlin, but not too much. I had Pickininny ‘n’ Dumplins for lunch.”
Kodak Kaptures Kwerky Klan Kustom
The answer to that age old question. What’s black and white and red(neck) all over?
And all these years I’d thought it was an integrated communist school.
Mr. and Mrs. Moore often pondered why Michael never seemed to come home for Thanksgiving Dinner anymore.
“Honey, even your cooking is supreme!”
Whaaaaaaaaaat? You’ve never seen gnomes eat turkey before?
Sit down Izzy. There’s something Bubbe and I need to tell you.
HEY! This isn’t turkey.
——————————————–
Can’t you two at least wait for me to finish saying curse?
——————————————–
Room decorations – $1.73
Turkey dinner – $32
Costume rental – $150
All white meat turkey – priceless
——————————————–
Got milk? It’s white you know.
——————————————–
In a scene from Oliver Stone’s “The Pilgrims” Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon celebrate the first “Me First Day”.
“Honey, you deed make sure there ain’t no dark meet in here didn’tya?”
Damn it Ma, you always get the right hand, you know I’ve been a hankerin’ for that there.
Hermoine wishes to report that she sent in her first caption and it never showed up so she tried to remember what she had said and sent in a second one. Now, the first one shows up.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Growing up in Harlem, Betty always preferred dark meat at Thanksgiving, but that all changed when she met Billy Ray.
Okay. Love these captions, but I have to point out that if you follow the link back to Legal XXX and go to the website of the photographer who shot these, the real captions/cutlines actually paint a fascinating–albeit repellent–portrait of a certain brand of Americana.
Sorry to be so literal and nerdy. Please continue with your contest.
“Poke it again Mabel, I don’t think it’s dead yet.”
“Ain’t ya’ thanful we don’t have to listen to them damn Soggy Bottom Boys!”
“Maybe after you set that thing down, you’ll notice that one of us, I’m not naming names, but one of us, is sitting here waiting for his beer.”
“I don’t think I can eat none. Muhammad Ali done came along and is running for Imperial Wizard. And, dang it all, I think he’s gonna get it.”
“And as on Remulak, we shall sit down and consume mass quantities in celebration of the Ancient and venerable Feast of Large Unrecognizable Food Items.”
On the inside Earnest often had to suppress the giggles as he had secretly voted for John Kerry, and the Klan did not know, they would never suspect. That is until Thanksgiving day when Etta uttered the pronouncement, “Your waffles will be up in a minute Earnest.”
Dang it woman, hurry up and finish or we’ll be late for our ACLU meeting!
The New York Times runs its first story after sending foreign correspondents into the red states.
The Grand Master loves roadkill and he has enjoyed a bountiful harvest after discovering midnight basketball.
The beautiful people always think they are so damn “superior”.
Hmmm… I am ungry now! because of you !
Man, I hope these peolple don’t live in Alabama
Roadkill.
The dinner of white trash.
“Expecto Patronum!”
BUFORD and DORIS celebrate the Grand Opening of the very first KKKFC Chicken Stand in Mobile, Alabama
Sure, moving up North was risky, but getting the property next to the nursury school was a real stroke of luck…
Helen, if you don’t get off this Da Vinci Code kick, I’m gonna lose my f***in’ mind!