Andy Borowitz reports some excellent economic news arising out of the shocking collapse of the Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez union,
The bust-up of Hollywood couple Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck has had a positive effect on the U.S. economy, the Labor Department reported today, because Lopez immediately rehired the bloated entourage that Affleck had earlier insisted she fire.
IN THE course of rehiring her extensive posse of yes men, sycophants and hangers-on, Lopez created as many as 100,000 new jobs, believed to be a new one-day record, the Labor Department reported.
Across the nation, unemployed workers who had given up looking for jobs were cheered by the news of Lopez’s staffing decision, many of them choosing to head to Miami’s South Beach to seek employment as one of the extravagant diva’s leeches.
Lopez’s unexpected hiring boom was only one economic benefit of the Affleck-Lopez split-up, as news of Affleck’s single status sparked a rally in gaming and stripper-related stocks on Wall Street.