ONION PARODIES

Hilarious: Area Man Supports The Troops He Didn’t Go To High School With:

“My heart goes out to the troops, and I pray for their safe return,” said Strauss, a 1998 graduate of Kirksville High School. “Except for that dick Andy Tischler. I hope the Iraqis capture him and torture his wedgie-inflicting ass.”

Though he expressed mixed feelings about the war against Iraq, Strauss said he feels it is vital for Americans to stand united behind the nation’s fighting men and women in uniform. He draws the line, however, at his former classmates.

“Troy Nowicki, this guy who was in my junior-year gym class, is in the Navy now,” Strauss said. “He was on the football team, and he used to love to tease me and give me purple nurples and generally make my life miserable. Once, he head-butted me so hard, I couldn’t hear for an hour. Fucking asshole. Yeah, I’m really praying for his safe return.”

This one is also pretty good: Saddam Proud He Still Killed More Iraqi Civilians Than U.S.:

George Bush believes he is so powerful, so strong,” Saddam said. “But even with all of his bombs and missiles and Marines, he has not even come close to killing as many Iraqis as I did.

Go read ’em both.

FILED UNDER: Humor, Iraq War
James Joyner
About James Joyner
James Joyner is Professor and Department Head of Security Studies at Marine Corps University's Command and Staff College and a nonresident senior fellow at the Scowcroft Center for Strategy and Security at the Atlantic Council. He's a former Army officer and Desert Storm vet. Views expressed here are his own. Follow James on Twitter @DrJJoyner.